Miserable baby still miserable, anyone else?

[NewMomma21]

Hi everyone,

I started a thread a while back in relation to my DS who is very high needs. He’s now 7 months old and continues to cry and whinge all day every day. It is just so oppressive. He had improved a bit at 6months but we are right back in the trenches. He just seems so miserable all the time and the constant noise of him crying, I think I’m going to lose my mind some days.

He is refusing point blank to roll or go on his stomach. He digs his heels in and screeches. He is treated for silent reflux. He refuses to be worn in anything like a sling or carrier.

Is anyone else in the same boat? Has anyone else been through this, when did it get better?

Im just finding it so hard

@NewMomma21
It’s so difficult to not compare and Im exactly the same I haven’t even attempted a baby group, I can guarantee she will be a nightmare and in tears and mostly like me too! I love her so much and hate saying it but I feel little robbed of the whole experience.

I think you’re right, no expectations might be the way forward. I’m glad there’s a small improvement for you, I guess we just have wait it out! X

I just wanted to say it’s okay to feel like you’ve been robbed. I feel like that too! A lot of friends had babies at the same time and without exception they are all described as chill and brilliant babies! But genuinely most babies are, my other DS was a dream. This baby must be in the top 5% of fussy babies!! It’s just bad luck.

The only solace I take is a brill GP I saw after a 10 hour cryathon said that she felt he was an intelligent baby, frustrated by his limitations as an infant and he’ll probably grow up to be a bright little boy, some babies just hate being babies! A lot of people here have suggested he is ND but having experience in this area I don’t think he is, the more independence he gets it gets ever so little easier.

As I said the thing that gets me through is walks, breaks, taking it one day at a time, recognising that a bad day will pass and tomorrow might be better and most importantly having no expectations that something will “fix” the problem. Toys that entertain him are stacking rings, pop up toys, a little push toy (when you press down it spins), spinners for tables and windows have been great for a quick coffee out, bellls and instruments.

Ill post again and let you know how he is getting on in a few weeks

This sounds so hard. I am presuming you've looked into allergies and intolerances etc?

DD barley slept for the first 12 months, she was always on me, being rocked, patted, walked. She was 6 months old on my first mother's day and I just wanted to cry and sleep. I think some babies find the world overwhelming and take a long time to adjust to being born. Soometimes things worked, but never for long. Things got a little better around her 1st birthday, we turned a corner at 14 months. All my babies have been high need, though DD was by far the worst. I never got to enjoy the baby stage or to really remember it that much because of how absolutely exhausted I was. It can be unbelievably hard. She's still a very sensitive person, I think a lot of it was because of her personality. She is kind hearted and caring and always wants to help, but she's also anxious and finds the world hard. I still feel robbed sometimes over how hard the baby years were, but its something I think about less. Sometimes its all you can do to get through it. Its hard and I hope it passes soon for all those going through it.

Dd was like this until about one but then nursery bugs kicked in so really she was more like two before I got any meaningful sleep or rest from the whinging. Sympathy it’s very tough

I’m not sure if this is for me or the other poster but yes we looked into allergies. Didn’t meet the threshold for milk intolerance (gained weight steadily, no issues with bowel, perfect skin). He was diagnosed with reflux and is on losec. However while the reflux probably explained his temperament early on it, it didn’t explain his relentless crying on an ongoing basis. Just a very grumpy baby unfortunately.

I can really relate to this. DS is a good sleeper (although going through a phase of early waking at the moment). Sometimes I would get a day or two when things improved and I would think finally, the big change is here! Only for things to return to a cycle of crying and whinging all day. I think this was probably the hardest part, hoping things would change and despairing when they didn’t. Probably why my advice would be have no expectation so you won’t be disappointed and take it a day at a time. I do sometimes feel robbed of all those “special moments” you are supposed to have with a baby and I cry when I look at baby pictures of him thinking of how hard it was but I try not to dwell. Having a baby can be a very, very challenging experience.

My DD was like this for the first year then became a very feisty toddler! However, she was the sweetest and loveliest little girl and now a pretty good teenager. She's doing brilliantly at school and is loved by everyone. Hang in there!

Aww bless ya, being a mum is hard and babies are hard hun! I've got 4 children my youngest she's just turned 1 there was a big age age gap between her and my youngest son soo I had forgotten lots and didn't remember the stages they go through, I do think at 6-7 months they start to get teeth hun so it could be teething? Boys also are on the laid back side they don't mind about not doing much my boys were completely different to my daughter more laid back didn't crawl, roll or anything like that till a little later but they did it in their own time don't feel too stressed about this hun as all babies are different and develop differently, he could be clingy and stuff because he's teething I know my daughter started getting her teeth at 5-6 months she's now getting her molars the back ones and it's been hard work as she's been like this during the day and night and I'm absolutely shattered! Maybe get some teething gel and calpol and just hand in there it don't last forever! 😊 sometimes they also have sleep regression too due to development

@NewMomma21

im sorry your going through it to but it gives me a little comfort knowing it not the only one, as sometimes it really does feel like that!

I’m glad you had a nice GP, that sounds a pretty accurate way to describe our type of babies I think!

Thanks for your help and advise. It is very much surviving each day at the moment. Yes I would love to know how he is getting on in the next few weeks. Thank you

I just wanted to add that my LO was like this for the first six months until we saw a sleep consultant, and, to echo PP, it turned out she was locked in a nasty cycle of chronic overtiredness bc she wouldn't nap. We spent a week breaking that cycle and it improved her bedtime sleep and her overall temperament. It's so tough, and she is still feisty!!! I think she's another one in the hates being a baby club. Solidarity x

The only thing I have clung onto is that DS is a good sleeper. He takes good naps and sleeps through from 7-5 (although starting my day at 5 is not ideal!). So for us it wasn’t tiredness or milk allergy I think he genuinely hates being a baby. He is getting better as he masters new skills and can explore his environment with more autonomy.

It genuinely is so very hard and hope this thread brings anyone going through something similar some solace.

There's a baby in my mother's group like this. Honestly I've never seen him not crying or whinging. I feel so sorry for his mum who is 100% doing her best. Its my 2nd and thank god because if I'd seen a baby like hers I'd have been put off having another. My eldest went through phases of being v discontented, my youngest is much more easygoing so I know how drastically different even siblings can be. Best of luck with it.