How to patent an angry child

[Onemoret1me]

I’m at my wits end. My nearly 7 year old is just so angry and tantrums constantly.

she wakes up angry, she screams and shouts, cries at the slightest thing.

I’ve tried all sorts.

milk explain the current meltdown so you get an idea.
she went to swimming lessons, in the changing rooms she kicked off as her shoes had made foot prints in the cubicle and then started shouting at me, says it’s my fault she’s upset as I’ve made footprints. It then escapers to everything is wrong, her skin is t dry enough, the towel is too rough etc etc.

then it’s carried on, so far for 1hr 15 mins, and she’s still going strong.

she’s been left to calm down in her own as having company was just angering her further. I’ve offered comfort and stayed calm. I’ve explained I understand she’s angry and upset but it’s not ok to shout and hit me.

consequence of her meltdown was that she couldn’t go to the park. She not happy about that and that’s contributed even more to the tantrum.

this is constant, I mean more or less everyday from the minute she wakes up. I just don’t know how to cope.

I may have missed things but happy to give more info or answer questions but keen for any advice you have please

Yep light is a trigger for me and going from dark to light suddenly is uncomfortable

A couple of things that help:

Pop a lamp by the door and turn that on instead of the overhead light, with a dimmer bulb so it's a gentle glow rather than a bright light

Get her one of those alarm clocks that glows, they start of dim and then glow brighter gradually to let her adjust gradually

Only open the curtains once she is used to the alarm light, then the lamp light etc.

I do all this for myself now and it's a gentler way to wake up and start moving in the morning when a sudden change of light is hard to tolerate

Dr Ross Greene is life saving. I'll link his book "the explosive child'

The Explosive Child [Sixth Edition]: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children https://amzn.eu/d/70kBkVl

Came to say exactly what Theothername said. If you haven't already, I think it would be worth making an appointment with the GP and with school to start exploring how they can support you and your DD. I hope you both get some help (you may need to push very hard for it) to find a way forward.

Some good advice.

I'd try to have consistent routines. Life's easier if the day to day is known, it's one less thing to worry about.

With new stuff talk about it in advance- what's it going to be, what will it look like. That way you can pre empt any issues.

Figure out triggers try to avoid them or find alternatives.

Try to recognise early signs of a meltdown and distract /change the situation before it escalates

Don't sweat the small stuff let it go. Try to figure out what's poor behaviour and what's a reaction. Don't punish reactions.

You mentioned two years which might time with starting primary school? I wonder if school is a full day of overstimulation? Or then when she’s on school holidays it’s the opposite of her typical day? Only a guess, I have no idea.

The Ross Greene book is v helpful.

Another one I like is 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child (Jeffrey Bernstein). Really helps with some practical techniques to reduce the anxiety that causes the behaviour and also to reduce your response to it. One of the tips is to catch her being good. I bet it's not actually constant. There will be times during the day she's regulated. So do more of that and less of the triggering things.

Swimming pool changing rooms are a notorious trigger! How about bundling on a Dri Robe or similar and just getting her out to the car, if that's practical?

Swimming is a massive sensory trigger. Wet, cold, hungry with wet hair and the smell of chlorine. Often it's dirty and often children with spd have anxiety around dirt, germs and mess. She doesn't want her feet touching the floor.

My DS is very similar, he is ASD. Sensory issues are common but transitions are also an issue for ASD kids. Transitions can also ba hard for NT kids so useful to bear this in mind whether or not you suspect ASD.

Transition from being asleep to being awake may be difficult for her to deal with. Any transition from one activity to another can be hard. The transition from the pool to the changing rooms, along with all the sensory aspects may have pushed her over the edge.

I don't really have any advice (sorry!) but sometimes understanding this can help.

Is she sleeping enough

That’s really interesting. I don’t have a clue about this but she’s definitely got an aversion to dirt and will not even stand barefoot in the changing room floor

And yes looking back I’d say it’s been since around starting school. She does struggle with a change in routine so school days, weekends, holidays.

I would say my 7 year old is very similar, also mainly with me, and I have been considering that she is ND.

Sounds a lot like PDA especially the song for support and then immediately pushing away.
Some Insta accounts to look at
https://www.instagram.com/theneurodivergentot?igsh=NjM5c3Z1Y3BnMjZ3

https://www.instagram.com/atpeaceparents?igsh=MW5jNXo5d203Zjhmcw==

https://www.instagram.com/_kristyforbes?igsh=bmZoZW8xbmJyMXM3

Not so much for the parenting advice, but more for shared experience and recognising what's going on for your little one.