Will I get over it? (crying...)

[mybrokenhearthurts]

My heart aches for a third child and every time I see my two play I feel like something is missing. I have tried to convince myself for the past 6 months that for our family the right decision is to stick to 2 but on a daily basis I feel sad about that and it's affecting my day to day mood which although not obvious to my kids I'm sure they will still pick up on and feel.

We have enough money, space, car space and love to share. I can take mat leave for a year and work 4 days a week, I work from home and DH does 3 days a week. We both tag team between pickups and drop offs, share household chores and as much as he does as a dad I do however feel I take on more as the mother (mental load). I don't know if I can handle a bigger mental load, but again not sure if I am thinking this because of the mental load I'm carrying thinking about a third.

My second was also a difficult baby and is now a difficult toddler. I don't want any potential gap to keep getting bigger but I also worry if he is difficult (moreso than my first ever was) then would another child just turn my second into a difficult middle child?

I wish these thoughts would go away, I want to just love my two with all my heart, but I constantly think how lonely they will feel as they grow up, especially during school holidays when DH and I are limited by annual leave. We have no family around and the days of kids knocking on the door have gone, we live in quiet estate.

My DD was telling me how much she loved her little brother and that she loves that she now has someone to play with and that just tugged at my heart even more, wishing I could give them another sibling. I think I am scared of the unknown and worried what it will do to my marriage as we usually and understandably have a rocky period in the new born stage.

My husband is supportive and is happy to go with what I want (wish he felt strongly one way or another) but with that kind of support it usually means I always end up picking up the pieces when things go wrong.

These thoughts did not consume me with 1 and 2 so I don't know why they are now?

OP, I could have written this. I’m your age, have two (one of each), and would LOVE a third. We have space and could afford it, but obviously it would make everything in terms of resources and time more stretched. Head says it’s much more sensible to stick at two, but heart is yearning for three. Mine are younger than yours (3 and 1) so I do also worry that maybe I enjoy this phase and will find it really difficult when they are older, by which point it’s obviously too late to send any back…

My PMs are open any time you want to chat, it’s such a tough decision.

I'll be way too old by then!!

@mybrokenhearthurts

FlickDrink
Its hormones. They are so strong. It's why women have babies with men who are clearly awful and why they have babies when they are in a bad situation with things like health/finance or housing.
I consider myself very sensible and logical so I was shocked about how my brain was telling me I needed a baby.

How many do you have?

4 and they are very close in age. To be fair my hormones stopped being so vocal as soon as I had my fourth but I don't know if that's because I knew for certain I wasn't going to have anymore.

I had four because we were in a good position to do so.

The mental load of having teenagers can never be underestimated.

The primary years were a breeze. Secondary school happened along with friendship issues bullying and boyfriend issues.

You can kiss a 3 year old better and make their worries go away, but you can't do that with a teenager.

Yeah it does get easier when the go to reception.It just will feel difficult as you being pregnant/just had the baby having to juggle all of this ,but you have a supportive husband so it won't be that bad in that case...I love your age gap 9 and 3 it's perfect for me 😊

Say you will get pregnant..How you going to manage terrible twos, potty training.If you claim by 38 to have a baby is way too old 🤔

You've misunderstood. OP is saying she'll be too old to have another baby by the time her eldest is doing GCSEs. So 6-7 years to wait, when she'll be 42-43.

I don't quite understand what is stopping you from going for it.

Sorry i misunderstood again I meant I would wait until the eldest finishes primary school 🙈🙈🙈 @mybrokenhearthurts

Here's me thinking GCSE'S are set when children are about the finish primary school 😂🤣@mybrokenhearthurts

We are both the middle of three and totally different from our families and more or less alienated from them . DS summed it up when he had three - two is not enough and three is too many. there is no guarantee that children will get along and be friends at any age. I don’t understand why 2 should be lonely without another sibling. I think there comes a point where you decide that the baby stage is over and you get on with your life and enjoy the children you have. I would have liked 4 but we knew we could only afford 2 (barely) so I just go on with it. Either you want a third or you don’t. But are you sure that will be enough?