Husband wants to give money to nephew in will

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We are writing our wills and husband wants some money to go to his nephew. We have our own son and I don't think we will ever have enough money for him to have a super comfortable life (we're pretty solidly middle class). I could understand giving nephew money if we were loaded, but it seems unfair to our son to be giving his inheritance to his cousin (whose parents are in fact wealthier than we are). Kids are both under 3 so it's not like he has a particular bond with nephew.

He says it's a nice thing to do - should I argue for our son or am I being over the top & this is a normal family dynamic (it wouldn't be that much money either way).

As a precentage, is he talking about a significant amount of money (which is wrong imo), or just enough for him to treat himself to something to remember his uncle by?

YANBU In the first place everything should go to you and your son is next in line.

It seems bizarre especially as his parents are wealthy! I don't suppose for one minute they would consider leaving anything to your son?

I’ve got a little bit for each of my nieces and nephews in my will. I just think it’s a nice thing to do and something that is my decision.

It depends on the amount of money for me.

DH’s sister left our kids £5k each in her will, so £15k out of her estate in total. I don’t know how much she had in general but she was pretty well off & her son inherited her house etc. It was a really meaningful gift from her - she wrote them each a letter with it too.

My father left money to all his nieces and nephews - maybe £500 I can't quite remember. And he had about 30 of them.
It didn't bother me, I thought it was a nice thing to do . I was a student at the time so not well off myself. I don't think this is your business

I wouldn't be happy with this either, OP. I doubt his relatives will leave anything to your son, so why complicate it.

I think a token amount is a nice thought but I would argue against any significant amount.

YABU. It is his will. He has testamentary freedom to leave what he wants to who he wants.

Agree this is all about amounts. If it's enough for nephew to have a holiday or buy himself something nice to remember his uncle by, fine. It if he's talking 5 or 10% or more of his estate, absolutely no way whatsoever.

You could always name the nephew as a main beneficiary if you, DH and your DC all die simultaneously eg a plane crash.

It depends how much. If your son is getting the lions share, then I think leaving some relatively small sum to a nephew is fine.

I think it is nice. As long as you aren't talking about a significant proportion. If he wants to leave his nephew a few thousand that's his choice. If you are 'solidly middle class' 🫣 then you are probably leaving your DS a few hundred thousand which is plenty and will help keep inequality alive and well.

Depends how much. 25% of estate, no. A couple of thousand pounds, yes, that would be a lovely thought.
I should add, the average age to inherit anything in the UK is 61 so likely they will be already old before they see a penny.

Well firstly your son may get nothing- inheritance isn’t guaranteed you could both end up in nursing homes. So what your son /nephew end up with could be much less than you’d hoped.

Is it a small token gesture or if not, how much?

It’s not something I’d consider to be honest. If we were very close, I’d more likely set some cash aside. The thought of my child having to sell up in order to dish money out to wealthy relatives seems wrong.

It’s joint money- I think your DH should set cash aside now if that’s what he wants to do.

Also, if you're begrudging a clearly loved family member a couple of thousand pounds out of an estate worth hundreds of thousands, you just sound really miserly.

You’re being a bit of a dick, OP. It’s fine for your DH to leave money to people he cares about. My mum left money to my cousins because she loved them. I don’t feel remotely hard done by as a result.

I would argue for your son. Will his auntie and uncle be leaving money to him?

I’d think it was fair enough if everyone involved was an adult, but your child is a toddler. I adore my niece and nephew, but if something were to happen to me or DH whilst they were minors I would want to make sure every penny went towards making the kids as financially secure as possible. I would put this to him and see what his thoughts are. He can always revise the will when your kids reach majority/leave uni or whatever.

While the kids are kids everything here is going to the spouse. If he died next month wouldnt he want all the money to go to you as a new widow to raise your joint child? Once the kids are adults then is the time for a rethink!

I would not be happy with this unless your DH is absolutely loaded.

Our will writer warned against this as she pointed out that if you put, say, £10K to a nephew, then if when you die your estate has been spent on care home fees, the nephew walks off with £10K and the closer relative actually gets less.

She also pointed out that you can and should rewrite your will as your circumstances and preferences change.

At your stage of life surely you should just have mirror wills leaving everything to each other as the surviving parents will be bringing up small children alone.

Yanbu he's probably just getting a buzz from feeling like a magnanimous uncle rather than thinking about it sensibly. Your nephew will inherit from his parents. A token amount may be nice but if there's other kids coming into the mix later then it'd have to be evened out and it's not worth the aggro. Keep it simple and leave things to each other and your own kid(s).

It depends how much it is. I have left some money to nieces and nephews. I remember an aunt left me something and I was very touched by the gesture.

At the end of the day though it's his will. His choice.

My parents avoided leaving to a charity in their will specifically because of the pressure on the executors to administrate the smaller bequests. They are big charity givers in life but don't want to put extra stress on me and my brother when they die. And we aren't relying on their money, time, or efforts month by month to raise our children, presumably your husband dying will result in a loss of household income or increase in expenditure. You don't leave money to a toddler with living and able parents and shortchanged the sole surviving parent of your own children. If you both die, that's even worse! Someone else will need to support your kids.

What pressures? Sounds like they just didn't want to leave to charity. OP's husband has the freedom to leave to whoever he likes in his will.

His will, his choice. Equally you are free to leave your money to who you choose.

The biggest issue is if the sister went on to have more kids because I would imagine he would then add further young relatives. If it’s a token amount that’s fine.

Plus and this is the only downside for me in marriage is if you are not last man or woman standing then it becomes part of the surviving spouses money who may then remarry, does anyone know how to protect to ensure it goes to your joint child?