Baby groups.

[Alisha0601]

Can people tell me a little about their experiences with mother and baby groups please? A little background, I have a loving partner and supportive family, but recently fell out with my bestfriend of ALOT of years and there is no going back. My little man is 3 months old and I feel like he doesn't get to see any actual babies, the closest is his 6 year old brother on Sundays, ( his dad's son, not mine). I'm also quite lonely and feel sad that i don't have anyone to share experiences with, woman to woman. Mother to mother. The stories I've heard on mother and baby groups put me off going though and I know I should go and make my own decision but I have anxiety about it.

The baby doesn't need other babies but you need other adults most likely
You don't have to share everything with everyone st a baby group
Don't be put off
Turn up
Ask questions
How old is your baby?
How are you finding it?
What have your top tips been?

I have a 3yo now and I would describe baby groups as a life saver

I was so lonely before I started taking DD at 7mo, you should definitely do it OP

I'm really sorry about what's happened with your friend, I know how painful that kind of thing can be

I enjoy them and so do the babies. Just a nice little activity to break the day up. We do baby sensory and some mixed age classes I do with her older brother.

Sorry you're feeling lonely & like you're missing out on sharing some of the new Mum bits. My LG is 8mo and we've been to a number of different groups. Some have been fine enough, but not all that sociable (very much in, start class, done & out). However most have been great, with the opportunity for a chat & getting to know other parents/carers. At our more local ones in particular I've made a group of friends with babies all similar ages so they'll go to nursery/school together which I love. We also now have a group chat where we ask for advice, share laughs & wee updates etc. It's been a lovely part of the last few months having them all.

My advice would be to try out different groups & see how you get on. Just focus on going & doing whatever the activity is for LO, and try to see anything else as a bonus. Then you're not putting loads of pressure on yourself to get chatting etc.

A second for baby groups being a life saver of my sanity. My baby couldn’t have cared less about it. And I probably had the same/similar conversation with different people multiple times but it was better than walking around my empty house talking to myself.

i did baby sensory and went for coffee with one mum after a few times. We both worked in similar lines and enjoyed some similar hobbies so it was nice to chat about things other than baby but with someone who didn’t get fed up when you stopped mid sentence to deal with a fussy baby/nappy/whipped a boob out.

I also went to a breast feeding group in the most lovely cafe every week for my lunch. I really looked forward to having a nice lunch made and cleared away for me, hot coffee brought to me, talk to other mums and get advice for breast feeding in the early days and share my knowledge or experience in the latter.

the third I went to (which I never in a million years thought I’d go to/enjoy) was a church play group - £1 for 2 hours unlimited toast (we’re talking post giving birth levels of toastie goodness) and tea. Ran by the sweetest old ladies. Again somewhere to go!

ive since bumped into one of the “boobie group” mums in work and we catch up regularly which is nice.

the groups gave some structure to my week I found and something to do that wasn’t just walking the pram/watching tv (which I did all day every day with my first, thank you lockdown 2020).

id go and try a few different ones, see what’s for you! Libraries often have rhyme and read sessions or something too

Yeah I guess that is what I'm getting at. I don't live with my partner yet. He is living at his mum and dad's and saving for a house. ( we're just starting to look at them) and he works nights, I live I'm a bedsit so he can't stay with me during the week. (My choice) as I don't want to be trying to stay quite with a baby whilst he sleeps.
My little man is 3 months, I'm finding it both beautiful, and life changing in the best way but also difficult in many other ways.
I think the best tip I had was if he's fussy put him in the bath 🤣 he loves it. How many children do you have and how old if that's okay to ask. I definitely want to try the baby groups but can be socially awkward so it's daunting.

I've had good and bad experiences. If you have a few in your town, try them all.
There's a high chance you'll meet a couple potential friends.
Good luck!

Not sure why but I'm emotional at the responses, guess I just haven't really had anyone to ask about it all. Is there a way I can reply individually

Yeah I guess that is what I'm getting at. I don't live with my partner yet. He is living at his mum and dad's and saving for a house. ( we're just starting to look at them) and he works nights, I live I'm a bedsit so he can't stay with me during the week. (My choice) as I don't want to be trying to stay quite with a baby whilst he sleeps.
My little man is 3 months, I'm finding it both beautiful, and life changing in the best way but also difficult in many other ways.
I think the best tip I had was if he's fussy put him in the bath 🤣 he loves it. How many children do you have and how old if that's okay to ask. I definitely want to try the baby groups but can be socially awkward so it's daunting.

This was such a nice message to read. I'm sorry yoi went through loneliness as well. I'm not sure why but I feel embarrassed saying it. This is why I want to try and go. The friendship break up is so difficult and one that's taking some time to fully process. I'm sorry you've been there as well but it's so good to hear you've come out the other side now

I also have a three month old. It’s hard! Make sure you’re giving yourself a break. I can’t imagine doing it without my partner living with me.

Whereabouts are you?
My health visitor referred me for a new free NHS class which is a weekly baby massage/chatting class. If you’re getting your baby weighed, you can ask the health visitors while you’re there if there’s anything local, they usually have a list.

Mum and Baby circles are also usually a really supportive space. Try to find something specifically designed for young babies such as baby massage, rather than just going to a playgroup or baby sensory as there will be more opportunity to chat with other mums.

feel like the group of friends with a group chat sounds like a dream lol. I'd love that and hope I get to experience it one day in the future. My little boy is 3 months old, can't imagine when gets to 8 months old,😭 what new things is she learning at the minute? My son is OBSESSED with hands 🤣 and trying his best to roll but not quite there. I love that you're getting to know who she will be at nursery with as well. Appreciate the advice of making it about him so there's less pressure as well. Thank-you.

This was really helpful so thank-you. I completely understand what you're saying about structure. It's something I feel is lacking to. I did just recently restart my studies online and part time but that's for me personally and only when he's asleep. I struggle with going out alone and know I need to work on it as a mum to be the best I can for my son, and that's it I struggle with the motivation to go out when I know we will just be aimlessly walking. After having the responses I've had I'm alot more open to trying some. All I've heard until I did this thread was negativity surrounding them really and I got inside my own head to much about it I think.

I loved baby groups!
Baby massage and stay and plays for under 1s are free at local children's centres I really recommend them!

There are also lots of baby sensory and music classes you can pay for.

I really recommend mum and baby yoga or buggy fit for you too.

Definitely get out and about trying different classes until you find ones you like. These kept me sane during my maternity leave which otherwise would have been lonely as I didn't have a partner.

I appreciate the honestly ans there fact you have experienced both sides. I really just needed to hear some different perspectives. Sorry the second time around was like that. That's what worries me.

There are lots of different groups to try so just keep going to different ones till you make friends.

Churches do good play sessions too but probably not worth going until baby is bigger

It's definitely difficult, I can't wait to finally live in the same house. Do you have a little boy or little girl? I haven't seen my health since he was 8 weeks old, said he was going good and signed me off. I'm from Coventry, I wonder if I could ask the GP social prescriber about those groups? Baby massage sounds good, question though, what happens if I get there and he is asleep? Sorry for silly question, like do we just in thr corner until he wakes up?

Local playgroups/church hall toddler groups are a million times better than things like baby sensory etc.

They have been a lifesaver. Still friends with all the mums now. Go for it OP. Hope you're feeling better after you take that first step.

Buggy fit sounds good to me and not one ove heard off, I feel like actively doing something takes the pressure of just having to make conversation to the full time to begin with. Alot of people are mention thr baby massage so I think that's something I might try. That must have been difficult being alone also.

Such a shame I'm reading this now as there is a brilliant, occasional group at Coventry Cathedral, but it was today!
It is called Baby Chill and they say
"Let your little ones be mesmerized by the shapes and colours of the Cathedral.
Baby chill is a chance to hang out with fellow parents and enjoy some Cathedral Zen. There's always tea and biscuits (with oat milk of course).
Primarily the sessions are for new-borns, up to 18 months but we know childcare can be a faff so if you do have a toddler that needs to come along just let us know and we can be prepared to entertain."

Do keep an eye on the cathedral website for the next one. It is a such a friendly, chilled atmosphere.

I want to give you a hug 🤗 . I don't make friends easily but I liked baby massage ( health visitors ran it do it was free!) Because your focusing on doing the massage but end up talking to who ever is next to you cause someone's baby will fart, cry, puke, poo or make funny noise and the the other mums like 'oh mine does that too '. I liked the free health visitor groups better than singing groups I have gone to.
I do baby swimming and enjoying chatting to other mums at that too

There is an old saying "a stranger is a friend you haven't yet met". Even if just tea and cake with others in the same boat can help mentally.Give it a go and have fun.

I have a little boy. I love that now he’s a bit older, he’s doing more- smiling, trying to roll, etc but exhausting too!

Absolutely ask at the GP- I’m positive they’ll have some suggestions/referrals.

My experience of baby massage has been all in circle on yoga mats. If baby’s asleep, you can still sit in the circle and just hold him, or leave him in the pram/car seat. Mine has been asleep when we’ve got there before and we’ve just joined in when he’s woken up. Once or twice though, he’s slept through the whole thing! Because it’s a nice quiet environment though (as opposed to the nursery rhymes, songs and musical instruments of baby sensory and other classes!) its been really focused on just mums chatting. One of them has gone round in the circle and asked everyone to talk about their challenges and little wins from that week which is a good prompt, but there’s never any pressure.

I also found the church groups to be the best, usually cheaper and more focused on socialising than a specific activity.

I've been so lucky with one particular group I started 2 years ago with dc2 and have continued with dc3. I've met people who I would consider my closest friends, I've even started volunteering with the group now. (Not doable when babies are tiny but now mine is happy to play unaided a bit I can help with set up/clear down) breast feeding group was brilliant for me, as was a post natal mental health group that's in my area.

Your health visitor if you still see one should have some knowledge of groups in your area. Otherwise is there a Facebook group for parents in your local area? We have one round here and it's so helpful for finding out about groups and events , selling/buying second hand baby items or just asking questions.

Hope you find something OP, I remember how isolating those early days can be, groups and classes definitely help get some structure into those early days and give you something to get out and about for. Human connection can make such a difference.