So upset at b*tchy school mums

[Lynnestevens]

Went to a birthday party today for my child in reception. It was a whole class party in softplay with other parties happening at the same time. There was a table set up for the parents which I sat at and tried to speak to a few parents. I know most to see from drop off and I tried to be friendly and chatty. Twice a parent I had been talking to for a while got up to "get a coffee" and then moved to a separate table with one or two other parents to obviously have their own conversation. I think some of these parents know each other better through having older kids at the school but it just seems so b*tchy to me and immature. Im now replaying all the conversations I had and worry i overshared or said something embarrassing for this to happen twice at one party. Im keen to be friendly with these Mums so maybe that came across too much and put them off? Just feels strange to me that other parents wouldn't want to be friendly at a kids birthday party. Is it me? Or is this just how some grown women behave?

This is normal mingling, OP, and you are waaay overreacting to be lashing out like this.

In the scheme of things, they may never be what you'd call a friend. I have to say when I go to things like this I flit around, I don't feel any other adult is my responsibility. I assume they'll flit around too and make an effort. I find the effort absolutely exhausting but would rather a few chats than sitting abandoned. If you don't have the energy just get out your phone and scroll.

It doesn’t sound like anyone was bitchy or immature, although I think unless the person I was chatting to was a nightmare I’d probably say “oh I see Emma over there, I’m going to go and say hello, have you met? Come over with me…”

I picked up on your “worry i overshared” comment. Did you? People who overshare can be extremely off putting

I don’t know how you’ve concluded that they’re bitchy when they sat and chatted to you for 10-15 minutes?! It’s really normal to mingle, get up and chat to different people at these things. And yes some people are going to know each other better- maybe kids went to the same nursery, they’re neighbours, older siblings in the same class or some other connection. Again, that’s not bitchy and it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Stop taking everything so personally. Next party get up and move around and chat to lots of different people too. If you want DD to be invited for play dates then invite her friends over first and most people will reciprocate.

If someone I didn't know was talking to me at a party I'd be desperate to get away. Sorry but what they did is normal.

You're feeling socially anxious... do you not think they might be too?

Calling them b*tchy is a bit much unless they said something rude to you!

People don’t stay sitting down at the mail table for a long time, talking 1-1 with another parent you don’t know that well for 10min is enough, after that you move around and find someone else. OP, did you walk around or stay sat the whole time?

I also think 10 - 15 is a lot. I mean that’s a long time with someone you don’t know well at a kids party , I’d prob manage five if I liked the person, 1 if I didn’t,before circulating and finding those I know better.

really stunned the op is being abusive about it and thinks they should have sat with her, not allowed to talk to the others they knew and now wishes to shun them for it.

I completely recognise that horrible feeling of not having anyone to talk to. But also think it’s unlikely that every other person there is bitchy, some will feel too shy to approach you, some will feel awkward keeping the conversation going with someone they don’t know well (you) for an extended period of time, or want to chat to someone they know, or want to chat in a group and not 1-2-1. You’ve done well chatting to a couple of people, and it’ll be easier to join in a conversation with those same two in the playground if you liked chatting to them at the party.

I'm always baffled by these threads. Maybe they just preferred to talk to someone else, having made polite chit chat with you.

Some classes just have a different dynamic amongst the parents. My ds’ class was almost all the older/est child in the family and much friendlier because we were all doing ‘school’ for the first time. DD’s class were almost all younger/est children, everyone seemed to have friendship groups based on the older sibling and made much less effort to include others, it was very odd. Just persevere, stand and chat at drop off and pick up with different parents each time, until your dc really decides who their closer friends are, then make a point of inviting them over after school etc.

They were just moving to chat to people they know. It's not bitchy it's normal. Both times they talked to you for a whole. That's perfectly polite. It's not their job to look after you.

Just take a kindle the next time and get a coffee and relax. 😳

You know Dads don't worry about this.

I feel quite uncomfortable in group settings like this so really recognise your anxiety. But if I go to a party for my kids, I might smile & chat a bit to someone I don’t really know, but I’m really interested in catching up with my friends. I know that’s tough when you’re at the ‘making friends’ stage, but I’m on DC3 in primary school - I have done that.