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Original poster

Jealous bf over co parenting

38 replies

Juls888 · 21/05/2024 04:25

I was with my childs father for 10 years and have been separated for three. We have a 5 year old, my daughters dad lives in a different country so when we separated we still done things together as a family and when he came here, he stayed in the house as I personally think that's better for my daughter, her father also has no family or friends here. Since meeting my bf ive stopped doing the family things for his sake, stopped her father staying, which now my daughter also has to stay in a hotel. I understand my bfs points and feelings but I feel like he's constantly nit picking.now it was a problem I went into the hotel to drop my daughter off.he is forever bad mouthing him,even though they are yet to meet .Her father and I get on well and he has always said he is not interested in my love life as that's my business and his is nothing to do with me and that's how him and I have been since. My boyfriend is making more demands that I must tell my childs father about us, which I actually have, with his response just being "okay then".My daughter wants her dad and I to do things with her still and often gets upset. I really don't know what to do. My bf is quite jealous over many other things not relating to this and I just don't want him making my co parenting difficult as I feel that's where it's heading.
I am going away soon on a holiday and it would be easier for me for her father to come and stay here, take her to school etc and I wouldn't be around anyway but I have also had to not allow that for the sake of my bf and get other care for her. Please advise as I am unsure on what to do

OP posts:
coffy11 · 21/05/2024 04:30

Get rid of the boyfriend. He's controlling, it's not a healthy relationship.
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your daughters father and things were working well before your dickhead boyfriend arrived on the scene.

LadyMinerva · 21/05/2024 04:33

No, he is not right in the slightest. Your daughter is your priority. The relationship and co parenting dynamic you and her father have works for you. If you are going to be in a relationship then that relationship needs to fit into the dynamic you already have, not the other way around.

A relationship with a jealous person will never ,ever work because they will need find peace with the fact that you not only had a relationship before them but you have a constant reminder of that relationship. I've been there and can tell you that it will never work and will only get worse.

Original poster
Juls888 · 21/05/2024 04:38

Thank you, to be honest things were going fine before I met this guy with my daughters dad and I feel like he is pushing and demanding more and more

OP posts:

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Poppalina37 · 21/05/2024 04:50

💯 get rid of the boyfriend! You will meet someone who has the maturity to trust you and put your daughter first.

He sounds like a total nightmare x sorry that you have to make a choice x

Ladyj84 · 21/05/2024 04:51

Not a bf I would want around my children

twoandcooplease · 21/05/2024 05:16

How long have you been with the boyfriend? I agree with others you have a great relationship with your dds dad, I wouldn't let someone come in and trample on all the hard work you have both done to co parent your daughter well

Is this man childless?

Spinningroundahelix · 21/05/2024 05:42

Right now you're prioritising your weirdo boyfriend's insecurities over your daughter's wellbeing and happiness. This is a man who is so peculiar that he is forever bad mouthing your daughter's father even though he's never actually met him. Dump him asap.

lifesrichpageant · 21/05/2024 05:46

Put your daughter first! You and your ex seem to be doing a good job co-parenting. Your boyfriend will only get worse.

Fathomless · 21/05/2024 05:52

Spinningroundahelix · 21/05/2024 05:42

Right now you're prioritising your weirdo boyfriend's insecurities over your daughter's wellbeing and happiness. This is a man who is so peculiar that he is forever bad mouthing your daughter's father even though he's never actually met him. Dump him asap.

this. nothing you do will be enough for him. get rid. put your daughter first.

Olika · 21/05/2024 06:04

You seriously need to dumb your bf. I cannot believe you are sacrificing your DD's happiness and wellbeing for a man. Time to put her first.

Scarydinosaurs · 21/05/2024 06:08

The boyfriend should be there to make your life a little more fun NOT making it difficult.

You need to break up.

afromom · 21/05/2024 06:18

Get rid of your boyfriend. You have a great relationship with your DDs dad which she will thank you for and is the best thing for her, don't let your boyfriend ruin that for you all.

I have had pretty much the same set up with my DS dad, my partner who I have been with for 10 years now has accepted us continuing our great relationship for all of these years as he knows it's what's best for DS. DS has always said he is grateful to us all for remaining on good terms with each other and that his Dad and I can get on and still do things with him together like go for a meal when his Dad visits.

There are men out there that are mature enough to accept a good coparenting relationship, ditch your boyfriend and find someone who won't ruin your relationship with your daughter.

MFF2010 · 21/05/2024 06:22

I agree with every other post, this relationship won't work long term, better cut him loose now and put your DD first not some random weirdo 💐

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 21/05/2024 06:27

your boyfriend is controlling. And this is the start. Why would it be an issue if your ex stayed in your house when you were away? Is you bf trying to move in? What are his living arrangements now?

My boyfriend is making more demands that I must tell my child's father about us, which I actually have, with his response just being "okay then"
This is telling. The bf wasnt really arsed about him knowing, he just wanted to exert power or cause an argument.

how dare he interfere with your dd and her dad

dump him. Where could it possible go woth a man who is jealous and controlling?

vidflex · 21/05/2024 06:48

As your dd gets older she will start to pick up on his behaviour. This will affect their relationship. He needs to go x

TwilightSkies · 21/05/2024 06:49

Get rid!!!!

Original poster
Juls888 · 21/05/2024 06:51

Thank you all for your messages I appreciate it, and I've known it, but he just makes out I'm absolutely out of order and can't believe I would even do such things. It sounds crazy because I'd never put up with this kind of thing ever before but he is the first person I've met since my daughters dad, I barely do anything cause his jealousy but its like I'm attached in a weird way. This has been going on for 2 years, very off and on, but I've deleted social media for him, I get accused of cheating constantly even though I'm never out, and lots more. But the daughter thing I need to put her first, bottom line

OP posts:
Ubugly · 21/05/2024 06:57

People who always accuse others of cheating are often cheating themselves tbh.

Your daughter is only young so you have many years of co parenting and your boyfriend sounds like an absolute twat. My ex is absolutely useless but has a key to my house he's never lived in so when I'm at work he can collect my child's stuff etc. I would cancel the holiday as he's trying to alienate you.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/05/2024 07:17

This is really really easy op.

Dump boyfriend.

BUT. It's such a no-brainer, that the fact you had to question it, is worrying. I would not get in to another relationship for a while if I were you, until I'd done sone work on myself and what is acceptable. Spend sone time just you and your daughter. It's lovely that her dad can be included in such a friendly way.

Next time
'I don't want you doing x'
'Tough. That's what I'm doing.'

Original poster
Juls888 · 21/05/2024 07:33

I am going away with friends on holiday whixh also didn't go down well but I have been going to counselling so hopefully that helps and help me figure out wtf I'm doing

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 21/05/2024 07:38

Good for you op.

Your plan for her dad to stay in your house whilst you go on holiday is perfect.

Enjoy your holiday.

Treeinthesky · 21/05/2024 07:39

Tbh I wouldn't want my ex in my house and neither would my bf. Why would you do stuff with your ex. Your daughter has dad days and mum days?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 21/05/2024 07:40

You dump him is what you do. He’s an abusive controlling prick.

read your posts-the things you’ve given up to avoid his jealousy and how he is isolating you. And then one day you will be in the headlines but won’t be here to read them.

GerbilsForever24 · 21/05/2024 07:42

Yup, end this. He's a controlling ass who has the convenient stick of an ex of yours to beat you with.

Footle · 21/05/2024 07:44

Your boyfriend gives me the creeps.