Ex threatening to report me to social services because my front door was open.

[Dsmama24]

Hi all,
XH and I share one dc together. He was awful during the marriage and once I left him he made numerous false allegations straight after to SS and the police. Ss and police came to visit and had no concerns.

Despite that, I’ve tried my best to remain amicable regarding Co parenting. After he found out I was in a new relationship he has done nothing but try to sabotage it and successfully has done. He went from having dc 2 days a week to suddenly once every 2 weeks. He also kept demanding that new partner was not allowed at my flat when dc was present. Not because of safeguarding concerns, purely because he doesn’t want any other man around Dc. Even though he got remarried in secret back in his home country.

Today a baby sparrow flew into my flat while I was getting my washing in so I left the doors open while trying to get it out. When XH returned DC who had been staying with him since yesterday (he turned up 30 mins early) and started ringing me saying he was outside and why the hell was my door open. I explained I was inside and trying to get this bird out.

He has now sent a message stating he has safeguarding concerns because my door was open when he came to drop off dc and that anyone could have broken in (I was inside the whole time) and that he had reported me to social services because of it 😩

What can I expect? Would SS come out for such a thing? Thanks in advance :)

Your DC weren't there at the time, don't worry about it. Explain to them (if they call!) that it's malicious.

Just reply "noted".
Keep all texts and keep a diary.
Only communicate by text or email.

Deal with the maintence via the CMS, and do not contact him/reply to any contact from him unless it absolutely needs a reply ie it will impact your DC if you do not reply regarding arrangment changes etc. Ideally via a seperate email address so that you can block his phone number so he's not intruding with his nonsense there and you can start to relax a bit.

Social Services will not be interested in you trying to let a sparrow out of your house via the front door. You know this logically, but your central nervous system is reacting to the threat of his previous behaviour. Practice calming yourself and not responding immediately, have some techniques that you can use to help yourself, and make the new normal be Ignore and Move On.

He will take as much of your energy as you will give him, put him at arms length and call his bluff. Let him call Social Services, you concentrate on your own remit.

Definitely read up on grey rock, and learn not to respond to any of the hot air . It's tough but worth it

His malicious reporting is likely to backfire on him. Just ignore him. If social services does show up, answer their questions and it will all likely go away from your side.

In my previous job, I took these calls, and had to follow them up. They had to be followed up, "just in case", and in a case like you've outlined, assuming dad told the story as you just have, I would have asked dad what he thought you should have done to get the bird out of your house, and if he believed his child was at risk in any way because of mum's actions on that occasion.

I'd then pass the notes from the call to a manager, who would have then got me to make a call to mum to see what her version of events was, to ask if she needed any support (stupid question in a case like this, but it had to be asked), and signposting to relevant agencies who could support, then the case would be closed with NFA.

I suspect that is exactly what would happen in your case, if he is daft enough to report you to Children's Services for trying to get a bird out of your house. FFS, just writing that down, I would actually love to be the person taking that call and asking him what outcome he was looking for.

Stop responding to him. It's none of his business whether you were trying to get the bird out or air the house.

I agree about

Ffs, sorry.
I agree about ignoring him for now and hoping he gets bored but if he doesn't I'd be inclined to see a solicitor about his attempts to control your life and disrupt your child.

If the child is still very young you have a lot of this bullshit to come.

It cannot be a safeguarding risk if you had no children there to safeguard. What an imbecile. I hope he does report, it'll help in the future if he makes any more serious claims.

I’d just respond with a laughing emoji to every ridiculous threat.

But he was looking after your child at the time 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I think you should go to CM. I doubt you will have to put up with him for the next 15 years, he's already chosen to cut contact .

Ignore all his threats as well . He's talking shit. And definitely don't explain yourself or have a conversation with him regarding his reporting and BS.

Also you can have who you want in your home . That's absolutely nothing to do with him.

Pursue money through CMs.
Get a cheap mobile for his number only so you choose when to look at any messages from him.
Grey rock and ignore 99% of it. He’s just wanting a rise out of you and a way to control you.

It’s harassment. You should go through CMS anyway, as he’d probably withdraw your maintenance agreement and dick you around.

Easier said than done, but I think if you stop tip-toeing around his efforts to continue to control you, you'll feel stronger and less bothered by his stupid crap. The fact that you were worried about social services being interested in a grown adult having their door open, tells me you are in a constant state of high alert/stress about him that is affecting your thinking and life

Honestly, take back control - it'll feel better than this.

Claim maintenance in full through CMS
Any further threats of social services don't get into any conversations, just shut the door on him (you don't let him into your home, do you?)
If it's a phone or text threat, just respond 'noted' and don't respond further
Don't tell him anything about your personal life at all. If he asks, it's 'that's none of your business' and end of conversation.

It doesn't matter if he thinks he's still in control of you - he isn't. Live your life, stop panicking about idiocy, if he ramps things up in response (not saying he definitely will) go to the police re abuse from ex.

He wants a rise out of you.

I'd not reply to anything unless it's about pick up or drop off times or other essential information about your child.

He may escalate his attention for a bit but when he sees you will not take the bait he will give up.

Make sure he is blocked on all social media.

Does making malicious reports to SS count as harassment? If so log it with 101 and forward the incident number to SS. Report to 101 every time he does this.

Let him. Social set y won't be remotely interested.

You've done nothing wrong and he's being an arse.

If he's made groundless allegations in the past it's highly likely the SA already have him pegged as a vindictive time-wasting twat

In a weird way this is good op. Because it’s so ridiculous if he makes other allegations they will know his history. They won’t be interested given your child wasn’t even there!

This.

stop replying

don’t rise to his bullshit.

smile and wave and let him crack on

dont allow him to dictate what you do/don’t do in your own home.

“My life is no longer any of your business”

As a retired SW would say that i would have laughed my arse off if this came in as a referral.

First thing . You can’t co parent with this man . You need to be doing side by side . It’s not the same .

Great let him inform Ss .. though a complete waste of their time and resources. it builds up a picture of him not you .

go to cms . Grey rock is your answer . Honestly the less contact the better . Don’t let him know anything he says or does bothers you .