Your high needs baby- how are they now?

[NewMomma21]

Hi there,

I’ve posted before about my very high needs baby. He is now almost 8 months and while things have improved, he is still a lot of work. He is very bright and alert and needs almost constant interaction and stimulation. He will not do any real stints of playing solo, still refuses all tummy time so hasn’t started to crawl so requires a huge amount of 1:1 interaction to keep him entertained. He still cries a lot, mostly out of boredom or frustration. While he does sleep through the night, I am exhausted from the relentlessness of it all alongside looking after his sibling who is 2.5.

For anyone who has had a high needs baby, how are they now? Just looking for some light at the end of the tunnel after a very long week

My high needs baby is now a high needs 3 year old. She’s great fun but needs a lot of attention and has loads of energy. She doesn’t sleep through the night often.

Just about to graduate from university. Very sociable, very smart, very vocal.

She is a wonderful 16 year old.

She didn't sleep though the night until she was 3 years old, wasn't dry at night until around 7. She is a child who likes to be on the go all the time even now, she loves swimming (swims 6 times a week) is very active with scouts and has a job. And doing well at college. She's probably midely dyslexic, but has never been diagnosed, but is asking college for help as she didn't manage to finish some of her GCSE exams and has had the same problem with her A-level mocks. She is also dairy intolerant, which she most likely was as a baby as had terrible reflux until she started solid food. The problem showed up again when she started drinking a lot of milk as a protein drink to help with her traning for swimming.

She wasn't clingy as a child but has turned into a more clingy teenager and demands more hugs now then she ever did when younger. But she is a wonderful person. In comparison her non high needs younger brother was a very huggy young boy, but doesn't hardly come anywhere near me as a teenager.

My high needs baby is now a fairly easy 5 year old. Entertains herself for hours and is generally no bother at all. Doing well at school, happy to be left etc. This is a world away from the baby who would never be put down, only slept 2 hours max before waking up and cried, so much crying.

She stopped napping at 18 months and didn't sleep through the night till about 3. But now sleeps about 10 hours.

My ds was known as the baby who wouldn't stop crying. Vomited non stop for the first 3 months. Lots of time awake in the night as he'd thrown up all over himself his bedding, me etc. Didn't really eat any solids at all until 8 months. Pretty bloody grumpy most of the time. I was on my knees.

Now a completely delightful 17 yo with no additional needs at all. Not at all grumpy. Doing well at school. Lots of friends.

My high needs baby is now a 12 year old Autistic girl who is into goth / emo / Japanese Anime. She's also being assessed for ADHD.

Looking back, she was high needs literally from the second she was born (wouldn't be put down) and it's followed a total pattern ever since; separation anxiety as a toddler, anxiety in general, dislike of noise and busy spaces etc.

She is absolutely amazing, though and I while not change a thing about her for the world. I've learned so much about myself through her and we have a fabulous relationship and understanding of each other. We are best friends.

Mine is now 14 and honestly he’s an absolute ray of sunshine - always sees the best in any situation or person and is the happiest person I know. He is quirky still and if he’s not moving he’s making a noise (at home anyway, at school he’s great according to his teachers), has very intense interests and huge empathy. Incredibly intelligent in some ways, lacking in some common sense in others 😂

Didn’t sleep through until he was 12 but now is a typical teen and we often don’t see him until lunchtimes at weekends.

Still has some issues with food, he was tube fed until he was 3.5, and can be fussy but still in the realm of normal and can always find something he’ll eat if we go out.

The first few years were beyond exhausting but he’s so so worth it, he’s bloody awesome!

I had high needs twins. They took it in turns to sleep. I essentially didn’t sleep for years. They are 9 and very independent albeit opinionated for their age.

Yes can relate to all the high needs babies on this thread.
My son is 12 and I used to joke to his Dad that he was born frustrated and impatient!
He's still the same now but he's very funny, thoughtful and clever.
He never wanted to sleep always on the go. He didn't crawl he kind of dragged himself around. He cried often, nearly drove me insane.. as a pp said it was like he hated being a baby. Once he could walk and talk things got a little easier.
He then developed such a stubborn streak. If you asked him to do something he would refuse no matter what it was. Everything had to be on his terms. Toilet training was a nightmare.
He is currently being assessed for dyspraxia. I wouldn't call him hard work anymore as such but he's a boundary pusher and I have to bite my tongue daily. He's very head strong.
Overall though I wouldn't change anything about him 💜

Your description of your DS could have been written about my DS1 as a baby (apart from the fact that DS1 was a terrible sleeper into the bargain). He was an utterly miserable baby, a lovely but very easily upset toddler/preschooler, a fun and fairly unremarkable primary school child who sometimes struggled to roll with the punches. During his secondary school years he got properly comfortable in his own skin and now is so laid back he's practically horizontal. Very, very easy going and great company. It's strange but he literally bears no resemblance to himself as a young child, it's like he's a totally different person!

When he was a toddler it was very obvious that his health visitor, playschool teachers etc were anticipating a diagnosis of some sort due to his behaviour, but as far as I am aware he is NT.

Mine is now aged 20 and studying Chemistry at Imperial College, where he has just been diagnised with high functioning ASD. I suppose the first indication of him loving being highly stimulated was his complete joy when I changed his pram system so he was facing away rather than facing me... I definitely had to 'walk' him every day as a baby or he wouldn't sleep - he just seemed to need a lot of input to be happy.

Also - he is a delight, has many friends & is really happy :)

Mine is 18, she’s very academic but gets very anxious and likes things to be the way she wants them. Still a fussy eater. No trouble with sleeping. I thought she had ocd because she had intrusive horrible thoughts and her bedroom has to be immaculate but a therapist I took her to with exams stress and low mood says she has adhd and autism. ADHD being the anxiety over thinking side.
Shes super clever and picks things up quickly, amazing memory, competitive, but also moody and socially with extended family etc gets quiet and comes across like a moody teenager! Fine with friends but has had difficulties. Finds it absolutely impossible to make a decision or agree to things without agonising over them!

She was a terrible sleeper and very very clingy as a baby/toddler. Basically hated everyone 🤣

Interesting how many of these babies turned out to be neurodivergent.

My almost 7yo was extremely high needs from birth to about 18 months. I found the toddler years much, much easier.
Now she's older, the thing I struggle with is how highly explosive she is. So overall much easier but sometimes quite immature in her responses to things not going her way/not getting what she wants. She can still have a proper tantrum and really lose her temper. I've just started reading a book about highly sensitive children.
But in short it gets much easier when they can talk.

Mine is now 17. She is chilled, funny, sociable and very beautiful. Very hard worker. A perfect teenager.

Nightmare baby though.

Oh yes, but to add she still isn't dry at night (almost 7) and we're seeking medical support for that now.

Terrible reflux, never wanted to go to sleep or nap, required constant entertainment.

Diagnosed with ADHD aged 8.

Now aged 12 and the traits above are still there - bar the reflux (thankfully)!

Mine calmed down as soon as she started nursery. Think she needed extra stimulation. She's 7 now and overall fine, she does struggle in the summer holidays as she isn't stimulated enough but even at school is a pleasure to be round.

My high needs baby had a personality transplant at around 12 months and became the most chilled out kid. He is 15 now and is (I know I'm biased) the most delightful 15 yo I've ever known. In comparison, my easy peasy baby (2nd child) is still lovely but from a year old became far more opinionated and strong willed. She is 13 now and is the one we tiptoe around when she's in a bad mood.

Mine is nearly 10yo.

The toddler years brought some epic meltdowns and tantrums, and sleep remained very iffy. She would cling and cry when dropped off at nursery (this continued until yr2, now she goes off with the grudging acceptance of necessity). Potty training was a nightmare - she wasn't reliably dry until she was 7yo, despite refusing to wear nappies from 2yo 😩 She had/has precocious speech and never shut up. Between that and constantly needing to be in physical contact with my, it was quite draining but easier as at least she could communicate what was upsetting her.

These days, she is fiercely independent but also a homebody and still needs a lot of company. She is bright, sparky and full of grit with a love of learning. She's a deep thinker. Academically she dipped when she started school and she fell behind, but with the right structures put in around her over the last 18m she is now quickly getting back on track, working 'at' or 'above expected'. Sleep is still a problem area, but mostly solved with an awful lot of strenuous exercise. Socially she really struggles with her peers (but great with adults), as well as crowds and noise. Certain clothes also present sensory issues for her.
She has ASD (would have been Dx with Asperger's under the old criteria) and ADHD.

Mine is 4.5, still very intense and hard work, but very bright, misses nothing and full of empathy. Her teachers adore her. I’m starting to see how the attributes that made her high needs will stand to her as an adult.

Mine is now 11. Very mature for her age. Above average intelligence (according to school) . Still hates sleep and could potter around her room for hours at night. She is on her school council and is good at public speaking and does speech and drama and things like that rather than sports. No surprise to me as she was born looking like she wanted to talk.
Her sister is now 5 and is both so easygoing and yet a drama Queen. Older DD plays the Taylor swift song You need to calm down about DD2. She is the youngest of 3 and a surprise baby so probably a bit indulged to be honest. She is now a great sleeper and loves her bed and asks to go up to sleep. I have her in tons of activities now to burn up all her energy so she does ballet and gymnastics and singing/dancing classes. My easiest baby who was DS has asd but actually I suspect the girls are somewhere mildly on the spectrum

Oh yes! Mine is a DD, 16. Exactly this - born frustrated and impatient, in your words.
NT, always very headstrong. Things got easier once she was no longer a baby. Teen years are a roller-coaster (she knows best!) but don't compare to the shock that her first year was.