Your high needs baby- how are they now?

[NewMomma21]

Hi there,

I’ve posted before about my very high needs baby. He is now almost 8 months and while things have improved, he is still a lot of work. He is very bright and alert and needs almost constant interaction and stimulation. He will not do any real stints of playing solo, still refuses all tummy time so hasn’t started to crawl so requires a huge amount of 1:1 interaction to keep him entertained. He still cries a lot, mostly out of boredom or frustration. While he does sleep through the night, I am exhausted from the relentlessness of it all alongside looking after his sibling who is 2.5.

For anyone who has had a high needs baby, how are they now? Just looking for some light at the end of the tunnel after a very long week

Mine is now a high needs 3 year old, still doesn't sleep through the night needs constant chatter and movement. He's exhausting, but his ability to communicate well has really helped him and us. He makes me want to scream in frustration but also pee my pants laughing most days 😂

She’s now 11. Diagnosis of mild CP at age 4.

Still bloody hard work, stubborn and emotionally volatile, but great, a very bright, interesting child who does well academically and has a good quirky group of friends.

Looking back over the years she became happier and easier the more she was able to entertain herself. Becoming mobile helped a lot, though I had to have eyes in the back of my head. Learning to read was a total gamechanger. She’s great at coming up with things to do, not so great at being told she’s not allowed as her idea is destructive or dangerous!

Mine is now 11 and is wonderfully kind hearted, incredibly smart, very well liked by his peers, an absolute credit to us.
He's also has diagnoses of ASD, dyslexia, and dyspraxia. Still a fussy eater, poor sleeper and needs constant input.
I'm still exhausted but wouldn't be without him.

Now aged 14, ADHD with a PDA profile.

Age 12 was the absolute worst, things have gotten better since.

She was a Velcro baby who resisted everything and anything, screamed relentlessly, hit, bit, grabbed, no cooperation despite reward systems etc.

All makes sense now in hindsight; just totally disregulated most of the time. Now we have medication, therapeutic support, systems in place and we totally get her.

Mine improved when he could crawl, improved lots when he could walk, and at 2 and a half was a fabulous, high energy, but inquisitive, toddler. Apart from not sleeping through until about 5y he was delightful from preschool onwards.
GCSEs are next year, and kids and adults all seem to love him. He's still high needs in terms of having 101 hobbies and activities to fill his time, and that often involves taking him places, but it's a totally different (and much more pleasant!) type of needs!

Mine is 2.5 now and he's still harder work than the average child I think, but it's so much more bearable now. He was a purple crier for the first 9-12 months whereas now he's just more prone to tantrums than the average kid.

He still needs more stimulation and things to hold his interest than average, he's not as calm and placid as a lot of my friends children. Thankfully he does a lot of independent play now, as long as he has the right toys to hold his interest.

In y6, looking forward to going to high school, plenty of friends, fiercely independent, resourceful, bright, thoughtful, confident but quiet. Turning into a typical pre-teen.

High needs baby was a nightmare until she was about 5. I wanted to leave home.
She's 12 now and quite a needy friend- so frequently disappointed. Absolute delight in school, but still doesn't really know how to entertain herself without other people.

My easy child is much more problematic as a teen.

High needs baby is now 4yo. He is still quite high maintenance, needs a lot of attention and stimulation. Has a lot of energy so needs it burning off with very active play. Didn't sleep through til about 2 but then was a great sleeper and still is. He is very affectionate and very smart, especially with specific interests that he has. Also was an incredibly early walker, very determined and still has those traits. Can be head strong and stubborn but is quite resilient in personality. Can be quite moany if bored but is great in social situations and also is extremely adaptable and takes things like changes in environment or people in his stride easily. He's great :)

Mixed bag at nearly 2:

• Sleeps through mostly but very low sleep needs. 9pm - 5.30am with a 1 hour nap (we're cutting it down to try and get more night sleep) is common.
• Still very clingy and lots of separation anxiety. Took ages to settle at nursery and will now tell me he is "feeling sad mummy working" but has a great time at nursery and now starting to say "Mummy go away" when he wants to explore outside on his own.
• Not great at solo independent play. He's an only child and really wants us to join in games with him a lot at home, although much more independent at the park (unless he's insisting we help him on the big slides)
• Very fussy about things he doesn't like. Big fuss about teeth brushing, nappy change, washing face. Every bloody day. Also quite selective about what he eats, but not worryingly so.
• Very social with other children. Takes his trucks to the park and will offer them as a swap to play with other kids. Loves it when another kid plays with him.
• Very verbally adept. Uses sentences and hundreds of words in English with a few in DH's language.
• Very imaginative. Makes up cute little stories. Obsessed with the vehicles doing roadworks down our street.
• Very silly and loves physical play - chasing, cuddling, being picked up and turned upside down, climbing all over us etc

Overall a pretty typical toddler, just very high energy and opinionated.

High needs baby turned into a delightful toddler and lovely preschooler

She has multiple food allergies and severe silent reflux that she still hasn't outgrown at almost 4. She has a lovely nature, amazing ability to keep herself occupied and can spend hours playing on her own with Lego. If she is reacting to a food when we do a reintroduction she has a lot of big feelings and a very short fuse. I think nearly all of her high needs came from reflux and allergies. She reached symptoms free for the allergies at 15 months and her reflux goes in and out of being managed. She also goes a bit fractious when her reflux is out of control.

She still doesn't sleep particularly well but if all of her needs are met she will sleep through the night. If her reflux is bad she's up every 40 minutes

He is very bright and alert and needs almost constant interaction and stimulation. He will not do any real stints of playing solo

Basically my high needs baby is still like this at age 4.

I can see glimpses of "He knows best" lately.. I do think the teen years might be just as hard 😭 But like you say hopefully nothing compared to the first year!

Ah OP, I really feel for you.
Mine is now 11. She’s often described as a BIG personality. She’s very, very bright and articulate and definitely knows her own mind. In a way she’s a continuation of the little person she once was but ever since she was able to talk and walk she became a lot more content. She was actually a model toddler. I don’t think I ever remember her having a tantrum and she pretty much just potty trained herself in a day. So despite the fact that I happily would have left her on a doorstep when she was a baby, things DID improve!
She still cries a lot (very expressive), likes a lot of attention and she often doesn't sleep through the night- but now she just listens to an audiobook or something. I don’t know because the main thing is, she isn’t waking me up anymore!!

Just to note that two posters have pointed out that their children have huge empathy. I feel that this may be an unconscious statement to deny / avoid any association with Neurodivergence.

The lacking empathy issue has been largely debunked regarding Autistic people. In fact, Autistic people often have more empathy than their Neurotypical counterparts.

I'm only mentioning this to debunk the theory and also to say that being Autistic isn't some sort of life sentence, label, or anything to be feared.

High needs babies can (and do) go on to become fully rounded individuals, be that ND or NT, as this thread has shown.

Pffft. I don't know if this counts but my DD had colic and then v demanding, never how I saw having a kid. Argumentative since day 1 - no full nights sleep until at least 5. Now she has this fire I never knew possible but she is embarrassed to be seen with us at 12 so in some ways not high needs but also still very much high needs. It gets better and worse. I think DD has ADD but hard to get support this late.

You'll manage it.

15, autistic, and absolutely awesome. She is doing so well in school and is looking at top universities. She has her first summer job lined up. She has a good friend group, mostly populated by other neuro-diverse girls.

we have some issues with executive function. She is prone to losing things and organization in general is tricky. It’s a work in progress.

we had a rough spell right before we managed to get a diagnosis. Not knowing why she was so very smart, but so very stubborn was difficult for everyone.

Mine turned 18 months and transformed into the most placid, wonderful chilled out toddler! I worried about asd and all sorts but turns out he just utterly hated being a baby and had horrific reflux, as he became more active and able to communicate his personality changed entirely. My younger child (who we nearly didn’t have due to said high needs sibling) is another kettle of fish altogether as a toddler and I realise how truly easy I had it with no1s toddler years!!!

I had a high needs baby who barely slept, had reflux, colic etc and made me regret parenthood in a major way at the time. She is my first and now I have a second child who was a lovely calm content baby.

My high needs one turned in a fairly easy toddler except she had another prolonged time of poor sleep aged 2. She's in junior school now and is very intelligent, excels academically but is intense and we think possibly autistic. She's not too difficult to parent really though, nothing like those awful early weeks and months.

My high needs baby is now a high needs 5 year old.

She is lovely, kind, outgoing, funny and bright. She is emotional and has many outburst, she can be very tearful and hates change. Things still have to be very much her way, but we do push back in some situations.

She is just wonderful and I do think she will get an autism diagnosis at some point.

Has ADHD inattentive
Had colic, lactose intolerant, made noise day and night. Never slept.
Girl age 14

He's now an adult, but by two and a half he was incredibly easy and independent. He slept through the night for 11 hours, he was out of nappies, happy with the childminder, and I could take him anywhere.

My high needs DD was 12 yesterday!
She didn't sleep for more than 30 mins day or night until nearly 1 and what is classed as sleep through till 2!
Needed constant stimulation and attention.
She was the an early riser which has remained the same but when she did start sleeping she was great. Although for a time she used to come and climb in with me! It was on average 5am and it's only 6am now at 12!!
As a toddler I just needed to get her out the house and she always loved other children. I'd always offer to look after friends children as it actually made life easier!
She's a lovely happy girl who is interested in everything and will give anything a go.
A little intense at times and can talk for England.
She likes to be in control as well but I've always been quite clear on that the adults are in charge! But she's also very independent, great cook and keen to look after herself.
But yes, the early days felt brutal!

My high needs baby is now 10 and diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. He's very bright, funny, quirky and although hard work still, he makes me laugh so much!

He cried non stop as a baby and could never entertain himself, but was much better when he could walk and talk. So, hopefully better times will come soon!

4.5 years old and on the path to an autism diagnosis.
Didn't sleep though reliably until nearly 2, nearly finished us off! None of the online advice about sleep worked at all. We didn't notice teething, sleep regressions or anything, he just literally cried the same every night.
Second child complete opposite.