Hate the term "I can't do that with the kids"

[Bitsandbobs1892]

This is a bit of a rant, and for context I wasn't seriously suggesting OH actually do this but it's irritating that in the same situation I would do it. I'm fully aware I'm being pathetic, I'm due on which I'm sure is a contributing factor here.

We have 3 children 9, 4 and almost 2. Im neck deep in clean washing folding it all and putting it away in my daughters room and OH comes in and says can you come and sit with the kids so I can go to the chip shop. Bare in mind, I said to him not 10 minutes earlier I was going to put the washing away and clean our daughter's room.

I half jokingly asked why he couldn't take the kids with him. He replied that he couldn't possibly take them. It's not impossible, massively inconvenient, yes maybe but he acts as if it simply can't be done.

now this is what winds me up, because on Monday night he went and done some work (he's a tradesman) forgetting our sons swimming lesson, which usually one of us will stay at home with the little ones and the other will take him. I didn't want him to miss out on the job so I didn't mention it and just took all 3 kids with me, which was hardwork because my son was too nervous to go and get changed by himself, so I had to take the double pram through the barrier and into the changing room, then took them all to McDonald's afterwards (which was a bloody nightmare) brought them all home showered them and put them all to bed.

it's just slightly annoying that I am often put in situations that are a 2 person job alone, but I have to get on with it because we have 3 children.

But putting the washing away while the kids play is also a job which can easily be done while the kids play.

It's not, our daughter is severely autistic and is prone to pushing and hitting the youngest so they can't be left unsupervised.

One of us has to be with her all the time, he works during the day, so it's me. Which is fine but it means my time for cleaning and putting the washing away is very minute.

which is why when I get a chance I jump on the chance to do it, with 5 people in a house washing piles up quick when you can't get to it

I find this a bit odd, he presumably went to the chip shop to get you all chips for tea, one of you would have been out of action to make dinner anyway.

beside the point but you can get chips delivered these days and it sounds like your family eats a lot of chips

I agree it's annoying if one parent can't be arsed lugging kids out, but are you sure you weren't competing to find a chore to do solo and get a bit of peace?

Sounds like he could have taken one or two and left you with one or two?

What do you mean by sounds like your family eats a lot of chips? That's a rather weird assumption?

and maybe yes, this washing been starting at me all week, and I've been desperate for an opportunity to put it away. He was downstairs with the kids and and I asked him to put some dinner on, then he came to say he was going chippy, meaning I'd have to stop what I was doing to come down.

mumsnet is so weird at times, come to have a little rant about a trivial thing and get accused of being fat I assume? Wild.

That's shit. I'm not saying this to be an arsehole (because been there and done that), but the whole "i couldn't possibly do that" is often self inflicted because we always jump in and fix the situation. So they never have to do it. Or even stop and wonder how the fuck do you do it everyday, because I bet you took all the kids out of the house by yourself more than once. If you can safely do so, I think it's time to make yourself less available .

I take all 3 out on my own almost everyday. Out of necessity he works 7-5 everyday, so school and nursery runs are all me. Youngest 2 aren't at school yet so they're home majority of the time and I take them everywhere I go, getting my eyebrows done, they come, food shopping, them come, visiting family, they come. Having a poo, they c

They come. *

YANBU op, he was selfish.

Could he not just have taken the child who can’t be left?

Well I wouldn’t be taking three kids to the chippy with me, talk about turning a 10 minute job into half an hour. He should have just waited till you were finished what you were doing then gone.

So it's possible and it can be done. Unless having a vagina gives you supernatural powers.

Bring the children into the room you are working in?

Too late now but how about you said - that’s a great idea. I’ll go while you put the washing away.
If he feels unable to put washing away with kids around you’ve proved a point.
i would probably go on to take all 3 with me to the chippy - again, to prove a point, or as someone up thread suggested, take one or 2 of the kids with you, to prove a point!

Whilst I can sense your frustration here, I don't think this is really about you being unable to put washing away and supervise your children, is it? Otherwise how do you supervise them whilst you're getting a beauty treatment like your eyebrows done, or food shopping, if they're impossible to supervise safely at home whilst you put washing away? That doesn't make any sense?

I think you have an issue in your relationship though where you clearly feel your DH is not taking on enough, so sit down and talk to him about that and sort something better out. But this one incident doesn't make sense to me, it would always be easier for the parent at home putting washing away to keep kids with them than parent who is going to a chippy to cart kids out with them and back.

If that was a possibility I'd absolutely do that, she's going through a phase of wanting to wear EVERYTHING at the moment which is actually more welcome that her naked stage.
(Talking to a fellow parent at soft play and looking over to discover your child naked in the ball pit wasn't my finest hour)

but yeah, she'd be putting it all on quicker than I could put it away 😄 it's sorted now, chippy tea eaten, and now I'm going back to finish the washing

Then surely it would also be very tricky to take her to the chip shop.

@Sunnysummer24 and yet OP tales all three kids out daily. She must be magic.

I was a sahm. Only 2 kids though. So I get you on the trailing them around with you here there and everywhere when and not having a minute of peace. It’s draining. And then DH acting like taking both to the park for an hour is a major accomplishment when they’re with me everywhere.

However I don’t think I’d be particularly happy taking 3 kids to the chippy, including a toddler and a severely autistic child if DH was just doing housework at home. Depends if it’s just sticking them in buggy and walking, or if it’s in and out of the car. And how likely are they to run off etc? Of course it’s possible, just not ideal, and not really comparable to him working.

He could’ve asked more nicely or taken a kid or 2 with him. or asked you to go instead. Or made something for dinner that didn’t involve the chippy!

Yeah like I said it wasn't really a serious suggestion but taking 1 or 2 would have lessened the load and made my getting on with job possible.

I do feel like I get an unfair cop sometimes and that is true, and we have spoken about it and in most ways he's great, I always come home from work to clean house, he dosnt expect to come home from work and sit on his arse, he gets on with jobs. He just finds being on his own with the kids too hard and I find that really frustrating. So much so that I didn't used to go anywhere alone or do anything, but I have started to now. I have more of a social life than he does now because I've let go of the guilt. I went on 2 hen dos last month, irrelevant but proving the point that he can do, he just chooses not to when I'm around which is what I find annoying

I think you're being massively unreasonable.

The difference in him having to get 3 kids ready to go out the house (shoes etc), get them in the car, take them to the chippy, go inside the chippy with them were they are stood bored in a cramped shop near a road, then traipse back again, all back in the car, all out again at the other end, is ridiculous when you could just watch them for 10 minutes while he nips out to the chippy and nips back.

If I wanted to nip out for 10 minutes and my DH insisted I take the kids instead of him breaking off a non essential task to watch them for 10 minutes would boil my piss to be honest.

The problem of him not being capable of taking them anywhere he goes would be a different issue, and you would be right to be pissed off, but 'nipping' to the shop.. no, there's no such thing as 'nipping' anywhere with 3 kids, as you well know! 😂

Oh, and he should be helping with that laundry pile, then you wouldn't feel so put upon.

Because men are usually shit.

I don’t have taken 3 kids to the chip shop either. Why didn’t you just stop u til he got back then carried on? Seems the most sensible way.

I do recall once going somewhere overnight leaving DH with the 3 kids and one possibly needed to see the doctor and DH was incredulous that he might have to take them all with him until I pointed out that’s what I had done multiple times when he was working. Nowadays he will often take at least one to the shop etc with him