Hating newborn stage second time around

[Mum7644885]

Just that basically and a bit of a rant because it’s 2am and I’m tearing my hair out.

I have a 3 year old and 1 month old, I am hating this experience 2nd time around. Baby number 2 screams all the time, struggles with wind horrendously and then gets overtired because she gets so unsettled, then screams the whole house down. She’s such an unsettled baby and I don’t recall my first being like this.

I’m finding things really tough. At first I was okay, but the screaming has since increased and now I’m getting barely any sleep of a night, nothing i do seems to help the baby when she’s over tired, she doesn’t even want to breastfeed once she’s gottten herself all worked up.

I wish I could go back in time to just myself partner and eldest daughter. The thought of being up in 3/4 hours when my eldest wakes up and having to get through another day fills me with dread

Oh I remember that feeling. Apart from the fact I had boys I could have written that post word for word exactly eight years ago. In fact, it’s possible I did (under a different name).

This. too. Will. Pass. Repeat ad nauseum.

also, for me the best bit about my not-first babies (yup, I did it again… although it was better third time round) was the fact that I knew that the shitty bits didn’t last for ever.

I didn’t get help but looking back I was, if not depressed, definitely had mental health problems around it, but it’s still hard for me to work out of it was the lack of sleep or “everything else”. Go and talk to a hcp if you can.

That sounds really tough. I'm up at 2am and thought I'd chip in.

My first was like that, it was really hard. I don't know the answers, I'm afraid. We used to hum and sing a lot, more to soothe ourselves than the baby. She did just want to cry a lot for quite a while.

You know it's not forever but it seems like it might be. Don't be afraid of going to the midwife or doctor if you think you're tipping into pnd.

My DC are now a bit older and love the shit out of each other, they go to bed in a bunk bed and chat until they fall asleep (ok occasionally they squabble). We moved rooms around so they're in the room all the baby crying happened in. It's surreal. You'll get past this.

@Mum7644885 right here with you! Also up with my second and could have written your post. I also hated the newborn phase the first time round. I know it’ll get easier, it did the first time and I loved every stage after newborn but when we are in the thick of it that doesn’t comfort to think like that. Just one night at a time, have you got any help in the day ? A friend or family member ?

@BellaNutella88 it’s just bloody awful isn’t it ! What’s your baby like in terms of crying ? I have my mums help in the dsy about 3 or 4 and times mid week. She has saved my sanity so far bur feel like I’m slipping into quite a dark place where my exhaustion is starting to completely take over, I’m like a zombie

Thanks all @haveatye @Iggleoggledaffy youve made me feel more normal. I feel like everyone I speak to has these easy babies and are enjoying and embracing newborn life and here is me hating every minute of it with my baby screaming in my Face feeling trapped and like I’ve made a big mistake. It’s also feeling quite hard to bond with her because she’s just soil difficult, right now she’s just a little lump that I need to keep Alive and safe

@Mum7644885 i totally understand ! This one cries a bit less than my son did. My son cried constantly. But my son also used to conk out for a few hours whereas this one doesn’t so I can’t tell which is worse tbh! We’ve had more crying and whinging lately as she’s started to become more awake and seems permanently pissed off. We also tried prescription formula which went so badly yesterday and resulted in a lot of crying!

that’s great your mum came help sometimes, and if any friends offer then take that help too! I would suggest going to the doctors about how you are feeling. I was the same with my son and I never sought help and I so wish I had. This time round I’m close to that again and at My 6 week check I’ll speak to the doctors then.

Does your little one have silent reflux ? My son had that and the crying was unbearable.

sending so much love. You are doing amazing, please don’t forget that xx

Sending hugs and solidarity @Mum7644885 - I have DS3 and a 3 week old DD.

I had a good cry yesterday as really missing one child life; looking back it was so lovely and straightforward. Most of all I miss sleeping and not carrying a relentlessly wailing 4kg bundle around for 2 hours from 2am, knowing DS is going to call for DH and me before 7am 😭😭 I have no idea how I am going to manage both children on my own all day tomorrow.

But this is just a phase and we WILL get through it. My DS was not an easy baby (colic, refused to be put down) but I have hazy memories that things were a little easier from about 6-8 weeks and then again from 12 weeks - I hope I am right?!

Keep posting on here if you need, so many wise people with lots of kind words xx

It’s a really hard phase but it does pass. My dd is 6 months now and it’s so much easier than when he was a new born and didn’t sleep. Is your older DC in nursery? I would say that saves me, I don’t have any family help so a few days in nursery for dd means I can focus on ds and it’s a lot calmer than having a toddler around too.

Is CMPA a possibility? My DD was like this and had it.

I had mine the other way round, and tbh I think I would've really struggled to cope if I'd had my difficult baby second. At least first time round I had no one else to look after and I had no real expectations either. It's so fucking hard.

Look into CMPA and silent reflux. For us it was silent reflux and the meds were a game changer, but it can be a bit of a battle to get them from the GP.

As you know, this too small pass, but it's fucking awful when you're in it. One day they'll be happily playing together while you drink a hot drink and this will seem like someone else's life.

you are definitely not alone.

also: that feeling you’ve wrecked your older one’s life? (You’ve not said that, but I felt that at the time), you absolutely haven’t.

@Iggleoggledaffy yes I’ve definitely had that feeling that I’ve ruined her life, I’m sure she doesn’t feel like that and I felt worse in the early days with baby blues about it

@CelesteCunningham @BurbageBrook yes ive thought about CPMA and have cut dairy from my diet, currently 3 days in and not seen any improvement but I do know it can take 3 weeks, as for silent reflux I did think about this, I’m going to try and get a GP app today, she just seems such an unhappy, unsettled baby, there must be something wrong otherwise I just have the worlds angriest newborn on my hands

@Overthebow yes eldest is in nursery 3 days a week thank god. Sad thing is I’d much rather her home and ship the baby off to someone else. I’ve got both home today and I’m already done, strapped baby into a baby carrier in my last hope

The baby plus toddler stage is really hideous. I've blanked a lot of it out because it was so bad. I think it's very normal to regret having a 2nd at this point but for it to wear off as things improve over time.

@tortiecat ‘relentlessly wailing 4kg bundle around for 2 hours from 2am’
THIS !
I’m sick of being attached to her, constantly either carrying her or have her in the baby carrier and that’s most of the day and now she’s up for hours of a night also.

Hoping to god this gets better asap

Hi there, that sounds really tough. Definitely get that gp appointment. Do you have any options of extra help? I know you want to keep toddler at home but could you up their nursery days temporarily? Or get some mothers help in? The first while is all about survival (even with a placid baby) so throw whatever you can at it to keep your sanity. A well mum is most important thing.

Ahh. Ok. Worth trying cutting out soya as well (includes tofu, edamame, soya in bread etc) as most babies with CMPA are allergic to both.

It may not be CMPA but I definitely agree there will be something wrong. Reflux is likely.

If you look up the symptoms of silent reflux, there's some very specific things that can help you figure it out. It's been a while so my memory is rusty, but things like hiccups and the amount of time it takes for them to start crying after you lie them down (because the acid starts irritating them). If it is silent reflux, the meds should work pretty much instantly but you might need to be quite insistent with the GP that the baby is suffering (not just you, what do you count for, eh) to get them.

@cpat122 im still sending the eldest to nursery, need that break within the week, couldn’t cope otherwise.
Wish I could afford an overnight nanny to just take the baby off me between feeds, what a dream that would be

@CelesteCunningham I’ll look up the symptoms and I’ll make it very clear to GP she is really struggling, because she genuinely is, just seems so unhappy and uncomfortable

I mean booking in for extra days

Have you taken the baby to see a cranial osteopath? I know lots of people who've found it really helps to settle babies.

@justquestions yes we did actually when she was about 2 weeks old, she screamed half way into the session and they had to stop and part refunded the session… didn’t bother again, couldn’t face it