How do I get my MIL to stop commenting on my sons accent?

[Insertpenguin]

I live with my husband and son in Essex where I have lived all my life. My husband is from Bristol but chose to moved to Essex of his own free will.

We see my in laws maybe twice a year. And it seems like every time we see them they make some sort of comment about my 5 year olds accident. And it’s not “awh his accents cute” it’s “no that’s not how you say that word you say it like this!” “Talk properly” “Who taught you to talk?? Have you been getting elocution lessons from enter cockney here”

Maybe I’m being needlessly sensitive? But my MIL has to comment on it every time and I don’t want him to think there’s something wrong with him. He’s obviously going to pick up an Essex accent because that’s what we all sound like except his dad.

So I know when we see them again she’ll do it again, how should I respond? I feel like I need to say something about it because it’s really annoying me now.

Get him to say "gor blimey Mary Poppins! Apples an" Pears!" every time he sees her.

The "f" instead of "th" would really really grate on me though. I'm with her there.

It can grate on her but she still needs to keep it to herself.

The "f" instead of "th" would really really grate on me though. I'm with her there.

and me. I would be correcting that every time.

Next time she says something you should just say "oh does that mean you think that about me and my family too, given he talks the same as us"

She will probably be much less likely to do it again knowing anything she says to him applies to you. Adults say things to kids they wouldn't dream of saying to a grown adult.

It’s not very pronounced like it still sounds like th to mostly everyone it’s no like a really pronounced FINK. Tbh I hardly notice it at all but will notice it when people do it in a really pronounced way.

Your husband is her son.
He needs to stand up for his child. His mother is rude and overbearing.

If he won't, then give her a call ahead of her next visit and set out your expectations to her.
Or send her a text.

Tell her the comments are hurtful, jarring, and very grating, and you want them to stop.

I’m a northerner and my mothers family all east Enders, I use to get so much piss taken out of me as a child by my uncles and aunts. They use to teach me football chants about northerners to go back home with. It actually didn’t bother me, I learnt to give as much as I took. I did have siblings so it wasn’t just me. Teach him a few come backs and back him up when he uses them. The first thing my mother did was loose her cockney accent as soon as she left so I used this in my come backs.

But it isn’t their business if he isn’t pronouncing words in a way they like, it’s incredibly rude.
With the best will in the world if they have strong Bristolian accents pot and black come to mind.
Anyway - dh should be telling them in no uncertain terms to shut up.

I want to be on your side but since I spend my life telling my son not to say "f" instead of "th", and not to say "w" instead of "l", and not to drop the letter T, I sort of feel her pain. It is rude if you are standing right there and you speak like that though.

Thank you!! Yess!!

Anywhere but Brizzle really 😂😂

My little granddaughter has a very pronounced glottal stop, and sounds like someone out of Eastenders. And yes, it does bother me because it's almost as if she's unable to pronounce a medial t. She simply can't seem to do it now.

It's one thing to gather an accent as a teenager and code swap in different situations. But I don't think she'll be able to swap if the glottal stop is fixed at four years old. There are some accents that can potentially work against you as a professional adult, and I think this is one.

I've pretty much stopped trying to correct it though, and have never done so in front of the parent who has a (less strong) glottal stop.
I think it's her key worker at nursery that she's copied. But what can you do?

So yes, I get that the grandparent is probably concerned about his future, but like me, she's going to have to recognise that he's not her child, and her corrections are not going to make any difference.

Friends moved to Yorkshire. Their child went to the local primary in the village. They had an adorable Yorkshire accent. But queens English speaking granny was not amused.

They emigrated to USA and took on an American accent very quickly 😂

I would give her a piece of my mind OP, criticising a child about something like that could knock their confidence in a big way, just tell her to shut up.

Ha! I'm from the East Midlands, my late DH from Yorkshire. We moved down south where we had our children. When the kids reached 3 or 4, went to playgroup and started saying bah-th and grah-ss it was like we'd produced little aliens! It was really disconcerting!

Does your MIL have a strong accent or is it quite neutral? If she has a strong accent herself she's hardly in a position to comment, but if she doesn't your son's Essex accent will grate on her ears. I used to know a lot of people from Essex about 30 years ago and while many of them had a Londonish twang, hardly any did the "f" instead of "th" thing, so I think that's more recent. I'm sure not everyone in Essex says it either, it just makes people sound thick to be honest because it's actually wrong and their mouths are perfectly able to pronounce it properly. If he was my grandchild I certainly couldn't resist correcting that aspect or if he was using a glottal stop.

Well most people will have some kind of accent. I’m sure your mil has, but that doesn’t mean it’s the ‘right’ one. I like that we all sound different. The world would be a boring place if everyone was the same.

Exactly. It's going to stick with him

If you're anything like me, you'll just keep bottling up until one day you snap, whip around and sneer "do you know just how fucking rude you are, you arrogant little woman??".

Experience shows, it works

YES! I work with many lovely clever people with all kinds of accents. We're a multicultural society and that includes regional accents

@catonmyback - Essex isn’t that great either!

She has a very strong accent. Maybe I made a mistake saying he does f. He says th exactly like everyone around us and it’s not a really hard “f” it’s just not an over pronounced th. It’s really not noticeable at all.

If someone corrected my child’s accent every time he spoke, gp or not, they wouldn’t be seeing him. But then my parents wouldn’t have been so damn rude.

Before their next planned visit, a group text from you and DH to both of them:

‘Looking forward to seeing you guys on Saturday, but we want to make something clear: if you comment on our son’s accent or correct his speech at all we will have to stop the visits for a while until we all understand that’s not ok. We really want to see you though so hope you are ok with that!’

I as with you until this. It really is wrong.