Nursery keeps complaining about my nonverbal child

[Mummymummama]

Hello mms,
I need some mummy advice. My 2 1/2 year old son’s nursery complains that he does not want to sleep, runs around the room and screams. He seems to like nursery and walks straight in.

Almost everyday I pick him up from nursery I get complaints. I wake him up at 6am just so he could sleep at nursery, sometimes he does and sometimes not. I have arranged to see a health visitor and he would be starting speech therapy soon. However it’s so stressful hearing how he behaved almost everyday.

Unfortunately I am studying full time so he has to attend nursery five days. I am looking forward to finishing in June so that I could change his nursery or shorten his days. How can I cope till then.

Is it just when he's meant to be sleeping that he runs round screaming, OP?

Have they suggested any additional needs? Non verbal and running around screaming sounds a little behind developmentally.

It's hardly your fault if he won't sleep at nursery. That's a typical age to stop naps anyway.

Maybe ask for a meeting so you're on the same page about what they expect.

Why are they insisting he needs to nap at nursery? So much so that you're waking him early. That's bizarre.

Both mine stopped daytime sleep at 18 months. There is no way they would've slept at 2.5! Surely the nursery must cater for those children who no longer nap?

Well many 2.5 year olds don't nap. Mine started to drop naps then and never slept at nursery at that age. Occasionally at home. They shojls be making alternative care provision for non-nappers which may address some of the runni g around issue if at sleep time.

Non verbal wise you're addressing that with your health visitor. What exactly are their concerns other than the running around screaming?

They have suggested additional needs. The applied to have him on the local authority’s SEN list but were told that they needed to have more observations, so are doing so now. The strange thing is he does not scream or run around at home and can sit and concentrate on activities.

They are concerned that he does not want to sit down during circle time and when it’s time to sit down to do an activity he tends to run around. It happens mostly during the day as when I come to pick him up he is always sitting and playing with a toy. Now they have gotten to the habit of putting him in the baby room or preschool room when he screams too much.

I would suggest to them that he doesn’t nap at nursery and goes in with the other non mappers at this time.

The nursery wants all the toddlers to sleep. I feel like it’s a staff issue as I went to view another nursery and they said the same thing.

My child didn’t sleep at nursery at that age. Lots of them didn’t.

If I were you I wouldn’t wake him up at 6am on the off chance that he naps at nursery. Let him get as much sleep as he needs overnight.

Where do you live OP? I know that enforced nap times in nurseries are a thing in America

I live in London, UK

I feel like surely they can't enforce nap times to get round staffing issues... are you sure that's why they're doing it? I don't think my son would much like it if someone told him to sleep at a certain time at nursery. He's 2 and a half and doesn't nap on his nursery days, sometimes naps at home if he needs it.

You say he doesn't behave this way at home. Do you have any concerns other than his speech from what you see at home? Do you have concerns about the nursery he's attending?

I have concerns about the nursery my son is attending only because they complain about him sleeping, screaming and disturbing the other children. Unfortunately all the nurseries I’ve visited had been really terrible. My only concern is that he does not seem to like transitions. For example we went to the zoo on Saturday and a child wanted a turn on a fire truck. He screamed so loudly and tried to bite me when I took him off. It was so embarrassing

He is quite possibly completely overwhelmed. If he is non verbal then surely his behaviour is his way of communicating? I'd be seeking a better setting for your child who is quite likely to have a SEN diagnosis. My son was very much the same but was diagnosed with autism by 3 years old.

I have concerns about the nursery my son is attending only because they complain about him sleeping, screaming and disturbing the other children.

Not sleeping - is normal. My CM was shocked when she got a child that still had naps at 3.5 At the nursery my DD also attended they didn't expect or force all the children to nap.

Screaming - he can't talk so how else is he going to attempt to communicate?

Disturbing other children - Ask them what exactly do they mean?

Lots of children don't nap at that age I would tell them to stop trying!

Can't sit still - again quite normal for two year olds to have a short attention span, does it matter? They could try giving him a toy or fidgets to distract him but I think they are being overly optimistic

Screaming- clearly because he's frustrated and can't communicate.

Have you been referred to salt? Has hv done 2 year assessment?

Nursery doesn't sound great but maybe after June you can reduce him to a shorter day. Or look else where!

I understand thet this is distressing to glhear OP, but they need to tell u. It must be stressful and unsettling for the other kids too if he is running around screaming.

My daughter gradually stopped napping between 2.5 and 3. She was one of the younger ones in her room and stopped sleeping a nursery before she stopped at home. As long as she got 2 naps a week she was ok.

I think the naps are a bit of a red herring. I would focus on the other bits they raise and let him wake up when he wants / when is reasonably for nursery rather than waking him at 6 for nursery days.

I think you should find a new nursery. This is not great. You can't force your child to sleep and they shouldn't be making it your problem.

No nursery I’ve used or known of demand naps, plenty of 2 yr olds don’t nap and it’s respected

@Mummymummama when you say non verbal, do you mean he doesn't even babble? Does he have any words? What is his eye contact like? Is he easy to get to sleep at home? I'm asking as I do detect possible SEN and they just might not be cut out for that.

He says about 12 words. He says up when climbing up stairs, baby, mummy, dog, apple etc. it’s strange but the nursery has never heard him talk. He has good eye contact, likes role play but always acted strange when at children’s centres from since he was a baby so stopped taking him. He tends to fall asleep at 9:30 religiously unless he spends a day outdoors after which he can sleep by 8pm.

Is that non verbal then? Seems he is communicating. And you don't have any issues with him at home, just in more crowded environments?

Do they have an app where the post the sort of things he has been learning and playing each day?