Birthday cake etiquette

[GreyhoundGurl]

Hi! We've been to several parties in the last year but I can't really think what's best to do about the cake. So soft play party in a local pub on a Sunday morning (his actual birthday), followed by family joining us for a carvery at the same place after. So obviously cake and candles for his friends to sing to him. Then...divide cake up for eating there and then? Or taking a piece home? Or do something different for them to take home (e.g. a biscuit with the same theme). Then...reuse the cake for family? Or just have a different family cake?!

I realise I'm totally overthinking a very small issue, and I'm very grateful we are able to give him a party. He will be 5; this will be his first party; we aren't doing party bags (I hate plastic rubbish!), but have disney books to give. I am determined to make him a homemade cake every year but this could be the family cake, and then I could buy a different one for friends. Sooo... any tips (other than just stop being a worry wart!!). Thanks!!

I thought it wasn’t the done thing anymore, to feed cake to kids where one has blown all over the cake, so you provide cup cakes in the same colour?

Buy a supermarket cake for friends (lots do ones marked nut free if that’s a concern for any of his friends) and save the nice homemade cake for family.

Are you feeding the friends at the party? If so I’d say soft play, sing, then cut the cake while the kids eat, then they get cake in a napkin when it’s time to go.

I’d say cake or cupcake goes home with them. Cupcakes if you want to reuse the cake again.

presumably these are kids that spend a lot of time together in close proximity, what exactly would the concern be?

In your situation I'd cut up the cake and send home with the kids, then have the separate homemade cake for family afterwards.

I thought it wasn’t the done thing anymore, to feed cake to kids where one has blown all over the cake, so you provide cup cakes in the same colour?

every party I have been to there has been a cake even adult birthday parties!

@GreyhoundGurl We cut the cake up and give to friends to take home. I think I'd do that especially if you're not doing party bags as it's something extra to take home plus the kids tend to eat junk at the party

In terms of whether same came or separate - last year we got a big Costco cake so cut up about half of it at the party and took the rest home. Costco cakes are nice, really big and cheap. This year I might just get a smaller supermarket cake or cupcakes. It's really up to you!

Every party we've been to, they eat the cake then and there, signalling the end of the party. Then get given party bags to leave.

It's possible to do party bags with minimal plastic. Kids love party bags and might not be able to hide their disappointment and you might end up being offended. But also, I can't see how you avoid plastic with a 5yo! I gave up on that fight when my eldest turned 1.

I appreciate it's probably a critical-mass thing though: if everyone in your community does things a certain way (eg party bags) the kids will come to expect it. It might be different where you are

We used to have a cheaper big supermarket cake to blow out at the party. Cut it up and put in bag to take home.

Then a smaller cake for family later on.

...I mean, the kids all take a piece home.

I really enjoy putting party bags together (I also don't do plastic tat) as I love gifting but I think it's fine if OP wants to give a book and piece of cake as well.

@Mumoftwo1312 I don't know if OP means she avoids plastic and plastic toys generally but I know what she means about plastic party bag rubbish as some toys that come in party bags are awful, do not last long, or get thrown away. I avoid those things and it's still nice to do a nice party bag but I hate plastic tat. It's unnecessary.

We used to do 3 cakes ,1 for actual birthday (baked by me) 1 for nursery and on for party

In your shoes I would have one cake, use it to sing happy birthday twice. Have slices of shop bought cake already in the party bags (homemade is wasted on small children, plus it takes ages to cut cake and wrap up). Eat the nice cake later with family. M&S do nice iced loaf cakes which slice well for this

As I said, it's possible to do a party bag with minimal plastic. Just a quick Google search has tons of ideas

2 cakes.
One supermarket cake for kids at party.
if you want to make your own, let that be the family one.

Done. Simple.

I agree @Mumoftwo1312 I've done it myself

Yes there will be a buffet as part of it, so this sounds like a good plan! Thanks!

Party bag wise: we've been to at least 2 parties (same class) where it has just been a book (one with cake in a napkin as well), and other parties where it has been one of those sweetie cones. So a book plus a piece of cake or cupcake/iced biscuit in the same theme would not be surprising to any of them. Yes we have lots of plastic toys at home, but these tend to be bigger items, not the 'fiddly, tiny, get lost at the bottom of the toy box' stuff!! You're completely right though - if the other ones we'd been to all have party bags then of course I'd go with that!

If you aren't doing party bags then I'd suggest serving it at the party. Yesterday ar the end of a party dd was given a wrapped book and peice of cake in a napkin and while it was lovely of the host to provide it, it made the walk back to the car a bit of a juggling act especially for those dc who needed more encouragement as they were reluctant to leave. Or the mum with twins

I would (and have, many time, several children) make one fabulous cake. Use it for candles/singing at the soft play party then take it off the table and hand out cupcakes in a similar theme either straight after the candle blowing or with the party bag/book.

Then use the cake again for the family bit and eat the cake with family. Do singing/candles again with the family.

Genuinely never heard/seen this and have been to a LOT of parties over the last few years.

OP you are definitely overthinking - all of your options are fine! Some people cut the cake to take home, some serve it at the end of the party meal (although with this option a lot seems to get wasted) and some don't cut it all and give totally different cake in a party bag. It's all good.

Agree with pp though that it if you do cut the cake to take home, its a bit of pain to transport if it's in a napkin and not in a bag!

You absolutely CANNOT let a load of five year old children see a cake, sing happy birthday and then send them home with a biscuit. Seriously?!?

Buy a supermarket cake for the friends, save your homemade for the family.

After a couple of hours in a soft play, cake that has been breathed on by another human should be the least of your worries.

I'd go for a Colin for the party then cut up and sent home with the guests, home made for family

Oh no! Sorry the iced biscuit would be if they were having the cake there - as I'm only doing a book and not a full on party bag! I wouldn't do that!