20 month old has never slept through the night

[Ellebel]

Hi all. I am really starting to get down about my sons sleep. At nearly 20 months old and we have had maybe 5 times ever he has slept a solid 10 hours. Most of the time he still wakes around twice a night, often more. I always blame it on regressions... Teeth etc etc but at this point as every other baby I know from NCT etc is a pro at sleep most of the time I am starting to really question what to do.

His current schedule (which is dictated by nursery but kept to mostly on weekends-
-Wakes anywhere between 5am- 6:30am.
-Breakast 8am.
-Lunch 11:30am
Nap 12:15/30pm, lasts between 1.5- 2.5 hours, at which point we wake him
Dinner 5:30pm
Bedtime 7pm (bedtime routine has been the same since tiny, bath, bottle (220mls) bed. He can fall asleep straight away or sing to himself for an hour, but we rarely have to go in and settle him.

Night wake times very, can start at 10pm, or 12am or 2am, there is pretty much always one around 4am. We have tried- shh patt, timed visits to calm him and simply leaving him ( I tend to cave after around one hour because he is just getting more and more upset). Eventually we end up giving milk, and I know this is causing a problem. It is watered down to the point where the last bottle if he has mulitiple of a night is basically water.

Is the only way I can get him to sleep through to do full blown cry it out? I have never wanted to as I hate the idea and from times of semi trying feel like he will just cry all night, but I am reaching a point of desperation where I am not sure what else to do!

Many thanks for any advice x

Sorry but I agree this is normal. I have friends who's babies sleep through, but I think they all sleep trained early on. 2 babies in and I don't care where I sleep as long as I sleep. 4yo has a double bed and 2yo has cots set up in 2 rooms. It's musical beds at night as 4yo regularly "wants a grown up with him" if he wakes up overnight. 2yo occasionally sleeps through till 4.30ish but usually wakes at 11 and 2 and is more concerned with comfort/ cuddles than milk, so cutting the bottles might not help. It gets better, 4yo's sleep is much better than it was a couple of years ago. We've found divide and conquer is key, I'm better at night wakes, hubby is an early bird so I deal with most night wakes and he does from 5am while I sleep. Good luck!

Ours was like this until 20 months, after which point I stopped giving any milk at night, only water. He got over it fairly quickly and has slept through the night since, other than a few times when he’s been unwell. He’s 2.5 now so he’s been consistent for almost a year.

My 4 year old on the other hand, who had slept 7-7 from around 10 month started waking up multiple times a night at around the same time the toddler started sleeping through. I just co sleep with her now, can’t be doing getting out of bed in the middle of the night anymore.

My DD didn't sleep through until 3 and a half. I thought of it like a skill like walking that would eventually come and it did. My son isn't sleeping more than 2 hours at nearly 5 though and it's hard! We do rapid return each time he wakes but it doesn't impact it at all. He doesn't cry, just wakes, we walk him back to bed silently and he goes back to sleep, rinse and repeat every hour or so.

My 20 month old is the same and hasn't ever slept through. We moved her from her cot at 16 months and she has a double bed in her room now (initially a floor bed but now a low bed frame) so that when she does wake, we can just jump in with her. I couldn't face doing cry it out and actually the more I've spoken to people, the more I've realized how common it is!

My son only started sleeping through the night at 4.5 years old where I gave up and put a double bed in his room, put him to sleep on one side (with a side security thing) and I got into the other side at my bedtime.
But I do have some pointers - dream feed him at 3.30am ie pick him up asleep touch the bottle to his lip and his reflex will suck - that will help you get out of the 4am waking.

I think he’s falling into a deep sleep at night hence the waking up - all points to him being over tired. Push his nap back to later in the afternoon.

get yourself some cranial oesto for him to calm nerves

The only thing that jumps out from your post is that he doesn’t eat as often as mine did at that age. I gave breakfast as soon as awake, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack, bedtime milk. Until mine were 18 months I also did an 11pm dream feed as otherwise they woke in the night.
I would try to up the daytime calories and then only offer water in the night.
I would also be fairly relaxed about him getting in your bed if awake in the night for another year at least.

I'd restrict the nap to 1 hour and feed them up well during day so no milk at night. Good luck! And is all normal!

I don't think I can be much help, my only thought is did you keep him in your room too long so he hasn't learned to be alone. Did you maybe go to him too soon as a very young baby so now he expects it. My DS went in his own room at 6wks old and has slept through from 9pm to 9/10am since 8wks old, his day time naps stopped at around 19mo. He's never been allowed to sleep in our bed and other than when he is poorly he sleeps 10hrs a night. (7yrs now).

I don't think the nap is necessarily the problem. My youngest child didn't sleep through the night until she was almost 4. My other children all slept through at various ages between a 12 months and 24 months.

Obviously always worth experimenting with naps etc but sometimes I think you get a sleeper, sometimes you don't. DC1 was around 4 before she slept through. DC2 is only 15 months and sleeps through beautifully. I swear we're haven't done anything notably different and there's no magic trick!

😔there’s always someone from the Stone Age coming on to give advice that contravenes today’s safety guidelines.

Children's sleep doesn't settle until they are 2. Be patient. Don't expect too much (I realise it is hard!)

I honestly think some babies are good sleepers and some aren’t. I have 9 yo twins. I had a really strict routine from birth and they just never slept through. They went down like a dream but they’d always wake two, three or more times a night until well into year one of primary. And they used to get up at 5. (And I never actually got up; I used to bring them into bed with me and silently weep at the death of sleep). In good news, they now sleep through until at least 8 if allowed to. My sister’s twins were great sleepers but crap eaters. My two have always wolfed down anything placed in front of them. It’s just the luck of the draw (within the parameters of doing the right things!)

I had the exact problem until 2.5 years old, I spoke to the HV she basically explained the bottle at bed meant my child didn’t know how to fall to sleep without it, so during the night going from deep sleep to light sleep/ awake they would need the milk to fall back to sleep.

for us they still had milk but downstairs after bath but not in bed, I then had a week of laying on bedroom floor to fall asleep then again in the night, don’t get me wrong it was so difficult but a week of shit nights has given us so far months of sleep now

My daughter is 7 and has never slept through the night 😭

I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and they wake in the night. Just very briefly to check I’m there - I am - we co-sleep. When they have got close to sleeping through they have historically woken up really early, so be careful what you wish for. I’d always rather one short wake up and straight back to sleep than being ready and raring to go at 5am.

Also I’ve never been any good at capping naps. Can’t stand a cranky half asleep baby who just wants to be held and go back to sleep. Proper restful nap and go with the flow on the evening/night is motto. Not everyone’s cup of tea but go with the flow that works best for you and try to avoid comparisons.

Nearly 18 months and doesn’t sleep through, always ends up in my bed…. I’m just rolling with it second baby I’m too busy/tired to be uP and down all night re settling so if he wants to sleep with me most of the night then so be it at least we get a good nights sleep

@Ellebel have you considered switching milk to a cup? I find the sucking motion is often what kids are more reliant on to help aid sleep.
offer milk in a cup before bed and if he wakes offer milk in a cup again (not watered down). In a way you can then see if it’s hunger or if it is the sucking motion.

At 20 months I had similar only a handful of nights slept through and i had friends whose babies slept through the night and I was so jealous and so tired. I think for me routine was they key ... i think sleep training is worth having another go. Dropping the milk. Maybe changing the time of going to bed. But like with any change you cant expect things to change overnight. And its really hard when you are tired to just give in . But thats ok. Do what you need to to get sleep. Its just a phase, it will pass . I slept on a mattress next to her cot for a number of months . It worked, we both slept.
Next issue was side of cot taken off ... ended up putting a gate across her door.
Then had some co sleeping
Now shes in her bed everynight rarely wakes . Had this for about 6 weeks so far 🤞
Bought a grow clock
Consistant bed time
Altering bed time
Naps pretty much gone

Hope some of this helps.

Remember you are not alone and you will get through this

I had similar feelings to you when all my NCT friends babies had started sleeping through before they turned one and some far earlier than that! I thought, what am I doing wrong and will they ever sleep through?! I just had to hang in there a bit longer (didn’t sleep train). My first started sleeping through regularly aged 24 months and my second aged 2.5. It is very hard waiting I know. Now mine are 6 and 3 and both very good sleepers so there is hope!

I would never wake a sleeping baby, let him nap as long as he needs. Sleep breeds sleep.

My elder grandson woke up every single night until he was almost 4. My DD and SiL felt liked zombies they were so tired. He does have ADHD though so maybe why. He's up at 6 every morning too and had bags of energy.

This.
Both our DDs went into their own rooms at 4 weeks old. DD1 slept through the night from 7 weeks old. DD2 slept through from 9 weeks.
DD1 never woke at night unless she was ill. DD2 would maybe wake a few times one night a month.
They never slept on our bed. Both BF until 1 year old.
Just as well as I was back working FT when they were 3 and 4.5 months old. This was in the late 90s when maternity leave was short if you had less than 2 years service.

Absolutely this. It's a red herring - the nap is not the issue here, so the last thing I'd be doing is reducing their chance at getting some sleep. My 3 year old can still nap for 2.5 hours, so a 20 month old developmentally needs a decent chunk of day sleep. When/if they sleep through is a different question and at 20 months, given the strength of your routine, unfortunately I'm not sure there's much you can do but wait it out (and stop worrying about what other people's kids are doing!)