Miserable baby still miserable, anyone else?

[NewMomma21]

Hi everyone,

I started a thread a while back in relation to my DS who is very high needs. He’s now 7 months old and continues to cry and whinge all day every day. It is just so oppressive. He had improved a bit at 6months but we are right back in the trenches. He just seems so miserable all the time and the constant noise of him crying, I think I’m going to lose my mind some days.

He is refusing point blank to roll or go on his stomach. He digs his heels in and screeches. He is treated for silent reflux. He refuses to be worn in anything like a sling or carrier.

Is anyone else in the same boat? Has anyone else been through this, when did it get better?

Im just finding it so hard

Just to say that it sounds really hard. Some babies are just like this, over sensitive to their environment. Don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you're imaging it or exaggerating. Get as much help as you can and time alone as you can

What other medical help has he had? I thought silent reflux babies were generally relieved to be upright (eg held/in sling) so is it possible something else is going on? It sounds really hard.

Thank you. For a time family did think I was exaggerating but they have seen him in action over the course of the 7 months and now are sympathetic. MIL takes both boys for two hours on a Friday but usually that is used to get through the household chores that I don’t get a chance to do during the week. When DH works from home he takes them for an hour in the morning but generally I listening to the crying 7-7 every day. I’m totally worn out by it

That sounds really hard. Has he reached milestones at approximately the right age? Like smiling, laughing, sitting etc? 💐

It is so hard, Im sorry you're going through it. It did pass, but DD was around a year old when things started to get better. She still has reflux and bowel issues as a tween and i think a lot of it was from that. She actually slept longer at 5 then she did as a 3 month old baby. That was usually about 9 very broken hours total in 24, often waking every 45 minutes. She would cry if anyone but me or DH picked her up until she was over a year old
Not sure how I got through really. My first mother's day I was in floods of tears from sheer exhaustion. I can still remember that feeling so clearly. It feels endless when you're in it.

I wish Id pushed more at the time for better treatment for her reflux. With tummy time Id put DD on my legs and my legs bent up so she was on an angle or put her tummy against mine when I was seated reclining a little so still fairly upright. She liked being on my tummy, I think the warmth helped her a bit.

He has reached milestones so far, he smiles and laughs (in between wailing) and can sit pretty independently. He was weaned early on medical advice and has tolerated that well. He plays well with toys and lights up when he sees his big brother. He will however not roll or tolerate time on his back or stomach.

About 80% of the time he is crying or whinging. He wants to be carried most of the time. He cries hysterically if I got out of view so changing my other DS is really challenging. I was looking back at videos of my other DS at the same age the other day and I can’t believe the difference, he was so sunny and happy. I know all babies are different but this is a really stark difference

My first son was like this, nothing seemed to placate him. He loved the bouncer hung from the door, would spend a lot of time in it and he loved going out in the pushchair. I think one day we went out 4 times just to shut him up, he seemed so content, we’d often go to the park, he loved the baby swing. I do think back and wonder if he might have benefited from some professional baby massage, as the only time I would get a smile from him was after a bath, I would have him on the bed and massage him, he never crawled, but walked at 11 months old and once more mobile he was a happier baby. He did sleep quite well, which obviously massively helped. My second son, was the complete opposite, happy, content from day one.

Sounds like my little girl - the GP suggested she just didn't like being a baby. Not helpful at the time but now she's 1.5 I think that was probably right.

She was just never happy/content - the only position she somewhat tolerated was being held laying on her stomach, so that's how we survived for months and months.

Since she's walking and communicating she is much happier. She's actually a pretty happy little soul now, still fairly hard work - sleep isn't great / tantrums / really doesn't like other people, but she's a million miles away from the whinging baby she was.

There wasn't really a turning point, it was very gradual. To be honest my mat leave with her broke me a bit. It is really tough but she is turning in to good company now - hang in there :)

I know this is a bit woo but cranial osteopathy can work and both of mine benefitted. He is obviously in some sort of discomfort. Maybe worth a shot?

Thanks for this suggestion, I’ll look into this I will try anything at this point

Thanks so much for your reply. I feel so much better when someone who knows what it’s like gets it. No one I know has a baby like mine. All my friends with babies of a similar age have sunny, happy cherub which makes it more difficult sometimes.

I also feel quite broken by this Mat leave. I’m at home with a toddler and a baby that never stops whinging. I’m exhausted. The days are so long. Sometimes I wish I was back in work but also couldn’t fathom leaving him with someone knowing he might not be looked after with kindness given his very difficult temperament

Does he sleep? My dd was like this and I found a strict routine and lots of sleep helped.

Tbh though she has remained sensitive all the way through babyhood and childhood. Lots of sensory issues and is easily overwhelmed even now as a teenager!

He had been sleeping reasonably well but that has gone out the window too in the last week and it was the only glimmer of light I had, that at least while he slept I got a break. Last night he was awake 1-3.30. And awake again just after 6.

I was only discussing with DH last night how worried I am for his future as if this is a personality trait he will likely have a difficult life. And his DB is an angelic, kind and curious boy and growing up next to him in all his goodness will be hard on him if he is going to be a difficult on an ongoing basis.

My daughter didn't improve until we removed all 20 of her allergens and got her on very high dose reflux treatments

My DD was very like this as a baby, constantly whining and moaning, escalating to full on screaming. Kept having the odd better week and thinking we had turned a corner, but then back to how she was before. Things very, very gradually improved - by about 1 when she was walking things were definitely easier, and by about 18 months when she was talking it was better again. She was always happier out and about, so I used to try and spend all day out but it was exhausting. I think she was just bored and hated being a baby. And I definitely felt more than prepared to tackle the toddler years!

But if it helps she is now 7. She is still sensitive, but she is confident, chatty, sociable and popular. Everyone always comments on what a friendly little girl she is. So I really don't think your DS is doomed to a life of grumpiness!

It's so tough though, and I am so sorry you are going through it! It is so demoralising seeing everyone else's smiley cheery babies while yours just wants to scream. And it's hard to imagine it ever getting better, but it will!

He sounds very over tired and over stimulated, just like my DD1 was. Wouldn't sleep at night, and then spent all day whinging and glued to me because she was so exhausted. We were lucky enough to find a good sleep consultant locally, who was a bit patronising initially but pointed out that a baby her age (she was around 9 months) needed an awful lot more sleep than she was getting. We kept a diary for a week, then she stepped in and showed us the controlled crying routine. Within 2 weeks, she was napping twice a day for 2 hours a time in her cot and this seemed to sort her night waking out too. It was painful, I won't lie but it made a huge difference.

I don't want to project forward too much but sometimes neurodivergent people are sensitive to their environment from day one. It's possible that could be the case for your baby. I'm not saying this to worry you but rather to reassure you that some people are just wired up in a hypersensitive way

I had one a bit like this, DC4. Cried inconsolably, woke at the drop of a pin, napped for ten minutes or until some almost inaudible sound disturbed her, had to be held (I ended up putting her in a back carrier so I could do housework and cook, which did my back in), and only slept through the night at age 2.5. She went berserk in the supermarket every time I tried bringing her with me to shop. She rolled over at the average age, and crawled at 7 months, but was still very needy and extremely fretful. Fussy about food, too. As a toddler, gave new meaning to the term 'Terrible Twos'...

You might need to gird yourself for the long haul, and make sure you get decent breaks.

Sympathy xx

I’m not convinced DS could be/is showing signs of neurodivergence. I’m qualified and experienced in this area and although he has extreme fussiness he is very social. He laughs and smiles appropriately and exhibits age appropriate social responses and plays with toys again in what I would consider an appropriate manner. He was flagged for head lag early on by HV which obviously set off all kind of alarm bells for me but HV was the only professional who seemed to see this in him, GP and physio both felt it was a nonsense to suggest it and neither felt ND was a concern. Both agreed he is a baby that hates being a baby and is frustrated. But I understand it is too early to say definitively either way.

It’s been another long, long day of crying. I’m starting to think he is teething very intensely and as PP have suggested is over tired.

@NewMomma21

hi, sorry to jump on this post so late! I just wondered how your little one is now? I have a seven month old and could have written your post. However I’m a first time mum and feel completely useless as if I’m doing something wrong. Did you little one get any better? X

I just want to give you my sympathy. It's awful having a baby like this (not that the baby is awful, but you know what I mean.) The toll of it on your mental and often also physical health can be awful. As much as you can, take breaks from the situation. My DD was much happier from about 15 months, but I was feeling the mental aftermath for quite a lot longer.

Hi there,

So sorry to hear you are going through something similar!

You are absolutely not useless!! I’m sure you are doing a great job and not doing anything wrong. DS is my second so I can confidently say it’s not parenting it’s temperament. Have you any support or help you can lean in to?

DS is now just over 8 months and while still a very demanding and high needs baby he has improved a little bit. He is very easily bored and needs a lot of stimulation. I would say he cries more than is typical but he is maybe a little bit more content than he was. I have resigned myself to him being this way until he is a year old and has acquired more skills and has some more autonomy.

Has your DC always been fussy?

Two out of my three boys were like this- it was a real shock as my first baby (the only ND one) was so chill and lovely. My middle boys are 8 and 4 now and perfectly fine, well behaved, polite but extremely extroverted 😄. I don't even have any advice for you other than mine grew out of it around 3ish.

I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my fourth boy so who knows what I will get this time!

@NewMomma21

Thank you for the reassuring words, its so tough isn’t it! I scroll through mumsnet because I’m the only person I know with a baby this hard work. I have family near who give me a break at least once a week or couple of hours when possible, plus a partner who completely understands.

Your baby sounds exactly like me. She is constantly bored and need attention or stimulation 24/7. I think maybe I need to do the same and just accept it. She has always been like this, I mean we joke around and say she came out screaming and hasn’t stopped. X

I am also the only member of the miserable baby club in my group of friends. It’s so hard! We’ve not been to a baby group and rarely do things outside of the house/daily walk because I find the stress of the crying with an audience too much. I also have a 2 yr old at home with me so there are days when I feel like I’m losing my mind!

It’s great that you have some help and have an understanding partner. I definitely recommend trying to work some self care into your week. A break from the constant noise is so essential!

My DC is a little older than yours and there has been a small improvement recently. I really did waste a lot of time hoping the thing I tried would be the thing that worked. It’s a little easier to have no expectation that something will work and hope that by the time he walks (no sign of crawling yet but sitting very well and trying to pull to stand) things will get a bit easier and easier again when he can communicate