Will I get over it? (crying...)

[mybrokenhearthurts]

My heart aches for a third child and every time I see my two play I feel like something is missing. I have tried to convince myself for the past 6 months that for our family the right decision is to stick to 2 but on a daily basis I feel sad about that and it's affecting my day to day mood which although not obvious to my kids I'm sure they will still pick up on and feel.

We have enough money, space, car space and love to share. I can take mat leave for a year and work 4 days a week, I work from home and DH does 3 days a week. We both tag team between pickups and drop offs, share household chores and as much as he does as a dad I do however feel I take on more as the mother (mental load). I don't know if I can handle a bigger mental load, but again not sure if I am thinking this because of the mental load I'm carrying thinking about a third.

My second was also a difficult baby and is now a difficult toddler. I don't want any potential gap to keep getting bigger but I also worry if he is difficult (moreso than my first ever was) then would another child just turn my second into a difficult middle child?

I wish these thoughts would go away, I want to just love my two with all my heart, but I constantly think how lonely they will feel as they grow up, especially during school holidays when DH and I are limited by annual leave. We have no family around and the days of kids knocking on the door have gone, we live in quiet estate.

My DD was telling me how much she loved her little brother and that she loves that she now has someone to play with and that just tugged at my heart even more, wishing I could give them another sibling. I think I am scared of the unknown and worried what it will do to my marriage as we usually and understandably have a rocky period in the new born stage.

My husband is supportive and is happy to go with what I want (wish he felt strongly one way or another) but with that kind of support it usually means I always end up picking up the pieces when things go wrong.

These thoughts did not consume me with 1 and 2 so I don't know why they are now?

Do you have once of each, girl and boy? Feel like the decision is harder when you have once of each already.

I'm the eldest of 3 and loved it! We're all mid-late 30's now and are still close. I have 2 of my own, very close in age. If I'd been younger I may have considered a 3rd, but I started my family later so am done at 2. I don't have the energy for another now x

I'm also the eldest of three and loved it. Enough so that we also went for three. If you have the resources to have three, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about, get on with it. (Caveat, I'm a terrible enabler).

I got like this when I got to my late 30s. Pined for a 3rd and often tried to convince my husband...he's had the snip so it would have taken a lot of convincing to get that reversed!

The feeling has faded now. At the time I knew it wasn't practical. Our house is big enough for 2 kids but would be a squeeze with 3 kids. Having to do the baby years again! Dont think I could cope with that. Already now I crave adult time! The difficulty of holidays, birthdays and the extra cost with a 3rd to think of.

I am glad we didn't as it means we have more money to afford more for the kids we have. Also, uni costs is something we need to start thinking about as it seems now parents are expected to support their kids at uni. Luckily we have a 5 year gap between our kids so the financial burden won't be for two kids at uni at once!

What's to say that you wouldn't feel this way again after DC3?

I wouldn't and we're in a similar boat re:space, money, etc

Have a read of the GCSE thread and decide if you want to ho through that kind of stress three times. And A levels, then university financial support.

How old are your two now if you don't mind me asking?

My eldest (boy) is 10 nearly 11. My youngest(girl) is 6.

I am 41 nearly 42. I haven't thought seriously about a third for a few years now. Occasionally I think it would be nice, but I'm not dwelling on it. Having a great time with my kids now that they are older. Great holidays, days out, they get to attend clubs etc. If we some how managed to have that 3rd, I think holidays would be off the table for quite a while and we wouldn't be able to afford the level of clubs we do now. Plus the thought of saving for 3 childrens uni/future would be very stressful!

I would wait another year because lil one only turned 3 in reception it gets a bit better...How are you finding it so far ?

The education boards do tend to extol a particularly neurotic vibe around parenting teens. I wouldn't say it's representative. Although the uni support fees are such that they should make you think tactically about spacing the kids out a bit. But you seem to have that already, op.

@mybrokenhearthurts Sorry I didn't read properly,I would wait until eldest finishes GCSE's if your mind is still set on having a 3rd,you never know could have multiples 😊

"Do you have once of each, girl and boy? Feel like the decision is harder when you have once of each already."

No I have 2 girls, wasn't really an issue for us. We wouldn't have tried for a 3rd just to have a boy

You're right @MagnetCarHair. I don't think I was as stressed as most of the parents as DD did apply herself, but I still felt her stress. The panic attacks she had when doing her 2nd year exams at university and her finals, resulting in multiple phone calls weren't fun though.

I have the uni days ahead of me so I might be dangerously close to an updated 2025 version of pregnant me going, 'How hard can it be, the books says they sleep for sixteen hours a day?' And so, I will keep my optimistic thoughts to myself from herein 😁

I work 4 days a week from home mainly but in a very flexible job which helps massively.
I am 38 and they are 7, 5 and almost 3.

2 boys and a girl. I kind of agree with your post that it’s harder if you have one of each in a way, as I guess we added a girl which is a whole new dynamic in the family which wasn’t there before and I now feel so unbelievably lucky I get to parent boys and girls. However any child will be a whole new dynamic!

I won’t lie, I sometimes long for the simplicity of how simple life with 2 seems to other people, and carry a lot of guilt about splitting my time more but right now the benefit they seem to get from each other is so so worth it. My 7 ds and 3 year old did are so close, and adore each other - a whole dynamic I never expected! I assumed he’d be fed up with a baby!
what I really love is the diff dynamics when you have just 2 of them. The oldest and the youngest are so sweet. The two older boys play flight and love wrestling and playing complex super hero games.
Then my 3 year old dd brings out such a soft side of my 5 year old (which I don’t see as much when he’s just with his older brother) and the two youngest will play babies for hours!

i am nervous about 3 at school though and the extra admin of holidays, play dates, clubs etc. We still use nursery which is simple.

my only other things are I am VERY over paying nursery fees now - it’s been a looooong 7 years!!!! And also I’ve essentially had a toddler in some form for 6 years, and I am also very much looking forward to being done with that stage for good!!

Was in your position OP, boy and girl and desperately wanted a third. Finally went for it and we have our 10 month old now :) I won’t lie, it’s been a juggle, my brain is fried and I am exhausted but I am really happy with my little gang. I only had one sibling and always wanted another. However, life does seem a lot simpler with 2 and easier to have one on one time and also nights away etc and holidays. But I don’t think you’d regret it, assuming financially etc you could make it work.

Sorry but will you be able to give each child their own room and top support for what they need plus what they want? What sort of education is available to them? Will they be better off than you as adults? You can obviously provide better for 2 than 3.

Yes we have a large home with a spare bed. We are financially secure with investments we will leave behind so not worried about finances at all. Just more the mental pressure and the time I can give them each.

To be honest with work it is hard, the 3-7.30pm, dinner, bath, after school activity be it spelling, reading, home work etc, get things ready for the next day while being stopped every moment by my 3 year old has been tough but eldest is super easy although loves having a chat too. My thinking however is by the time another baby comes along the 3 year old will be 4 and more manageable? So I only will really have another baby? Wishful thinking or not?

When the teenage years hit you might feel quite differently. I remember wanting one more , really really wanting… However Mother Nature decided that was not to be. Now we are in the thick of GCSEs, hormones, teen angst, smelly bedroom, laundry wars etc… I’m honestly exhausted!! I mean properly mentally drained. No way could I go through it again, turns out Mother Nature must have had a crystal ball!

We have 3, I bloody love it. Like you fortunate enough to each have their own room, financially secure and good support network. We both work full time in busy demanding roles and it’s a constant juggle but we both thrive on that! I briefly think of a 4th but DH is done so decision made.
The only downsides are holidays are tricky and you are limited in the accommodation that is suitable for 5 and days out are set up for families of 4, but that wasn’t reason enough for me not to have another child!

I'm the younger of two here and never felt lonely having just the one sibling. On the contrary, it felt very balanced and we got on well.

We are all in our 30s now, not close but we get on, we all live in different countries so don’t see each other much. I remember being pretty happy with there being 2 of us, but I was 8 when our third sibling was born so maybe because I was a bit older the age gap made it harder. Obviously I love both my siblings now, but back then I genuinely didn’t give a shit about the youngest. I really resented all the time and attention the youngest took away I think. Everything had to revolve around the baby/toddler and as an 8yo that was hard.

Sorry for the negativity but I just wanted to balance all the ‘we had a third, best thing ever’ replies you’ll get.

I say go for it. Hubby is on board and seems like u can afford to so why not. What's holding u back? Go get your baby

I sometimes see a lady at toddler group who had 2 and wanted a third but that third was twins so now she has 4 children! It really is a roll of the dice each time you never know what you're going to get.