Toddler saying "daddy stomps on me"

[pbdr]

I have a 2.5 year old daughter with my husband who is an absolute joy and the light of both of our lives.
In the past few weeks she has taken to saying "I'm scared of daddy", and when I press her on why she says "daddy stomps on me". On one occasion she also said that daddy stomps on mummy. Today she said "daddy hurts me" but didn't seem able to elaborate any further.

The thing is, my husband and I have been together for 17 years, since we were at school, and he is an absolute golden retriever of a man. He is gentle and calm, and in all the time we've been together I've never seen him act remotely aggressively or lose his temper. It's one of the things that made me fall in love with him. He is absolutely besotted with his little girl, and other than these statements she also seems to be besotted with him. He's never do much as raised his voice at her.

He does do sort of rough play with her, like tossing her onto the sofa, or dangling her upside down by her ankles, but while he's doing this she is giggling and squealing with excitement, and saying "Again! Again!" so I'm quite sure he's not scaring her. She doesn't act at all scared of him, and will happily be left alone with him or go out with him on her own.

I can tell he's starting to feel quite sad about the whole thing but he's not really sure what to do. I also don't know how to respond to her, because I'm certain what she's saying isn't true, but I would always want her to disclose if someone was hurting her, so I don't want to just shut it down. She's due to start nursery in October though and I cant pretend I'm not a bit anxious about her going in and claiming she gets stomped on at home.

Any advice appreciated.

My dad used to turn me upside-down and hang me over bridges, throw me around. I was terrified. Laughing is a panic response. I still get anxious when I remember it.

Him stomping on you? Hurting you? Could she have walked in on you having sex? Children can interpret that as violence.

She asks him to do it, and says "Again, again!". He's usually the one who needs to end the game because his arms get too tired.

She's never walked in on us having sex. I honestly can't think of anything which she could have perceived as him hurting me. I'm pretty baffled by the whole thing.

It could have been a dream or something. Maybe she saw something on tv and it got jumbled up in a dream. These things pass over very quickly when there’s no basis to them. It’s highly unlikely she’ll still be saying it in October.

She's 2.5, they say all sorts of random shit and don't understand what they are saying.

If you trust your partner, ask him about it? Maybe it's a game they have been playing together.

I think there's better ways of playing with your toddler than hanging them upside down and throwing them on the sofa. I suggest he stops that for a while and see if her comments stop. She might not have the vocabulary to say what she means and she might not be quite enjoying the rough play as you both think .

I would put more thought into finding out what is going on for her than worrying about nursery staff.

Jesus Christ @TheLightSideOfTheMoon how scary for you.

It's a difficult one with tots, my son would say to people I put him in the oven. I promise you I didn't but probably due to reading him too many fairy tales.

Tough one 🥺

you need to find out what she means by ' stomping ' - at her age it could be something else entirely/

I've tried asking her what exactly she means but I'm not sure if she maybe just doesn't have the language yet to articulate it more clearly because she just repeats it. My husband has wracked his brains and also struggles to come up with anything that she could be referring to.

Maybe he should just stop the rough play just in case. It seems a shame because she regularly asks to play her favourites and seems to have a great time, but if it's possibly resulting in her saying things like this then it perhaps just needs to stop.

I would start by having a conversation with your husband first he might be upset to hear your daughter has said these comments. It is probably a good idea for him to take a step back from the rough play, dangling her upside down might be hurting her ankles for example but is masked by the laughter.

Sorry just seen you've already spoken to him about it, yes I think that's a good idea to stop it . She's at an age where it come mean anything.

Sorry I should have included in the OP that we have spoken about it several times, and both of us have tried gently asking her about it to see if we can get any more information, but she just repeats the same thing so no more light is shed.
I think you're all right. No more rough play, at least until she's old enough to be able to discuss these sorts of things in clearer detail.

Can she show you what daddy does to her?

With a teddy or doll?

That's a good idea Greyat, I haven't tried asking her that so next time she mentions it I'll see if she can demonstrate.

Have you asked her to show you? She might not be able to explain but could show you. Ask her to stomp on you or a teddy? And see what she does. Use a toy to help as if it's just the hanging upside down thing she will be able to show that with a toy.

Does she know the word 'stomping'? for example do you talk about stomping in puddles or do the actions to the Billy Goats stomping over the troll bridge? I'm wondering if she thinks stomping means something else?

The word 'stomp' is very particular! If she can demonstrate with a teddy as suggested she might mean something COMPLETELY different!
The fact that she plays happily with her Dad and volunteers for 'rough and tumble' would make me think it is not something to worry about... more 'lost in translation'!
Keep us updated!☺

She knows "if you're happy and you know it stomp your feet" and will do the correct action so I think she does know what stomping is

But it's stamp in the song isn't it?

Kids say mad stuff at this age. The more attention you give it, the more she's going to say it. I wouldn't bring it up, if she says it again I'd not react and steer the conversation towards something else.

Just trying to think like a toddler, when she says daddy is doing these things, could she mean someone else? Like a grandparent or family friend?

My nephew started telling everyone I put him on fire recently - I'd let him blow out some spare birthday candles a few times. It got quite the reaction at nursery 😂

Hopefully it's a similar confusion - tbh if she's saying he also stomps on you and doesn't, it's potentially a confusion / miscommunication or something she's dreamt!

I think it was about this age that my child told nursery that I locked her in a cupboard. Twice. They had to formally note it any everything, even as they told us that they didn't have any concerns. I have no idea where she got that from!

Has he ever accidentally stood on her foot, or even one of her toys? Toddlers can be over dramatic when they describe thing. I once stepped back into DS when I didn't know he was behind me, but to his mind I had pushed him over.

which country are you in ? as in the song it is ' stamp ' if you are in England or Scotland.

' stomp ' to me would be a USA expression, except for ' he stomped off ' i.e. he walked off in a huff