Baby morning routine - am I doing it wrong?

[007mummy]

Looking for some advice please!

My baby boy is 6 months old (4 months correct as was 2 months premature).

He was initially exclusively breastfed but now combi fed with only formula at bedtime and during the night. He's never slept through the night always woke for feed/s since we got him home from the hospital.

He doesn't get fed at the same time every day, sometimes goes 3 or 4 hours between feeds so I don't feel he's in a routine that way anyway but works for us during the day. But bedtime is always roughly the same time (usually 7.30-8.30) and he looks to go to bed so we give him a bottle before bed and he goes to sleep no problem (most times!)

Now once he's fed at bed time he usually wakes after 4ish hours, feed him and he goes back to sleep. After this feed it's a mystery, sometimes he goes 3/4/5 even 7 hours(!!) it is very unpredictable.

I'm just trying to figure out when his actual morning wake up time is? Eg last night he woke up at 1am, got fed and back to sleep. He then woke at 5.30am fed and back to sleep. He then woke at 8.30am, was calm and babbling I managed to change nappy etc but then he got fed around 9 and literally fell sound asleep afterwards and was rubbing eyes and so I put him back into his bed and he went back to sleep. It's now 10.15am and he's still asleep!

Did I do wrong? I feel like every other baby is up at 7am/8am and that's them getting up and fed and dressed but my baby wants to sleep. Is it because he doesn't sleep through the night?

Just looking for some thoughts and advice please! X

I am the parent of 'babies' born in the 90s so I can offer experience though not current advice.
I let them sleep and wake to their own schedule, except number 3 who was also eight weeks pemature. She had to manage around school picks ups and drop offs.
They all did absolutely fine. I would think that for many parents it's really important to work towards getting into a routine for when they go back to work. Not so convinced that it's necessarily for the baby's benefit. Not that I think it's bad for a baby to be in a routine, not at all, but I'm saying don't put pressure on yourself to force a routine.
My siblings and I were born in the 60s when we were fed on a four hour schedule come what may, and my mother thought I was very slack in my methods. But then we were left to yell in our prams in the garden ( and outside shops) too. Times have changed so much.
I suppose i did baby-led routines, like you are doing today 💕

My baby wasn't a morning person either! After about 6 months she was hardly ever up before 9. She's 6 now and I have to wake her for school at 8, and at weekends she happily sleeps in until 9.30. She goes to bed at 7.30 but she needs time to wind down so reads or plays in bed for an hour or so, it's just who she is. I'm the same.

Don't panic about it, just let him work to his own schedule – at this stage, they can never have too much sleep imo!

You aren’t doing anything “wrong”, but if you want him to be more consistent in terms of bed time and wake up time then you need to implement more of a routine. So feeding every 3 hours, waking him up around 7am, consistent nap times etc

If it works for you, nothing is wrong . Don't stress.
My first baby I sort of went with the flow and just gave bottles as and when, bed time was the same but wake ups could differ.
Second child I had to be up and ready to get DD to school, so we ended up having more of a routine of sorts.

I would assume his wake time is whenever you get him up and start your day. His night time sleep sounds perfectly normal - and in fact, much less interrupted than either of mine at that age - so he's getting plenty of night time sleep.

I never really thought about what a wake up time would be, but I assume it's when you get him dressed and bring him downstairs for the day. Sounds like he's just more sleepy than normal. As long as he's otherwise healthy, that sounds fine.

Enjoy it. I'd sleep those mornings or get some quality time for yourself. You won't have that later on when he's waking for the day at 5am and on the move constantly.

At 4 months I questioned with my HV whether I was some now forcing my daughter to sleep too much. We generally spent until 10am in bed having feeds, cuddles and snoozes. I had severe pnd and mornings were hard.
She reassured me you can't force a baby to sleep. Around 6 months we were up closer to 9 and she had a nap sometime around 10.45-11 then a long nap in the afternoon. We had much more defined routine to the day with more time for engagement. She has severe reflux and allergies which were diagnosed until nearly 5 months tackling these made a big difference as I wasn't constantly trying to provide comfort which usually resulted in trying to get her to sleep as the only time she wasn't screaming
She's not a morning person at 3 and I have to wake her up for nursery. She's can sleep in at the weekend until half 7-half 8

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies and messages of reassurance. My sister has a baby similar age and it's very hard not to compare the two - sleeps through the night, formula fed and fed at same time daily, same wake up time, same bed time etc.

I just worried I was putting him down to sleep when I should have him up and ready for the day and getting out/interacting with him.

I'll keep going by his cues and see where we end up!

Don't compare to other babies – they're all so different and they change so quickly. I had friends who had dream babies that were nightmare toddlers whereas my nightmare baby was a dream toddler! You never know what will come next.

The only question to ask is if it's working for YOU. Do you want your baby to start sleeping through the night? Are you struggling with the night wakings? At 6 months you're getting towards the time you could sleep train if you wanted to. But equally, it is totally normal for babies of that age to wake in the night, so if it's not bothering you, then you don't have to worry a jot and can just leave him to do his thing.

Don't compare to other babies at his age his routine fits around you. It's easy not to do this if he is a only but he would fit in if he had siblings as you'd never be able to do the school run.

Trust your instincts. So yes, you could get up and dressed at 6:30, get out and about early, go for a morning walk, trip to the supermarket when it's quiet, early morning swim at the swimming pool etc, his routine will naturally fit in with what you are doing, he might fall asleep during the walk or after swimming etc and that's fine. You don't need to wait for him to be 'up'. Now the mornings are lighter and the weather is improving starting your day earlier could be nice, you'd get loads done and have a quiet and restful afternoon.

If you don't want to start your day early, that fine wait until 09:00 when he wakes either is fine as long as you aren't waiting around and stopping you progressing with what you need or want to do.

My baby was always an early riser (5/6am) but then would take a very long morning nap from about 9am (2 or 2.5 hours). Her afternoon naps were always short. This went on until she was well over 1 and she transitioned to just one long nap after lunch. She did sleep through the night from an early age though.
I would just go with your baby’s natural rhythms.

My first baby and first round of maternity leave ran with the baby who was a slow eater and exclusively breast fed.
fed in the night and about 6am …. To me that was the middle of the night!
we then got up about 10am … another feed, breakfast, jobs, baby’s lunch, my lunch, baby slept, I showered and we were out the house about 3pm !!
obviously I could (& did) do mornings if I had to. But we went with what worked.
we started a bath routine about 7, but then baby cluster fed for the rest of the evening till 11/12! & my dinner was often eaten “over”a feeding baby!

don’t and don’t compare.

dont be a comparing parent you’ll be doing it forever. There’s no need. We’re all different.
the best way to see that is to have another baby!! … very different!

Think it’s relevant to what you have on day to day. If you’ve no where to be then 10.15 is fine, if you’ve baby classes you want to go to then setting a routine will help.
I did a loose routine from when they were born.
with my youngest he had to fit in round a school drop off/pick up so I had to work to a schedule with feeds/naps and that ultimately meant he was in his routine very quickly. Eldest, I’d often have been still in bed at 9/10am but he fed at exact same times every day…going back to work that needed adjusted as I couldn’t rock up to work when I pleased.
entirely up to you and your schedule, carry on as you are or change things if you feel you need too ☺️

I wouldn't worry at all, being 8 weeks early your bubba is playing catch up. My LG was 5 weeks early and is now 9mo. She's only just within the last 2 weeks had a regular wake up of between 6am and 7am. She also was still going to bed at 11pm until she was 6 months old so it took us ages to get into a routine! She wakes every night around 1-3am but at the moment is going through the 8 month regression (fun!)

My LG basically sorted her own routine and I followed that. However it's getting towards the end of my mat leave so I have started trying to get her to follow a routine that will be more suitable for me when I'm back to work.

You'll figure it out, I'm sure you're doing a great job 😁

Exactly my experience, although #1 was a poor sleeper, day and night. No real routine and no need for one until pm nursery at 3.

There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing especially as baby is just 4 months old really. You’ll find they sleep less as they get a few months older. Also, you might want to consider an earlier bedtime at 7pm as when you have things to do in the mornings it’ll be a nightmare if baby doesn’t get enough sleep.

You're fine, and probably (in the nicest way possible) overthinking. He's partly breastfed which tends to be less scheduled compared to formula. If he wants to go back to sleep, he needs to go back to sleep. With my first he'd wake in the morning, and we'd stay in bed feeding or just chatting and playing (much as a baby can) then he'd drop back off at 9/10 and I'd have a nap too. As others have said, with my second we needed to have more routine simply due to nursery etc.

It's not you but the wider thing of this obsession with baby routines causes so much unhappiness or worry. You are doing fine. Better than fine in fact because you are responsive to your baby and his needs, and what small babies need most of all is attuned and responsive parenting. It's also very normal not to be going through the night and there is huge variation in how much babies sleep and how.

Look at it this way - you and your sister probably sleep a little differently, different times, different amount of light in the room, you like different foods for different meals and feel hungry at slightly different times. We're all individuals, including babies. But for some reason as a society we tend to make out that babies are homogeneous and should all be doing about the same thing and it's not true. Developmental milestones are the same, wide variation in those. My first walked confidently at 10 months, my friends daughter was 15 months. They are both perfectly normal kids running around now.

You've got this.

I can only really remember the schedule of my most recent baby but she was sort of similar to yours at that age. We would get "up" and dressed at 7am but she would be having her first nap of the day at 9am. This was the most blessed thing. It was also her longest nap. Straight after the school run and for a solid 2 or even 3 hours.
Everything I read online said this wasn't "normal" and "too long" but it didn't interfere with her afternoon or night time sleep. She just loved to sleep (still does!)

You'll be down to 1 and then no naps in less time than it takes you to pay off a new sofa. Relish it.

Once you are back at work there will be plenty of time for a strict routine, as you won't have a choice. For now roll with it if it works!

As long as the baby is getting the right amount of sleep across 24 hours and the situation is working for you and your family, I don't think there is a wrong.

Ah you sound like you’re doing really well! I honestly wouldn’t worry about routines and stuff like that.

Some babies do naturally fall into a routine and it’s really hard to not compare but every baby is so different, if they all acted the same we wouldn’t have forums like this to act for help! If having a routine would make life easier then try and make changes but I honestly wouldn’t worry, you sound like you’re doing amazing.

It sounds like you are doing amazingly well. Don't compare to other babies. Comparison is the thief of joy. Enjoy the time you have esp when they are small.

My two were completely different and I did nothing different (bar my youngest had to come on the school run at 8.30-9am in the week). My eldest had low sleep needs, awake at 6am every day and my youngest took herself back to bed at 7.30am this morning when we should be leaving (she's 2 years now).

I found a routine started to fall in place when I had things to get to - classes, swimming, meeting people etc and even more so when I had to go back to work.

I also wouldn't focus on sleeping through the night. It is very common for babies and toddlers to be waking once or multiple times. My eldest still wakes one or two nights a week at 6.5 years old. My 2 year old is currently waking twice a night.

My 6 month old is exactly the same as yours.
It works for us at the moment, so I don't plan on changing it. He sleeps when he wants to during the day. At night we go to bed between 7.30 and 9. He wakes anytime from 6 to 10.30, depending on how well he slept overnight. Sometimes he will wake early, be awake an hour snuggling and then go back to sleep for a few more hours.
He is EBF.

I have a 3.5 month old. We have no routine in the morning.

She wakes up about 3/4am for a feed then she’ll wake up again any time from 6-8am and I breastfeed in bed her which takes ages then we’re up and out of bed 9am-10:30am I’ve had some days I’ve fallen asleep again and so has baby and it’s suddenly 11am!

Only routine we do is bath at 7pm then feed and sleep by 9pm.

I tried to do a routine and it was awful I felt so much pressure about things and doing things at certain times. But now it’s all baby led and it works fine.

My advice would be don’t worry about it and just do what feels right for you and baby. If anyone makes judgy comments that’s more a reflection on them.

You aren't doing anything wrong at all. When my 11 year old was a baby, he'd go to bed about 8, feed at 1am and then 6am. Some days the 6am was "breakfast" before the day started and some days it was a "night-time feed" before going back to sleep until waking about 9am for his "breakfast". Then sometimes he'd nap from 10-11, sometimes he'd go through till after lunch about 1-2pm! The only reason it would matter is if your son is tried/grumpy but not sleeping, or not eating enough! The only other is you'll need to figure out getting him into a good routine for when you go back to work, if you do, but there's time yet and he'll be older by then!

There’s no rhyme or reason to babies sleep, life will become less stressful if yous top trying to predict and control it and just go with it