How do I get my MIL to stop commenting on my sons accent?

[Insertpenguin]

I live with my husband and son in Essex where I have lived all my life. My husband is from Bristol but chose to moved to Essex of his own free will.

We see my in laws maybe twice a year. And it seems like every time we see them they make some sort of comment about my 5 year olds accident. And it’s not “awh his accents cute” it’s “no that’s not how you say that word you say it like this!” “Talk properly” “Who taught you to talk?? Have you been getting elocution lessons from enter cockney here”

Maybe I’m being needlessly sensitive? But my MIL has to comment on it every time and I don’t want him to think there’s something wrong with him. He’s obviously going to pick up an Essex accent because that’s what we all sound like except his dad.

So I know when we see them again she’ll do it again, how should I respond? I feel like I need to say something about it because it’s really annoying me now.

tbh I was mistaken to say this. It’s not a hard f like people usually mean by this it’s hardly at all noticeable

@Insertpenguin

I think 🤔 you need to take the mick out of her accent and see how she likes it

Even attempt to correct her saying something like its elocution classes,

tell her she is definitely not speaking Queens English.

See how that goes down with her

As a teen my well spoken parents constantly corrected my London accent
( wa’er ) and of course I took no notice whatsoever. However as I got older I changed it myself, so it’s never too late! Not sure I don’t prefer how I used to speak though 😆

Me too - f instead of th is not correct and it's setting him up for problems in the future re spelling etc. Everyone has a choice when it comes to accents and there is, in my opinion, no harm in pointing out errors in pronunciation if that is going to benefit a child in the long run.

I’ve tried to correctly myself here many times. He does NOT say FINK instead of think. I always repeat thing back to him correctly.

I lived in Essex from age 2-18 (one parent from Essex, one from east a London) and then moved to Bristol, still in South West now.

Both my parents were militant with pronunciation. They had no problem with an Essex accent, but would not tolerate dropping letters like T or the F v Th situation.

Granny is out of order, and if she has thick Bristol accent she probably puts L on the end of words ie Asdal, for Asda, or my favourite coronal virus.

Wind your neck in gran!👵🏻

This. My dh never stood up to mil when she was rude to me and then the kids. It's sets an incredibly low bar.

Tell him to have a word. Keep it short and factual and explain that if she can't respect you you will not want to be around her.

I'm from Kent so have the same accent. One wise friend said to me "people who judge on the way you talk are not worth your time".

Something like " when you say this, it makes me feel like this"

When you criticised my son it makes me feel like your more interested in a perfect version of him then the reality of who he is. Do you want him to be guarder around you as he grows up and not be comfortable to be himself? Then just say because that's how it's coming across. So if you don't mind I don't want to be having this conversation again with you. But from dh

I have no idea what this means

She's off her nut.

As if anyone growing up across the uk can just decide "fuck this accent I'd rather sound Mancunian"

I'd tell her her grandson can't exactly choose how he sounds when he speaks and that she stops it now or she's not getting invited back.

As long as it doesn't sound like that woman on the zoom ad on the radio where they're all logging in and saying "Afternoon!" and she says "Arrrrrfternoooooooon!!!!!" That would drive me to homicide

My sister has deliberately adopted a particular accent despite not coming from that area or being an accent otherwise in the family. We don't know why she has done this and before she had a child we just let her get on with it. But when she did have a child we were concerned about her saying "I done this today..." or "I could of done this.." or glottal stops, saying "free" when she means "three" etc because ultimately it's setting her child up for issues at school with spelling, grammar & phonics.

If your DC's pronunciation, grammar & spelling etc is fine at school OP then I wouldn't worry but I think it's unfair to let ungrammatical and spelling issues go if it's going to cause a child issues in their education.

I also think it's fine to say to your MiL that she ought to be using correct grammar & pronunciation in front of your DC!!

He’s excelling at reading and writing despite that he does all these things. He doesn’t say could of though

The bottom line is that’s it’s not ok for her to comment.
Try not seeing them…… make excuses to start with…… then tell them why, you’re upset, worried about your son etc…

Next time she mentions elocution lessons say Thankyou so much , they cost £45 per hour it is kind of you to offer , shall we set up a direct debit?

I grew up in the North as the child of southern parents who nagged me endlessly to pronounce words like bath, grass, path, the southern way. I ended up speaking the way they wanted but suffered from being mercilessly teased all through school. If your son is going to fit in easily then speaking like his friends is important. I hated the accent my own children picked up from the area where we lived when they were young. I didn't make any attempt to change the way they spoke.

I don't think "I done this today" is something I could turn a blind eye to. I know adults who still say this because they weren't corrected early on.

Oh I missed that one he doesn’t say that either

Oh god she sounds like my.mother! Reading this thread makes me realise I'm not just over reacting when she winds me up everytime she passes comment and takes the p*ss out of his northern accent. Hadn't even noticed it. He's 2 for goodness sake and is just learning to talk and with other kids and adults at nursery with local accents what else is gonna happen? Love the comment about...above setting up the direct debit for the elocution lessons 😂 I honestly don't care if he has an accent, I'd prefer the words that come out his mouth to be kind/honest etc.

I cannot stand it. I would not be able to let that go. It is not about accent. It is just wrong.

His sentence structure is fine. I didn’t see that part of the paragraph when I replied. He doesn’t say that.

Hi OP did you address this with your MIL and how did it go? I am having a similar issue with mine as my daughter has a Manchester accent and MIL with middle class southern accent is always making comments and correcting her. I have tried to subtly get her to stop but it hasn’t worked.