Would you let 13 year old fly UK to Japan unaccompanied?

[EmmaAnne68]

My DSS 12 wants to fly to Japan to see his Aunt. His mum has said this is okay, as long as he raises the money for the trip. (He’ll have just turned 13 at the time of the trip).

At age 13 we think he’s way too young to fly alone to Japan (he’s never even taken the bus by himself. . . )

The flights can be anywhere from 14 to 24 hours, and can have a couple of stops along the way. Plus he doesn’t speak the language.

Are we being unreasonable? One of my biggest worries is he’ll hate the flight to Japan, and not want to come home alone. Flights are at least £1200, so we couldn’t afford to fly over to bring him home if needed.

There’s plenty of boarding school kids who fly Heathrow to destinations like Tokyo and Hong Kong. They all had a first time doing the flight too.

If it’s too expensive then that’s good excuse to say not until he reaches age 16 or whatever you deem reasonable. I would buy a direct ticket for a first time flyer tbh

I would work on increasing his independence so he can eg get a bus by himself.

Depends on the child, doesn't it. I am very confident that my own dc would have been fine at that age. She was very competent and confident, was used to travelling and knew how to navigate an airport etc. For other kids, it might have been too much.

I flew to Hong Kong as an unaccompanied minor at 13. Was quite scary but fine.

Not sure I'd be happy to let my own child do it though!

I think some of the answers will be influenced by people's own feelings about flying. If you are not a confident flyer yourself, and your dc hasn't flown much previously, I can totally see why this might seem crazy. But lots of kids would take it in their stride.

My dc have used the unaccompanied minor service on an airline. They are very strict and insist on lots of safeguarding protocols. The child is personally escorted to the gate and handed over to a gate agent, who hands the child over to one of the flight crew. They seat them in specific seats by the crew areas and check on them regularly. They then have a close custody chain when delivering them to a specific named person at the other end.

So its safe, probably, but is it a good idea in DSS case…that depends on the child, the reliability of the adult at the other end and the likelihood of it all going wrong anyway for lack of money/people disagreeing as there are many families involved

BA won’t look after a 13yr old as an unaccompanied minor. The lower age to travel alone is 14.
Japan airlines do however and will look after your dss at all stop overs in a special lounge provided. Dss parents will need to arrange for this special service through the airline. I think they won’t allow it for the last flight of the day, so don’t book the tickets in advance of arranging the service, just in case.

As others have said, a direct flight will give you and your dss more peace of mind.

I wouldn’t have a problem with my kids travelling at that age, they did a lot with school, but I’d certainly want to insist on a direct flight.

Yes sure, they are well looked after and airports are very sterile environments, he’ll just be shuffled though. I did it all the time as a kid.

I don’t think BA do the unaccompanied minor service anymore though, so it would have to be another airline (unless you want to spring for a Universal Aunt, which you obviously don’t.)

The money aside, yes if he could fly direct as an unaccompanied minor. I know BA don’t do it anymore and I would be hesitant to book a connecting flight knowing that increases the chances of anything going wrong. We’ve had nieces/nephews fly transatlantic to see us from12+ and other than enjoying the novelty of unlimited fizzy drinks and staying up watching movies rather than sleeping on a night flight it’s always been fine!

It’s an unaccompanied minors service, they are never alone and they can’t get lost. I did it all the time from 8 or 9. It is fine.

I was nearly put on the wrong plane using the UM service as a child. And another time the airline lost us all.... safeguarding is better now though. (And back in my Mothers day... the plane got cancelled due to weather so the air hostesses took them home for the night!)

In a way the plane is easier than a bus or train, especially if direct. You can't get off in the wrong place. If no escort however... it would be the departure airport that worries me. Especially if not used to flying.

They’ve already set up a GoFund page to raise the money, and agreed the trip with the aunt.

But who are they expecting will donate to a Go Fund Me page so that a 13yo boy can go on holiday? Has your dss overcome significant adversity or something that might make people more sympathetic?

I’ve no idea who they think is going to donate! Family members possibly? He needs to raise at least £1,200 which seems unlikely. . . But we don’t want to say yes and then somehow he does raise the funds!

For a confident child who was used to independent travel, possibly. But not one who has never taken a bus alone.

DS flew to Dubai as an unaccompanied minor. The service was amazing. They collected him after I checked him in and messaged me when he'd boarded, disembarked and was collected. Same on the way back. Texts to say he was at the airport, had boarded the plane and and had arrived.

I was worried as DS has ASD but the staff were brilliant and it improved his confidence no end.

Unless you’ve left out something very significant then no one’s going to donate to that and it’ll never happen so I really wouldn’t waste any more head space on thinking about the logistics!

Setting up a gofundme is a bit toe-curling, but each to their own. It is vanishingly unlikely that people will DONATE money for a slightly overambitious young teenager (unless there is something you have left out) to go on a holiday that would daunt many adults.

My children are reasonably worldly, and I would certainly let a 15 year old do it, and maybe a responsible 14 year old. It's a moot point though - he's not going to get the money and it's not likely to happen.

We've promised my 13 year old a trip to Japan after her GCSE's. Something concrete and just about soon enough for it not to seem like we're fobbing her off. She will do a residential course there for a month, we think.

@EmmaAnne68 they've set up a go fund page to pay for a child's holiday?! Now that's pretty entitled...

Unless the child has a lot of rich relatives who will be happy to facilitate this trip for him, it seems highly unlikely that he'll raise the money, so I wouldn't worry about it personally.

On the off-chance that he did manage to get the money, what's your main concern exactly? Is it that he is a very inexperienced traveller? Is he quite immature for his age? Does he have a tendency to get anxious in unfamiliar situations? If you want to object to the plan, I think you need to think through exactly why you think he wouldn't cope with it, rather than having a knee-jerk "he's too young" approach, because actual reasons will give you a better starting point for a sensible discussion.

If he is a normal developing 13 year old then this should be fine. If it isn't, because for example he's never been on a bus by himself (!), I'd think about why that is and what steps can be taken to get him to that point as soon as possible, maybe by the time he's 14?

Actually, if the circumstances were right, I would. But there would have to be very strict circumstances.

I'd need him to be flying out from Heathrow (and you can definitely go direct) so to be accompanied by a family member right up to the check-in desk at Heathrow. And then accompanied by staff through security (chaos) and up to the gate. That terminal is hectic: bright lights, thousands of people, so many gates. I'd never leave a 13-year-old to do that alone. I don't even like doing it alone!

The flight would be absolutely fine. It's long but it's well catered and there's endless entertainment.

At the other end, I'm assuming Haneda, it's actually quite quiet at times, but of course he'd need to be accompanied through passport control and then met by his aunt. Bingo! Job done. Everything is also signposted in English and it's nothing like busy Heathrow.

It is a fantastic place to have the chance to visit. But as you say, he's unlikely to raise the money, so...

Since the mum is organising it the onus is on her and his aunt to sort it out if he doesn't like it out there. Surely?

I would think it’s too young. My son will be 13 next summer and I can’t imagine him being ready to do this. He will start taking buses at 12 to the nearest small city with friends but it’s quite a jump to fly long haul with potential stops by himself. He’s very sensible too but very shy and I think would be quite stressed by this despite travelling on planes a few times. Unless your stepson is very confident, sensible and well travelled then I wouldn’t be keen at all.

Me personally, would I allow mine? I'm not sure. I think it would have a lot more to do with my own anxieties about flying than about if it would be safe for her to fly unaccompanied. But I flew lots alone as a teenager (maybe from around 14?) and I was fine. Certainly in my school (boarding school), it was very normal for students to fly there and back alone from very young.

Everyone on the plane will speak English and an airport is a very contained space. Presumably he will be met at the other end by his aunt and be in her care the whole time he's there until he gets back to the airport.

I think it sounds like an adventure, so I'd be inclined to be supportive, but obviously it all depends on the child and the details.