To preschool or not to preschool

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We were all set to send our DS to preschool nursery in September. He was meant to start afternoons in May when he turned three but he still naps at lunchtime so we agreed with the school that it wouldn't be helpful for him to miss his nap and turn up grumpy and struggling. He doesn't go to nursery currently so it's going to be a big change.

I've just got back from the information session for parents. They have said that they want the children in five days a week. I was only planning on sending him 2-3 times a week as he has a lifetime of school and work ahead of him where he has to do Mon-Fri (although if he loved it and wanted to go more then that would be fine - however I'm anticipating an adjustment period where he doesn't want to go once the novelty wears off).

So now what do I do? Do I send him anyway for five days? Do three days and ignore the school (doesn't feel like getting off on the best foot)? Don't send him until reception and continue to do stay and play sessions to meet other kids? He doesn't have to go from a childcare point of view - I'm home anyway with his sister.

Does this sort of preschool have a different name? I can only find the preschool attached to the primary or private nurseries?

Ok understood. Thing is though loads of kids do it and are absolutely fine. My DD went from not only no formal childcare but Covid lockdown to preschool where they wouldn’t let parents over the doorstep - I never saw inside that place. She loved it. One thing I strongly feel is that actually going every week day helps them to adjust in a way that going some days but not others does not. I think the chopping and changing could be a lot more challenging actually.

anyway I hope it all goes ok for you son. I’m sure it will. To echo a PP also it is probably just the preschool wanting you to commit so they get the funding sorted. If he mysteriously never came in on a Friday, I doubt they would care!

I think 3 hours morning preschool for 5 days is fairly standard around here. I'm set to send DD2 to morning preschool from September, and it's going to be a big change in routine, and I'll be sad to stop doing the variety of classes we usually do. I have decided to only send her for 4 days, so she can continue attending a music and swimming class on the 5th day, although the expectation is that she would do 5 days. They are fine with that, but it's a private preschool and they will still get full fees, so I guess they're not bothered. I think school preschools might be fussier because of the way funding works?

My eldest didn't go to a standalone preschool, she attended a day nursery for the preschool years, which was very flexible as it's really to meet the childcare needs for the parent.

I definitely would recommend some kind of preschool /nursery and not going straight into reception.

The problem with this is the funding. The nursery can't claim for 15 hours if you aren't regularly attending 15 hours, but they don't want to lose funding, so they will push you to use the full 15 hours.

In our area we have stand alone preschools that often have more flexibility on hours/days and school nurseries that offer 2.5 days. My children did every morning though and it mostly suited them.

In NI they all get free preschool for approximately 3.5 hours a day for the school year before they start primary school. It's 5 days a week, and I don't know any child who went part time. Mine started at age 3.5 and managed fine. I think it's important once they're over 3 as it gets them ready for school and the routines and listening to other adults in authority without a parent being present.

I'm involved with a non-school-based preschool and we're much more flexible - only rule is at least two mornings as otherwise it is much harder for them to settle. It's less than 10 mins walk to the local primary school which has an attached nursery, and every year quite a few of our children join reception at that school, so if there's a preschool relatively close by eg in a church or community hall then he will almost certainly be with some children who will also go to the primary school.

I don't know whether it's the same with school nurseries, but for private ones the funding received from the council is based on number of days you are signed up for, and if a child consistently doesn't attend those days (other than of course due to eg illness or occasional holidays) then we have to declare it and hand back some of the funding. If it's the same for schools then they won't accept him regularly missing days (though you might get away with it if you switch which days of the week you miss).

Surely you can just send him for the days you want him to go? They will more than likely send you letters regarding his absence but it's not compulsory. Also, won't have any weight in his school application as it's decided on distance, not who has attended the school nursery.

@curlycurlymoo the problem with that is they will plan activities that rely on the children being there (obviously illness can't be helped).
A planned game that needs teams or a session of singing a Christmas song that they all learn one line in for example.
If a person sends their child just when they feel like it - it will send planned activities out of sync.
School nursery class you do have to commit to it. It's not a drop in crèche.

Mines is a little different as it's an 2yo early nursery placement he has at the nursery attached to the school he will go to (he is 2y 9m)
He's never been away from me so it's a very hard transition. He has a placement for 9-3 every day and we do our best to be there but haven't been great and he's also still napping at the moment too so either wakes and it's too late to go or we go and I stay with him because he's not ready for me to leave yet. Or, he uses nursery as the place to go to sleep! It's not much fun for either of us but he is on the pathway for autism diagnosis so I'm sticking with it and hoping it makes things easier for him when he's 4

They've told me there's no pressure and he can just come mornings/afternoons but tbh it does feel like theres a lot of pressure for him to be there every day. And a lot of stressful nights worrying about the next day too! So far he has had 2 week absences due to illness/needing recovery time, another 10 days as I had a MC so had to keep him with me as I couldn't be sitting there going through it, and a few days because he's not been awake or fallen asleep when we arrived. He only started in April!

I wouldn't do it. I'd find somewhere else. Mine were both in nursery from a year old but only for three days a week as I was lucky enough to work part time

The two days a week in the last year before school were so precious, we all have very happy memories. My DS is 10 now and talks about when we used to have 'adventures' before he started school.

Are you in England? It’s not guaranteed that he would get in to the school anyway. You still have to go through the local authority for school places. Just pointing that out as he may not go to that school, or his friends from pre school might not, so don’t use that as a deciding factor. I do think however it benefits children to go to preschool or nursery before school as it’s not such a huge shock and actually they learn a lot in that year.

My 3 year old goes to a private nursery 3 days a week and is the pre-school group. He loves it and they really prepare them for starting school and building more independence. I know it's not quite school nursery but he's in a friendship group and routine there and I feel it's working really well. I use my 30 hours too.

As an ex early years teacher, there are a lot benefits to preschool. Getting used to listening to a teacher in little groups for 4/5 minutes is a skill, also it’s full of social interaction and learning independence.

It completely depends on the school, but my DD5 went to preschool, hers was attached to the school and 54/60 of the preschool children went into the reception class, and as it was two form, the preschool teachers decided how to split the children and which children would would put in each class, I know some boys were split and thankfully DD was put in the same class as the friends she spoke so much about at home, so transition for preschool to reception was seamless. She also knew her new teacher and they had done play sessions in her classroom.

Our school has a separate pre school on site for 2-3 year olds, a nursery that does 15 hours, and then reception etc
The pre school was quite flexible for which hours days etc, but the nursery you can either do mornings or afternoons, and if you do mornings you can go over to the preschool for lunch/afternoon.
I think the reason the school nursery is inflexible is because they have a proper teacher and they are going through the whole early years curriculum as a class, rather than being childcare or playgroup type of thing. So if your child misses days they will miss out on something the school is are obliged to teach your child.
I think it's really good for school prep and learning, but it can be inconvenient logistically.

If your DCs speech isn’t particularly clear then preschool would likely benefit him even more. In my experience it can be helpful for kids to be around adults and other kids who don’t already know how to “interpret” what they’re saying, and facilitate clearer speech and pronunciation to be able to meet their needs.

It does also seem like you’re making a bit of an assumption that your DC won’t like preschool and there will be lots of tears etc. Is this based on how they have reacted previously?

Definitely wouldn't. As you say, your child already has the experience of learning there are different routines in different context and social rules to learn etc by the activities you do together. No need to break the bond five days a week.

It's just called 'A B Pre-School' (so as not to give the actual name!) I just googled pre-school and the town we're in and saw what came up. You have to filter through as to which are day nurseries, attached to schools, stand alone pre-schools etc.

Also all pre-schools/nurseries for 3-4yos will be following the Early Years Foundation Stage scheme, so don't worry that a nursery or pre-school that's not attached to a school is 'just' play - Ofsted look for how they're following this and it should be learning through play at this level anyway. Ours is mixed 2-4yos but split up twice a day for small group stuff based on age and they focus on literacy one day, numeracy another etc. My DD does 2 full days and 1 half because she gets 15 hours funding so I decided with pre-school which days would be most beneficial to her based on what focus they had each day (so she does Mondays because they do numeracy but not Tuesdays for literacy because she's already doing lots of reading, nursery rhymes, word games etc with me). They have a qualified teacher as well as other staff with early years qualifications and it's just a lovely place.

I wouldnt if you feel it's too much at such a young age. I sent mine 2 half days a week to a private nursery. He was never that bothered about nursery and I worried about himstarting full time school last September. I needn't have worried, he loves reception made plenty of friends, none of which attended his nursery. I too, like you ,was at home full time so didn't need to send him, I just did the 2 half days to slowly introduce him to being away from me with rules and routines. Dont worry about people saying they need to be going so many days a week etc to be ready for school. Isn't that what reception is for? You ll never regret spending as much time as you can with them whilst you can

This is really reassuring, thank you. For the private nursery did you then pay a top up fee on top of your hours?

You might find though OP that his speech really improves at preschool and that he enjoys it. If you don't want him to go every day then just phone up randomly and say he's under the weather/got a cold/ is too tired. Kids often settle much better if they go in more days and don't have long gaps in between going. I'd give it a go and see what happens.

Preschool is really good for children. But I understand your reluctance over 5 days.
DD1 did her 15hrs over three days (9-3 two days, and 9-12 the other) and I loved having those two extra days for other stuff. DD2 had to do 3hrs a day, which wasn't a problem as her sister was in the main school anyway... but the three hours were a bit short of getting errands done so I paid to extend 2 days a week!

Ask if they will consider letting him start three days with building it up to 5 days over the coming months?

No I didn't pay any fees, he was nearly 4 when he started and only did Tuesday and Friday afternoons. I only ever paid for his snacks.

This is true. In an ideal world he'll love it! That would be great. I'm just a bit concerned he'll get overwhelmed and frustrated with the speech and have a relapse to hitting which we've just come out of 🤦🙈