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Original poster

Please tell me there are other out there with 3yrs plus children who ARENT trained?

39 replies

HarrogateMum · 28/03/2008 15:15

My DTs are 3.4. DT2 was potty trained at 2.11 but DT1 resolutely refuses. I have tried about 5 times now but he just gets upset, cries and I am getting to the end of my tether with it. It just feel so OLD to still be in nappies and I am sure the ladies at the nursery where they go think this as well (he is well known for his rather toxic nappies......)

The other day I sat him on the toilet and he told me he was scared of it (the loo), he never volunteers to wear pants, but if you ask him if he wants to wear them, says yes and then promptly wees or poos in them.

He doesnt tell me if he has done a poo in his nappy so its as though he still isnt aware of it. He has never done anything in the potty, ever.

Should I just leave it, or should I really take the bull by the horns and give him no choice......so confused!

OP posts:

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mckenzie · 28/03/2008 15:21

for what it's worth (and I'm no expert just going by gut feeling) I would back off completely and try again in a months time. We have been having this exact conversation at lunchtime today as my friends DS is 3 and a half and showing no signs of being out of nappies, however hard she tries to tempt him.

It's easy for me to say but I would try very hard not to let it become an issue. They make nappies big enough to fit him don't they so he can't be the only one.
Please don't think it is a reflection of your parenting skills or in some way a bad thing. And forget about the other ladies at nursery. I bet your DS has somehting he's really good at - try and focus on that.
Best wishes.

coastalmum · 28/03/2008 15:21

At the nursery where I work its not unusual for some of the children in the 3-4 class to still be potty training.

I'm a great believer in child led potty training. Leave it a while, give yourselves a break. I sure DT1 will want big pants like his friends soon.

I always say that you don't see many kids going to school in nappies.

Mercy · 28/03/2008 15:23

I didn't start training my ds until he was 3.5. He wasn't keen on the potty so we went straight to the toilet (standing). Fortunately he got it in a matter of days - but he's just turned 4 and has yet to do a poo in the toilet

Are your twins both boys ?

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Original poster

HarrogateMum · 28/03/2008 15:29

yes they are both boys.....

Thanks for all your comments/suggestions so far! I am starting to feel a bit better - its just the raised eyebrows when I tell people he is still not trained - why do people DO THAT!!

OP posts:

ThingOne · 28/03/2008 15:33

DS1 wasn't reliable until well after 3 1/2, maybe 3 nine months. I blocked it out now but several of his friends were similarly unwilling. He still won't use a proper loo at 4yr 3mo.

ThingOne · 28/03/2008 15:33

DS1 wasn't reliable until well after 3 1/2, maybe 3 nine months. I blocked it out now but several of his friends were similarly unwilling. He still won't use a proper loo at 4yr 3mo.

coastalmum · 28/03/2008 15:39

Harrogatemum - people do the raised eyebrow thing because they're so insecure about their own parenting that they enjoy making other mum's paranoid. Ignore it.

As Mckenzie said I'm sure DT1 is fantastic at other things. There's so many things for children to learn, he's probably decided potty training is one that can wait while he's learning something more fun

maymee · 29/03/2008 15:12

Have just joined mumsnet and so relieved to see that I am not the only one with a 3yr in nappies. We tried her last year and it didn't work and I am gearing up to try next week when she is not at playgroup.

Everyone is right though it will come when they are ready and the more we worry the more they worry so forget about it and smile

sarah293 · 29/03/2008 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

annemarie29 · 29/03/2008 15:18

ds2 still isn't out of nappies neither is my nephew. ds2 is 3 and my nephew is nearly 4!

TotalChaos · 29/03/2008 15:20

DS didn't start until he was 3.5, completely uninterested and probably unable. I would leave it a month or two as others suggest. He may well go straight to the toilet - DS used to be terrified, but then at 3.4 he started to want to copy me - so would sit on toilet, flush and wash hands without producing, which a month or so later turned into him weeing on the toilet.

beckystaffs · 31/03/2008 22:26

my dd1 is 3.5 and still in "pull ups". we have tried and had several wees, but no poos. She has even asked to have her nappy back on- and them promptly had a poo. She will go 13/14 hours without doing anything- so with the HV's advice we haven't tried again for a couple of months.
I do feel bad though when I tell people.

policywonkBAHons · 31/03/2008 22:30

I'll join the club. DS2 is 3.2 and hasn't got the hang of it at all. I'm trying not to stress about it - I forced his older brother to train before he was ready, and he took ages to train and is very reluctant and neurotic about using the toilet still (at 5.2), so I've got good reason to hold off - don't want to make the same mistake twice.

madamez · 31/03/2008 22:32

No no no you are not alone - and there is hope. DS is 3.6 and only just trained - in our case, I was getting nowhere so the nursery staff suggested that they give it a try as one of his best friends was also about to start training. Nursery has little kid-sized loos as well as potties, and DS had long been intrigued by the loo in every way but the most important one.
Anyway, he weed 5 times in their loo on the first day but requested a nappy or a pull up at home (would wear pants for nursery), gradually pull ups started staying dry, now he has been in pants at day time for over a week. Mind you he weed while sitting on my lap yesterday [growly emoticon]. We are nearly there - in his case he was never interested in potties and has never used one but likes the loo.

snorris · 31/03/2008 22:34

My dt's were in nappies until they were over 3 (partly to do with me being a little too laid back ). It was actually dh who bit the bullet and it was less than a fortnight before they were both out of nappies. I can honestly say neither of them have had an "accident". They are nearly 5 now and only just out of nappies at night.

AnnieAreYouOkAreYouOkAnnie · 31/03/2008 22:41

I'm glad to read this thread, I was starting to fret about DS too, he will be 3 in two weeks time. He has no interest at all, won't even sit on the potty, or on the toilet, and goes away into his room to do a poo and then denies it!
Strange, as DD (20 months) is quite vocal about her poos, and is much more ready to use the potty. I just tried her for a laugh to try and encourage DS. She's nowhere near trained either (as I would have expected) but she's a lot better at it than her brother.

I guess they're all different, and I'm glad to see there is still hope!

I think we are going to get one of those seats for the loo next, to see if that helps at all.

Good luck!

AnnieAreYouOkAreYouOkAnnie · 31/03/2008 22:41

Am a bit to read the 'norm' is 4 though. But there you go!

sarah293 · 01/04/2008 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

HarrogateMum · 01/04/2008 09:45

thank god there are others out there, I was starting to feel like the only one!!

OP posts:

allywilson · 04/04/2008 13:42

My dd 3.11 is dry during the day and night with no accidents went straight to the loo and never used a potty but still absolutely point blank refuses to do a poo on the loo - will insist on a nappy to poo in. Hubby is horrified and keeps pushing for us to refuse to put one on I am having daily battle to say it'll come when she's ready. I hope to God I'm right!

NorthernLurker · 04/04/2008 13:48

dd1 was 3.5. When she decided to do it she did it very quickly - night and day. Dd2 was younger 2.5 ish I think - but took another year at least to be dry at night.

serenity · 04/04/2008 13:54

DS1 wasn't trained until he was 3.8, and even then we only did it because he was due to start Nursery the following month. We threw caution to the winds and just went cold turkey, and luckily for us he picked it up very quickly (within a week) he never shown any desire to stop using nappies, but from the speed of it he must have been ready - just unwilling!

hattyyellow · 04/04/2008 16:17

Harrogatemum I have twins too - potty training twins is sooo hard! My girls are 2.8 and so many of their peers seem to have been potty trained for ages. We started again yesterday putting them into pants/stocking up on stickers/smarties and they just don't seem to get it at all..

I'm not sure whether this is because they're so used to having a nappy on and just going in their nappy..I don't know if they're suddenly going to click..they don't even seem to mind being wet! Tearing my hair out and the forecast of snow for the weekend doesn't help one bit! Had thought with the beautiful spring weather coming that it would be easier with less layers/drying clothes outside etc..

yomellamoHelly · 04/04/2008 16:22

My ds1 was 3.9 when I potty-trained him. He did it in a matter of days and I'm really glad I saved myself the months of grief my friends who "trained" their los much earlier endured. Intend to leave it equally late with ds2. Leave your dt to it I think.

rainbowdays · 05/04/2008 14:29

I had my son in pants from around age 2, and he did not get the idea of toilet training until age 4 years 4 months, I went through the torture of trying every trick in the book and still ended up with all the extra cleaning and washing.

My daughter is now 3 years 5 months and although dry during the day, still does poo in pants. I am refusing to get stressed about it this time, but not going back to nappies.

The good thing was that my son at 4 years 8 months suddenly told us that he did not need a nighttime nappy. I went with his lead and he had not had any accidents since then at night either. So I think going with the childs lead is much easier.

I think I have become immune to the raised eyebrows and aren't they late in training comments.

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