I am 35 and due second baby. Am I an old mum?

[funkmonke]

I had my first baby at 25 and now pregnant again, due in a couple of months.

I feel old though! Am I old or was I just very young to have the first child ?

Indeed. Also, relativism isn’t relevant. The body is the age that it is. And 35 is old to be pregnant. Not astonishingly old, but it is the age after which fertility plummets dramatically.

In the same way, you could be overweight but that doesn’t mean you are a “normal” weight just because many people around you are even heavier. There is no “social” weight.

That said, it would churlish not to congratulate a woman who is expecting!

I’d say 25 -35 is the ideal time. Young enough to keep up, old enough to have a bit of life experience.

In the 1970’s, my mother had to spend the last 2 weeks of pregnancy in hospital because she was so old to be having a baby…she was 38!

Relax. 35 isn't old at all.

In the real world of statistics, the higher the socio-economic occupation of the mother, the later the first birth is likely to be. Life is messy and there's a lot of variation. But it's a very consistent finding.

Your child will be embarrassed of you regardless of age!!

I had DD3 when I was 36. She will be 22 this summer.

I didn't consider myself old, but medically I get that it is considered so for pregnancy, especially a first one.

The one thing it did mean, and which I hadn't really considered when trying to conceive her was that I would be perimenopausal or menopausal when she was still an adolescent teenager. That was of course what happened and was, shall we say, interesting. 🤣

I also have to second this. Children are always embarrassed by their parents. It goes with the territory.

Parents are just not cool pets to have.

Average age to have had a baby in my son's school is 27 (which I was with him but he's my middle - I also had one at 17 and one at 31 so I've experienced being young, average and older)

I wouldn't worry too much, plenty of older mums.

I'm 53 and my DS is 17 and looking around it seems that I'm a similar age to the other mums I see in passing . It feels to me line the next age to have had them - I wouldn't have chosen another .. it's lovely

like the perfect age **

I had my second son at 38 and the hospital called me a geriatric mum 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Do you live under a rock? 35 is extremely normal for a fist baby let alone second! I don't know anyone who had their first under the age of 30, however I still recognise that people DO have them younger.

And no, fertility does not suddenly plummet the day you turn 35. This is not a Kevin the Teenager scenario.

Of course fertility declines, men's fertility declines too, but we don't hear people banging on about that. All this 'too old for a baby' judgement is about making sure women strive to settle at a young age and are kept in their place.

Not necessarily. In my case it was due to infertility.

I am afraid it does decline after 35, quite dramatically. By 40 it is more likely than not that a woman can’t conceive at all. It’s not a moral judgement, these are just facts about our bodies. There is absolutely no doubt about this.

Of course men’s fertility declines too but at a much slower rate, and men can have children long after women are no longer able to.

I had my first at 36, and all bar one of the couples in our antenatal class were our age (35+) and first time parents. There was one younger couple who never socialised with the group, perhaps because of the age difference 🤔

It's not too old , although medically it's a geriatric pregnancy. I bet it feels like your previous pregnancy was such a long time ago.

I believe age gaps between pregnancies increases the risk of pre-eclampsia, which is routinely tested for.

Nobody is going to think you are old ,though

It was geriartic prima gravida when I had DTs 13 years ago. I was 31 and it was scrawled across the top of my notes!

First at 29 (in 1998 when I was described as a geriatric mother 🤣). Second at 42 where I was far far from the oldest mother in the maternity ward. No, you are not an old mother.

@funkmonke please don't think that your child will be embarrassed of you! I'm a lone parent to a just turned 13 year old with SN. I'm approaching 55. We have a lot of fun together and I've never once felt too old to have him. I've stayed fit, which helps, and we do loads together. I'm making the most of it before he finds his own feet! You'll be absolutely fine and climbing the frames in soft play in no time!!

35 and expecting my second and would say most of the people i know are between 33 and 40 for their second.

My sister was 27 for her first and felt very young and all her mum friends are much older than her by 5-10 years.

I'm happier older - we are more financially stable, emotionally stable. i deff don't consider myself old and would not have been anywhere near ready at 25 or even 30!!

My hospital says they don't even consider 35 to be old anymore they are more concerned about over 40s

What you are meant to do is to wait until you are as old as you can be without becoming infertile, like a biological game of chicken, so you don't accidentally devalue the homes around you and give off the whiff of working class.

Depends where you live and your circle of friends.

Age isn't really a factor to how kids see their parents or their friends see them. I think it's more how you act/dress etc.

I remember my friend being embarrassed about her 'old' parents but they actually were not that old, think they were about 33 when they had her (compared to my mum who was 18) but friends mum was 'frumpy' greying short curly hair, didn't work, dressed older and would be home waiting for my friend at lunch time an after school.

Most of our other friends parents were of a similar age as my friends mum (and certainly a lot older than my 'young' mum), but they dressed younger and looked younger and most worked so weren't around waiting for them to get home with an apron on - this isn't a SAHM vs working mum comment by the way.

Funnily enough, my friend just due to circumstances ended up having her child at 40 or 41. She doesn't look like an old mum though and so I don't think this is a worry for her.

My mum had her second at 35 and that was almost 30 years ago, when it was much less common!!! I think you're about average. I'm considering a second at 32 and I still feel young.