When they refuse to hold your hand

[thiskeepshappening]

I know everyone will push reins but in a situation where reins are really impractical or actually more dangerous (and child is a bit old for them anyway) what the hell do you do? So hard to hold on to a squirming child.

I carry them under one arm like a yoga mat. They don't like it and accept the other option.

Do you still use a buggy? DS always hated holding my hand. I said ok, you don't have to hold my hand (except crossing roads), but if you run off then you have to go in the buggy. That worked as he usually preferred to walk.

Yep, yoga mat.

Trying to think of a time recently where I’ve really HAD to hold my 2 year old’s hand though. Does it come up a lot? She’s obsessed with walking so I either force her into pushchair, which she gets over within 30 secs. Or if we have all the time in the world I let her walk everywhere. Crossing roads I will hold onto her hood, next option carry on my hip, next option carry her on my shoulders, next option yoga mat! Doesn’t happen often.

Fireman's lift.

• reins (your points noted)
• VERY form hand grip
• pushchair

(From around 7 or 8 he reverted to wanting to hold my hand!)

We don’t use a buggy but I couldn’t have used one in this situation anyway. Finding parenting hard today and only 10am.

I would say hold hands or buggy/reins. Once they learn that you mean it by putting them in the buggy each time they try and run off, it works well.

Hold round the wrist. It is much harder for them to get away than when holding hands .

I also grabbed straps on dungarees or coat hoods.

I was a firm believer in reins.

How old are they?

I don’t know if this is impractical for the current situation.
But have you tried wrist reins instead of the across the back reins?

I can’t think of a scenario where reins would be impractical. Even if they’re at the upper age limit, they don’t walk nicely they go on the reins. Normally the threat was enough to keep them by my side.

Just before a swimming lesson, poolside. Where you really can’t use a buggy or reins. To be honest I’m not sure about reins for this age group (3 and a half) as they seem to be very much for ‘absent minded toddling may wander into the road’ rather than ‘drag defiant child along’.

How old is the child?

I don't force the issue with my 4 year old - I insist he stays close to me, close enough that I can grab him but I don't make him hold hands.

For me, the key point under a certain age is are they close enough to you that you are in control and are you fully aware of what they are doing.

And it's context dependent - a path through a park is different to a pavement by a dual carriageway.

I don't think it's necessarily always about hand holding

Thanks @spriots , he’s 3 and a half. I didn’t deal with it well and I’ll probably take your approach next time.

Don't behave, go home. Stick to it.

I found with a slightly older child the that if the reins was almost always enough.

That only works if they are somewhere they want to be.

You really can’t have a child with reins on at the side of the pool.

Wrist strap?

Was he misbehaving at the poolside?

The approach I would take at the pool would be something like:

If you stay close to mummy and don't run or get too close to the pool (I would probably point out a line or something for him to stay behind), you don't have to hold hands.

But if he didn't obey those roles, I would hold him firmly

See this is a situation where wrist straps would be more dangerous as he would go mad squirm / twist and they have a lot of flexibility so be more likely to slip / fall in.

I don’t like wrist straps anyway TBH but reins and wrist straps definitely aren’t for poolside 👍🏻

I think @spriots approach is probably best. Like she says it’s about how in control you are.

He was @spriots but it was because it turned into a battle of wills on hang holding and I did not deal with it well.

You really can’t have a child with reins on at the side of the pool.

Why not?

@KnickerlessParsons I don’t want to sound sarcastic or anything but have you ever seen this, ever?

It’s dangerous for one thing because it’s slippy. And you would have to get the reins off before you got in the water which means there’s a brief time when you’re not holding onto your child at all. Then they either stay by the pool (trip hazard) or you put them away when again your child is unattended. Really not practical or remotely safe. Most reins have a fairly long ‘lead’ anyway. My biggest hesitation with reins in any setting is that to be honest. A rein is no good if they can still get into water or a road. They are most useful in very busy places when it might be easy to lose a toddler IMO.

In the pool situation, I would walk next to the water and have the child walk next to me away from the edge.
Have the 'walk nicely organised else you hold my hand' chat. If they start being silly, if they won't hold hands, I would hold their wrist.

Decent reins have a fairly short lead. That is why I didn't use a wrist strap - as well as the risk of wrist injury/shoulder dislocation if there was a sudden jerk.
Neither of my DCs ever got close to going in the road on reins. They still had to hold a hand when crossing the road - good training for when you ditch the reins.