14 mo I feel like such a failure

[cheesepleasegromit]

I love my 14 mo so much and he's so brilliant but he wakes multiple times in the night, sometimes will only settle with milk still and half the time chucks all his food on the floor. I know you shouldn't compare but my friends with the same age kids tell me they sleep through the night, they never have milk at night, they eat lovely family roasts together etc etc. and it's making me feel like I'm doing something wrong and failing him somehow.

I have had some bad experiences with the HVs so don't feel I can call them for advice so don't know what to do. I would really appreciate any advice!

If it makes you feel better DD is coming up 16 months, still wakes at least once a night (much more if teething/ill etc) and will sometimes eat like a champ, other days like a champion shotputter!! 😂You’re absolutely not failing at all x

DS is 16m and has just weaned off milk at night. I decided enough was enough for it and worked on offering other things. We tried a couple of months ago but he wasn’t ready and needed the milk still.

All babies are different but their worlds are so small that there aren’t that many things to compare!

My 3.5 has periods of being up every 40 minutes!
She didn't eat her first meal until 13 months. She was 20 months before we could wean her off formula as it took until then for her to be eating enough that she didn't need the 500ml of formula a day for nutrition. She was 3 before she stopped having oat milk overnight (dairy allergy) but from 18 months this was limited to 2oz to avoid triggering reflux. She still goes through periods where she will only eat one meal over the course of the weekend. At the moment she is living off crackers, meat and apples.
Whilst my friends were on maternity leave with their seconds and their babies were about 8 months and she was 3 and refusing to eat anything for lunch that I had prepared and they were eating beautifully for my own wellbeing I left with my lunch in a doggy bag because I couldn't watch them eat whilst fighting to get her to eat. She has so many allergies eating out is hard and it's incredibly stressful when she won't eat the safe foods I have with me and struggle to procure other safe foods.

Feeding my daughter and working through the dozens of things that upset her sleep is so stressful. She can sleep through the night and does but to do so all of her needs need to be completely met when they aren't she wakes up and we have to figure out what needs isn't being met.

My 14 month old still wakes up multiple times most nights. The only mum from our antenatal group whose baby sleeps all the way through is a liar (I’m on a few shared groups with her, and her baby’s ability to sleep through magically changes depending on who she is talking to). It’s doable, because my nieces and nephew do, but it’s not unusual for babies to still wake at this point. Sending strength though, it’s so tough.

Your friends are talking bs or their name is Pinocchio… my 21 mth old daughter still
wakes in the night for a bottle and most food gets thrown over the high chair… ignore them … smile and nod , they either feel insecure or have a unicorn baby

Sounds normal to me. We are now at 22 months and most of the toddlers in our anti natal group are not sleeping through or waking very early. Mine was a unicorn baby who slept through from 7-12 months but has been waking multiple times during the night since starting nursery at 12 months. We often have to settle her with milk too even though she has previously given up on night feeds. Loves throwing food on the ground and hasn’t eaten a vegetable (unless hidden) in months. Only eats family meals with us if you count pasta and potatoes.

Oh my goodness thank you all SO much for your kind words, makes me feel so much better! I have been feeling really guilty and like I'm doing the wrong thing every time I give him milk at night so it's a relief to hear I'm not alone!

My 15 month old wakes in the night and won't go back to sleep without a 2am bowl of weetabix!
My 3 year old used to sleep well but now likes to wake just after the baby is back asleep and starts asking to go downstairs for two hours. It's hell but it will pass.

Before I had kids I used to believe I needed 8 hours sleep to function...

Both my children didn’t sleep through the night until they were 3 yrs old. It’s totally normal.

I follow a gentle sleep consultant on social media and the other day she was posting about night weaning misconceptions - she said all that night weaning guarantees is that when your baby wakes, you no longer have the thing that is most likely to get them back to sleep. It doesn’t necessarily stop the waking. Made me feel much better about it!

Your friends are lying or at the very least exaggerating! Your child is perfectly normal.

No 14 month old in the world sits down with the family to nicely eat a roast dinner 😂 and why the rush to ditch milk at bedtime? My little boy is almost 2 and has a cup of warm milk with stories at bedtime and I imagine he will for a long time to come!

Ignore them and carry on enjoying your lovely baby in the way that works for your family.

That is really interesting and has made me look at this another way... thank you.

Ahhh I think I misread - milk IN the night? Still same as others, very occasionally we have 4 or 5am milk if he wakes starving to get back to sleep!

Well done on your normal well attached child! Mine is the same age, born Valentine’s Day. He’s my second so I’m more relaxed but he feeds to sleep at 7pm, wakes for a feed at midnight ish at which point he comes into bed with me and feeds at 5am ish then back to sleep. About half the time there’s a feed at 8/9pm which I’m getting fed up of as it’s the most limiting.
If he’s in the right mood he’ll sit in his chair and eat finger food, or throw it all on the floor!
He’s been poorly the last few weeks and I’m so glad I still have a good supply and he still feeds for comfort - it’s been an absolute godsend.

I really should cut down the night time feeds, just waiting till we’re over the latest bug but it’s not doing any harm except a bit limiting for me going out.

This was my son! He didn't sleep through the night until he was around 14-15 months when we eventually and to sleep train/controlled crying method. The only thing that would settle him was milk.

The sleep training was tough for around 2-3 nights but it worked and he eventually slept through.

He's also never been a great eater and even now at 3 is very limited in what he eats and we could never have a family meal- he just wouldn't eat anything we have.

It gets easier honestly.

Er mine did (weaned at 4m, 3 meals a day by 5m and meat from 7m, he was born in 2004). He has always loved his food and was a bottle refuser so getting him onto proper food was a priority.

Don't worry, my ds was one of those mythical babies who ate 3 meals from very early and slept all night, but he was a challenge in other ways. My dd, however, had milk at least once in the night until she was nearly 3 years old and very rarely ate a proper meal. She was the easier baby though. They're both now champion sleeping teenagers with very normal appetites! Don't let the self-doubt creep in, your ds sounds perfectly normal.

Both of mine slept through from about 6 months (sheer dumb luck) but they both still have milk and cuddles at bed time and the eldest is 3. 3 year old eats 3 meals a day but has the appetite of a baby sparrow unless it involves chicken nuggets and potato waffles. Youngest is almost 2 and he will eat anything you give him, has done since he was weaned. Eats a decent portion of food at each meal, but almost the same amount will end up on the floor, over the table, in his hair.

NCT/ baby class “friends” by any chance? Yeah… they are talking out of their competitive backsides. At that age it’s rare to reliably be sleeping through most nights from the time they go down to the time they get up in the morning. Officially the definition of sleeping through is a stretch of 6-8 hours of sleep. That’s a realistic expectation and for a 7:30 bedtime that’s still a 1:30 wake for a feed. Even then plenty of babies wake more frequently.

All these ones with their “big eaters” might get a shock when neophobia kicks in in a few months and they’ve spent months bragging about all the food their LOs eat.

Don’t even think on it for another second. Your child is perfectly healthy.

I’m currently feeding my 14 month old back to sleep on his second wake up of the night so far, so you definitely aren’t the only one! I also have a three year old who sleeps straight through like an angel - but didn’t once for the first 11 months. They all get there eventually and there’s no great prize for getting to sleeping through earlier (apart from being well rested yourself!)

If you want to change the situation then look into the various types of sleep training. We did some gentle/no cry it out training with my oldest and it worked wonders very quickly. But we haven’t with the current 14 month old because I’m not ready to do it yet. You do what’s right for you but your baby is fine either way and you are by no means a failure.

My baby also throws all his food at the floor. Do you have childrens centres near you the practitioners there are so helpful

Thank you all again, you have been so reassuring and made me feel so much better!

For those of you who mentioned sleep training - we did some gentle training with the pickup/put down method at about 11months to get him to sleep in his cot which worked really well, most of the time when he wakes up a quick cuddle will help him go back to sleep, it's just how often he wakes up that I was worried about! But it sounds like it's pretty normal...

The other thing is - is it ok to still give formula in the night time, purely for the reason that the prep machine makes it quickly at the right temperature and I'm really anxious about microwaving cow's milk and it burning?

I think so - my understanding is that you stop formula at 12 months because it’s more expensive and they don’t need it anymore, not because it’s bad for them in any way. Both mine occasionally had/have formula well beyond one as it’s useful to have some in the cupboard for those days when I’ve forgotten to get new milk as it has a much longer shelf life.