Ex threatening to report me to social services because my front door was open.

[Dsmama24]

Hi all,
XH and I share one dc together. He was awful during the marriage and once I left him he made numerous false allegations straight after to SS and the police. Ss and police came to visit and had no concerns.

Despite that, I’ve tried my best to remain amicable regarding Co parenting. After he found out I was in a new relationship he has done nothing but try to sabotage it and successfully has done. He went from having dc 2 days a week to suddenly once every 2 weeks. He also kept demanding that new partner was not allowed at my flat when dc was present. Not because of safeguarding concerns, purely because he doesn’t want any other man around Dc. Even though he got remarried in secret back in his home country.

Today a baby sparrow flew into my flat while I was getting my washing in so I left the doors open while trying to get it out. When XH returned DC who had been staying with him since yesterday (he turned up 30 mins early) and started ringing me saying he was outside and why the hell was my door open. I explained I was inside and trying to get this bird out.

He has now sent a message stating he has safeguarding concerns because my door was open when he came to drop off dc and that anyone could have broken in (I was inside the whole time) and that he had reported me to social services because of it 😩

What can I expect? Would SS come out for such a thing? Thanks in advance :)

@Dsmama24 this guy sounds like an utter embarrassment to men everywhere. Ignore him, SS aren't going to think anything other than "what a tool".

Social Services will think he's a ridiculous w*nker! However, your descriptions of how he constantly makes a fuss about stupid things makes me think perhaps you have been too tolerant just to keep the peace. I would ignore all messages about shoes/scratches/who you are allowed to have in your house. He has absolutely no right to dictate to you about these things and you shouldn't engage or try and justify yourself in any way. Make sure you document any further harassment so you have evidence should you ever need to prove his unreasonable behaviour towards you. I'm sorry OP that you have to put up with this arsehole 🙁

Also, don’t even bother telling him you’re going to cms. Just do it.

Contact CMS immediately.

Encourage him to contact SS. The more stupid reports he makes, the more likely he is to be filed in the ‘nut job ex’ category which may help you in future court proceedings which are highly likely to be in your future.

What a moron.
I would hope these services get to deal or flag the moron parents who don't have anything better to do.

Never mind sparrows op. The only reason you should have kept the door locked is to keep out the malicious tits.

(I also want to know what he would have done if the baby bird had flown at him when you answered the door! Presumably shat himself and then threatened to report you for allowing dangerous wildlife into your home)

Threatening to report you to social services is domestic abuse. Social services will likely see straight through his concerned father act and recognise that, especially if this is a pattern of behaviour, and hopefully can support you with how to manage him. In the mean time, I’d google the name of your county and domestic abuse and find a local charity that can support you face to face.

Yep I'd ignore.

It's actually disgusting the way people misuse SS like this when you think of all the children that are not safe at home with their own parents.

And does he think he's a good parent? Using his kid to abuse their mother? Cutting contact to inconvenience her with no thought that the child might miss him/ be confused?

Thanks all very much for your replies :)
I haven’t heard from himself or SS thankfully. Just went completely quiet. I can’t believe he’s clutching at literally anything to try and report me for. I don’t know what he expected me to do with the bird and how else to get it out!

I feel for you. I wouldn't worry about ss it will likely give them a good laugh when then are told a parent must be neglectful because they opened a door to let a bird out when the child was not there!

It does get easier, my exdh was awful for the first couple years, but eventually he got bored and his interest in me lessoned.

As the kids got older our contact became none existent as they would go out to car rather than ex coming to door. They are 22 and 24 now, I haven't spoken to him in 3 years when I saw him at dds graduation and prior to that probably 6 or 7 years.

We get on fine now, we have both remarried (him twice!) and have very much moved on we are polite in each other company. It's 18 years since we split, he's like a stranger to me now.

Stick to boundaries, don't do him any favours unless they benefit you. Don't slate him to your kids ideally they should have a positive relationship with him. (But that's largely down to him) Do increase money if he intends to have them less.

Incidentally I am very close to both our dd and we regularly socialise and go on holiday together.

The see their dad every few months have no significant relationship with him and are not particularly close to his 4 children he has had since.

You reap what you sow.

I'm sure it will give SS a much needed laugh.

The horror, you brought in some washing, a bird flew in and you wanted to get it out of the house.

Echo the “go to the CMS” message.

He just wants to take up your brain space, and he knows a social services threat will do it.

i like the grey rock response - “noted” “if you think that’s best” “fine” - something you don’t have to think about but can use for almost any nonsense

I'd text "you need adult SS as it's clearly my welfare you're concerned about as DC not here. The number is xxxxxxxxxx"