Angry at how my son was treated

[hippopandamouse]

We had a rougher than usual night last night, baby up and down as usual. But we had a power cut and issues with the electrics so turned everything off at the fuse board. My 6yo got up in the night scared and asked to get into bed with me. Fine, no issues I really love that he’s asked and miss how often he used to do it.

OH wakes up in a foul mood telling me to move over and that DS being in the bed has caused him to have a bad back. He then goes on to shout at DS and says to stay in “your own f***g bed next time!”

OH goes downstairs to make his flask (I’ve usually done everything for him). I walk round the bed to get the baby who’s been woken up and notice my son is lying there crying so we have a cuddle and I tell him it’s all okay. It breaks my heart as he absolutely idolises his dad, but he just can’t control his temper over anything!

OH then comes up and says goodbye to the baby, totally ignores DS and I. I follow him downstairs asking why we’ve been ignored and he snaps at me saying “you don’t care for my welfare why should I say goodbye to you!” HE’S 6!!!!! He’s come into our bed because he was frightened ffs.

DS used to be in our bed to cuddle me everyday a couple of years ago, OH hated it and ended up screaming at him so he stopped :(

Sorry I don’t have anyone to vent to!

The fact that he swore at your son would be the end for me.

This is Mumsnet. You know what we will all say.

Can't control his temper....
What else does this look like at home?

It'd be over for me.

I can’t believe you accept a man who used to scream at your 4ish year old and swears and shouts at him now. He’s scaring your son, protect him ffs.

your poor son

This is a ltb op. Your little boy and baby will suffer dreadfully mentally otherwise.

Why are you putting up with this?

No one would treat my son like that. You need to make the right choices to protect him. Also if he was like this with the 6 year old why on earth have another baby?

@MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira

Bit late for that now 🙄

Try being nice to someone who is asking for advice instead of berating them

He idolises the dad that loses his temper at you.
What is he learning here? He's learning that he's unsafe and he's ultimately learning to yell at women.

You know what you need to do.

Put your kids first and get this man out of your life.

I'm not going to say LTB cos I know life love families are more complicated than that. I've also got a DH like this and it's very much pick your battles. My DH has also been controlling in the past storming out from any argument saying he's going to leave us.
However this is definitely one of them- for me an absolute red line is treat the children with love and kindness otherwise may hell rain down on him.
Over the years I've learned the threats to leave me are empty and he needs (and maybe even appreciates) being kept on track with some very harsh words at times.
Maybe find a moment when the kids are firmly asleep in case he kicks off, but you should tell him calmly but straight that he is never to swear and shout at the children again. They will be heartbroken, they'll learn to shout and swear themselves, and they'll grow up hating him.
He can control himself if he wants to you just need him to see it's worse for him if he's bad to them. Good luck xxx

Your husband abuses his son. You need to protect your little boy from this. He isn't a good enough parent to be allowed to parent.

You know what the saying is, give me a boy until he's 6 and I'll give you the man. If you stay with your OH you will probably have a DS who behaves exactly the same way.

Oh that man would regret treating my child like that...

Op, you are worth more than this. And your children deserve better.

@leafybrew we don't have to pretend everyone makes good decisions all the time. She hasn't, now she needs to make better ones to protect her children

This is really sad. I bet your ds wont ask to sleep in your bed again, even if he really wants to.

Hope you gave him lots of cuddles op.

You feel angry for a reason. He was abusive to your child. Use that anger to protect your children from this self centred man-child.

I absolutely would not tolerate any person who speaks to a small child in that manner. It's disgusting.

'He then goes on to shout at DS and says to stay in “your own f***g bed next time!”

OH goes downstairs to make his flask (I’ve usually done everything for him).'

Not only is he awful to your son and intimidating, you also do everything for him. Not only is he scary to live with, he doesn't lift a finger. I don't know what else to say except confide in someone and get support to work out how to change things or leave.

Firstly get some therapy to work out why you have married a man like this and then gone on to have a second child with him. Otherwise you will will never be free of dysfunctional relationship dynamics.
Second if you haven't already I would be very upfront with him and let him know his behaviour was completely unacceptable and it can never happen again. If he apologises and is willing to work on his behaviour then whilst undergoing your own therapy you could give him a final chance. If he gets defensive and angry then Ltb.

Whilst his behaviour is awful, this could be a manifestation of anxiety. My DH went through a period of being angry with me all the time - turns out he was anxious as hell and since taking appropriate meds is back to his usual self.

Tell him you will not tolerate this behaviour and ask him to leave and seek help for his anger issues before he damages his relationship with his children irreparably.

Get your son away from that emotional abusive prick. How dare he wouldn't have seen the stairs meet him if any person ever spoke to my children like like that, least their father.

Another abusive prick of a "father".

he just can’t control his temper over anything!

He's an abusive, bad-tempered, sulky, immature cunt. You should protect your son and leave him.