Girl Mom or boy Mom

[mommyandmore]

Which is harder in your opinion & why?

I have a 20 month old girl who is full of sass and big emotions. She loves books and can be sensitive to the world around her.

We have good days and days when I want to throw her out of the window 😂

I only have the one and I hear they are all as 'bad' another just at different ages

Surely it’s personality and temperament rather than sex? Personally my ds is a much easier baby then my dd was.

I don't understand the title and the question seems odd.

I have a 20 month old boy and other than being crap with sleep he's an absolute darling most of the time. Very loving and cuddly and doesn't really tantrum, though I live in terror that it'll come🤣

At that age they're just children. The differences come from our own innate biases and the sexist generalisations of wider society.

I imagine there are real differences in the teen years but I haven't hit that yet.

I definitely believes it’s not about if they’re a boy or a girl, it’s down to their personality and temperament. I’ve seen brothers that are raised the same but are totally different. One was strong willed, naughtier etc whilst the other wouldn’t dream of getting into trouble and very quiet. Boys that are calm and quiet whereas the girls that are confident and boisterous and visa versa.

Yes I have two very different girls. Same parents, only two years apart, same nursery etc etc. Each wonderful in different ways, each responsible for many extra wrinkles and grey hairs in their parents!

I have 2 girls so I can't give an accurate answer.

The only thing I've noticed with boys is that they are generally rougher and more boisterous (obviously not all of them).

But there is a massive, noticeable difference when going to a boys party. They all jump all over each other, push each other around, fight etc. you often hear the Mums having to pull them aside to stop hurting one another. It's a totally different story at a girls party.

I had a friend earnestly explain to me recently how different it is raising girl babies and toddlers. I have boys, she has girls. We sat down and compared notes. Sounded pretty similar to me!! Even she had to admit that she was surprised we were basically having the same experience! I don't doubt sex comes into it and raises different challenges as they get bigger, but at the early stages...no.

They are harder in different ways

I have boy and girl twins

Boy twin is very needy to the extreme. TERRIBLE sleeper. Stubborn. Very physical. Just wants to be on the go all the time always getting in to things ....but he's incredibly charming (age 3!) and very cuddly and loving.

Girl twin is full of personality big drama, obstinate, will argue black is white, wicked sense of humour, protective and loyal

They are a whirlwind and joy and nightmare all at the same time 😂

I also have an older girl and I can tell you OP it doesn't get any easier!

She's a baby. I don't know if you'd apply the word "sass" to a boy? There's a lot to unpick there.
It sounds as if you're struggling. I understand that "throwing out of the window" remark was an expression of frustration, but it does sound as if you need some help and support.
Do have a partner or a family member who can help?.

Neither are harder. I have both girls and boys. It goes in different stages but over all it evens out to pretty similar. Also depends on temperament of the child and you.

If you go down the girls are full of sass and boys are < insert stereotype>, you’re going to have problems.

I have a son and a daughter, both are easy, good kids. Treat them as the individuals they are, they’ll have different personalities and will need different parenting.

I have a 10yo girl, a 3yo girl and an 8wo boy.

10yo girl - Velcro baby, mummy’s girl for a long time, easygoing toddler, starting to get some hormonal attitude and rebellion now.

3yo girl - easy baby, mummy’s girl still, hard work toddler as she’s a wild child, will see how the teenage years hit

8wo boy - proving to be exactly the same as my other two at 8wo. He sleeps pretty well and is happier to go down for short periods than DD1 was.

My two girls have been so different so I have no doubt that my boy will be his own little person as well.

It’s based on personality and individuals, and how they’re treated. Not everything is automatically linked to their sex. Think about how you describe your daughter - “sass” for a baby seems very bizarre. Would you say that if baby was male?

I don't understand why people are getting all funny with this question.
You can just give your personal experience and not pick apart the question too much!

Also, the person saying you sound like you need some help and support because you jokingly said you want to throw her out the window sometimes. It's blatantly a joke. I've said this phrase so many times. It doesn't mean she's desperately struggling. Babies are hard, and you do want to throw them or yourself out of a window several times a day.

I don't understand why people are getting all funny with this question.

Because generalising by sex at this age is just the start of the slippery slope to the very real sexism we face as adults.

This.

Exactly this

Girl mum and boy mum?!? For fuck sake, are people really still peddling this archaic sexist nonsense? The sex of your child is irrelevant. Your daughter doesn't have 'sass' (whatever the hell that means) because she has a vulva. She has 'sass' because that is her personality. I have a girl and a boy. I am a mum to both of them. The way I parent them, what I expect from them, and what I want for their futures has absolutely fuck all to do with their genitals. Assumptions like the ones the OP are making matter, because it reinforces the patriarchy, which given we are responsible for raising the next generation, should matter to all of us mums

100% this. Babies are babies. It's as simple as that.

I think it’s hard to realise when we’re doing it, as our society is so focused on sex and gender, but you should consider if the ways you’re treating and labelling your girl, or the ways your perceiving her behaviour would be the same if she was a boy.
are you the same as all women? Are all the men in your life the same as ‘all men’ or do they have personality differences, different values or ethics, different interests? There may be Broad similarities but you have to ask yourself if these are nature or nurture. I certainly don’t think it’s ideal to label some as naturally good or bad, or easier or harder, if you have a second of the other sex that’s going to lead to some problems.

I doubt there isn’t a little boy alive who hasn’t behaved how your daughter is, but I bet they aren’t described as having ‘sass’

I have a boy and a girl. I think it’s more order of birth that makes a difference than sex although I know not always the case. My first (boy) is calm, fairly quiet and always been very well behaved. Daughter is a little wild child who loves to be centre stage. This seems to be the case for a lot of my friends that the first born is more sensible and rule conforming than the second born.

You are projecting your stereotypes onto your baby @mommyandmore . She doesn’t have ‘sass’, for goodness sake, she’s a toddler. She has personality and will, like every other healthy toddler.

There is no difference. My sons were far more different from each other than they were from their sister, who has traits of both (and plenty of her own, obviously).

Girl Mom / Boy Mom is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think of them differently you will socialise them differently, and raise very different children.

Don’t get trapped in rigid mindsets. Children are just children. Raise an individual, not a stereotype.

Wow thanks for your replies! Never a dull moment on Mumsnet that's for sure 😂
To answer some of you - my title boy Mom or girl Mom was me simply wondering...I don't have any other experience so just me pondering if there is/isnt biologically a difference in temperment. I dont see that as a problem. After all, one of our big problems in society is also not speaking up and asking questions. Sometimes you just can't win!

For those worried, thank you, that is thoughtful but please let me reassure you I am happy, I love my daughter unconditionally and am coping just fine. It was merely an expression and perhaps my sense of humour re: throwing her out of the window. Apologies.

Finally, I'm VERY aware of gender stereotypes and I would actually call a boy it if he also was. I don't see the word sassy as a 'bad' thing. Whilst it can have the negative connotations as bold, unwilling it can also mean confident, spirited, lively which can be a good thing! So maybe look at your understanding of the word before questioning my use of it. LO has a gender neutral nursery, wears lots of colours, has dinosaurs, dolls, building blocks, balls, participates in football classes, music, swimming, dancing - I do not give a monkeys!