How to patent an angry child

[Onemoret1me]

I’m at my wits end. My nearly 7 year old is just so angry and tantrums constantly.

she wakes up angry, she screams and shouts, cries at the slightest thing.

I’ve tried all sorts.

milk explain the current meltdown so you get an idea.
she went to swimming lessons, in the changing rooms she kicked off as her shoes had made foot prints in the cubicle and then started shouting at me, says it’s my fault she’s upset as I’ve made footprints. It then escapers to everything is wrong, her skin is t dry enough, the towel is too rough etc etc.

then it’s carried on, so far for 1hr 15 mins, and she’s still going strong.

she’s been left to calm down in her own as having company was just angering her further. I’ve offered comfort and stayed calm. I’ve explained I understand she’s angry and upset but it’s not ok to shout and hit me.

consequence of her meltdown was that she couldn’t go to the park. She not happy about that and that’s contributed even more to the tantrum.

this is constant, I mean more or less everyday from the minute she wakes up. I just don’t know how to cope.

I may have missed things but happy to give more info or answer questions but keen for any advice you have please

Can you give us a bit more about how the conversation goes at the beginning?

She’s started calming down and asked for a hug. I gave her a hug and then she’s saying, get off me, you’ve made me cry again and it’s all your fault. And the crying and shouting starts again. I try and reason with her and get told to shut up

She gets in fine at school. Has a good group of friends, behaves herself etc. she’s mainly like this with me. Occasionally she’ll misbehave or shout with her dad or Nan but now where near to this extent. Her behaviour with them is what I’d say is normal child behaviour

It literally started with her swimming lesson finishing. We went into the changing room, I asked her to pick a cubicle and start getting dried. She doesn’t like standing on the changing room floor as says it’s always dirty so puts her sliders on. Her sliders then made very slight footprints and it escalated from there

When not having these outbursts she is a very kind, caring and happy girl, loves being around people and playing.
she just can’t seem to control her emotions

I dont want to armchair diagnose but my incredibly angry 7 year old was diagnosed with ADHD and dyspraxia age 9. We had NO clue. We thought his hyperactivity was normal (his younger DB was the same...just turns out they both have ADHD). School never flagged anything because he masked.

Basically held himself in all day then erupted at the end of each school (shaken coke bottle analogy). It was a horrible few years.

I'm not at all saying she is ND, but what helped was most was removing as many negative interactions as possible. No criticising how he can't use cutlery properly - just cut his meat up. Ditto for shoe laces. Ditto for rolling around on the floor whilst reciting his homework instead of standing nicely.

Basically "pick your battles" but to an extreme extent.

It was horrible but the more stressed and angry I was, the worse he was.

The best thing was a diagnosis, followed by reading lots about it and understanding better, then having adhd meds. He's now 13 and although he can get angry still, its a 1 minute rant and then he moves on.

This is screaming sensory processing issues to me.

Ok. Maybe I exaggerated with saying it’s constant. It feels constant.
yes some mornings she wakes up and shouts or cries for various reasons, it’s too early, I didn’t respond quick enough when she shouted me, she has to go to school, she doesn’t want to get dressed, she doesn’t want to wear socks today etc

Sounds like she has some sensory sensitivities that need managing.

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She’d perhaps have a slight strop if she didn’t want to get up or dressed but he’d tell her firmly she has to and she’d do it. I take the same approach and she shouts and cries which then escalates into a tantrum

She tends to quieten down and behave if he interjects. The tantrums escalate to this extent when I’m on my own.
it’s been happening for probably 2 years but seems to be getting worse

It sounds like she’s masking in school, but struggling with sensory sensitivities.

Working out how to reduce the sensory difficulties for my autistic ds has been a game changer. He was always teetering on the edge of a meltdown, because he was dealing with so much and there was just no spare capacity.

It sounds like you’re her safe person.

I agree it sounds like sensory sensitivities and it escalated in this situation because feeling uncomfortable with one thing heightens the awareness of the other uncomfortable sensations

It does sound like you are her safe person which is hard, but she is yelling at you because she knows she is safe with you and you will love her regardless

I’ve just been reading up on sensory processing issues and she ticks a hell of a lot of the boxes. She doesn’t like wearing clothes, struggles to tolerate socks or underwear. Struggles with change form winter to summer clothes, over reacts to the slightest bump, can be quite clumsy.

thinking about it, in a morning she’s doesn’t like the curtains being opened or light put on so wonder if that is a trigger

And being her safe person makes sense, that’s why I get the brunt of it.

And being her safe person makes sense, that’s why I get the brunt of it.

I have a DD like this too, and I just want to send solidarity because it is so hard to be the safe person sometimes. My DD is absolutely fine at school, much better with DH than me, and I get the brunt of everything. It's really hard to be the punching bag and the scapegoat, and also the person they want comfort from.

My DD isn't diagnosed with anything except anxiety because she functions too well outside the home , but I am sure she has a combination of ASD/ADHD.

Sounds very difficult and upsetting for you. We are struggling with our daughter at the moment and its exhausting. I would definitely go to the doctor and ask for an assessment or referral.