My 2.5 years toddler keep saying NO and opposite of what he wants

[Kaizen92]

Hi,

I'm worried about something regarding my 2.5-year-old toddler. He speaks a lot but often says "No" repeatedly.
Another concern is that when he wants something, he'll say, "No, I don't want that." Then when we acknowledge his choice and say, "Okay, you don't want it, we won't give it to you," he starts crying uncontrollably. For instance, if he wants milk, he'll say, "I don't want milk," repeatedly. Despite our response, he continues to cry, insisting, "No milk." This behavior occurs frequently, especially regarding milk, which he loves, particularly before bedtime.
I practice gentle parenting and prefer not to resort to actions that might scare him. Instead, I try to explain to him that he needs to express his desires clearly.
I'm concerned whether this behaviour indicates a disorder or if it's entirely normal. As parents, what should we do?

Anybody else toddler around this age does the same?

https://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/why-your-toddlers-no-phase-is-so-important-and-how-to-survive-it/

I feel like it's pretty normal for toddlers to say 'no' to everything.

Does it help if you say things like 'do you want your milk in this cup or this cup?' ?

Sometimes toddlers just be crazy.

Toddlers are deffo crazy! They love saying no, and no doesn't always mean no 😅

No is a marvellous word that always gets a reaction. He is too little to fully understand the meaning and consequences. You need to rephrase and think about how you communicate with a small person who is only just starting to use language.
Giving toddlers too many choices/ decisions can be overwhelming.

Sounds like he’s just being 2! I do feel with gentle parenting sometimes things can be over-explained and over-negotiated. I don’t think the only alternative is to scare him, I don’t know where you’ve got that from. Surely a normal response is to be breezy and just say ok, no thank you for milk! And then if he kicks off for milk it’s silly billy, milk please! And just give it to him. And then if he’s like mine, he’s so contrary he’ll probably throw it and then cry about that. They don’t know what they want

I think No is the first frequently used word in the toddler dictionary. It’s part of asserting their sense of autonomy and self for the first time. Often they have a problem with comprehension and the difference between yes/no, me/you etc. So in response to the question, “Do you want more milk?”, you might get the reply, “No, you don’t want milk.”

At this point it might be useful to present options in a different way if this is happening a lot. Like actually taking their finished cup of milk, holding the milk carton next to it and asking “More?” It might help. But it also might not. It’s a really tricky stage in terms of getting their wants across clearly. But lots of shrieking over misinterpretations of yes and no and just general perverseness/over-tiredness/out of sorts-ness, is something that will improve with time, better language understanding and communication skills. Can take a while though 🫣

Saying no is a very popular toddler hobby!
He does seem to be tying himself up in knots. I think he’s confused and conflicted.

I would try to avert as many crises as possible by not asking him what he wants, especially when you know what he wants iyswim.
Say ‘here’s your milk’ instead of asking if he wants it.
In theory it’s good to offer choices, but it sounds as if it’s too much for him sometimes.
I would offer choices that don’t matter eg would you like to wear your red socks or your blue socks. That way, he can feel empowered, and his language skills will improve naturally.

Trying to explain the need to express desires clearly to a 2 year old is massively unrealistic. You would possibly get somewhere with a 7 year old. Expectations need to be appropriate to the stage of development.

This is what toddlers do best. They’re little control freak, oppositional tyrants. They flit between emotions in the blink of an eye and haven’t even got a clue what they want half the time, but always know what they don’t want.

Sometimes if mine said no when they meant yes, e.g. if I asked if they wanted some milk, if I asked them if they’d like to take it themselves and put them back in control they’d be happy.

Often you just need to know how they want things, e.g. where they like to sit, which colour spoon they like and exactly how they like their food laid out on their plate. 🤣

You've had some good advice, and hopefully been reassured this is pretty normal!

It could be worse...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/1301196-If-my-3yo-had-access-to-AIBU

This sounds completely normal OP. Don't worry, it's something he'll grow out of.

Fwiw my toddler does exactly the same thing and I think I've worked out she means 'milk NOW' when she says 'no milk' - as in, 'no, I don't want to be doing whatever it is I'm doing right now, I want MILK now!' = 'no, milk!'

I just say 'no milk? Or yes milk?' and she generally reluctantly replies '...yes milk' 😂