1 year old has nearly cried for an entire year!

[s0losunflower]

I really don't know where to begin. I have struggled immensely with my nearly 1 year old since he was born. He has been incredibly unsettled from the very start, pre six months I took him to see different doctors, we even had an overnight stay because the paediatrician agreed that DS was distressed. All the usual things - allergies, reflux - have been ruled out. The consensus is that DS is healthy. For the first 6 months of his life I spent all day walking him round in a baby carrier and lots of the night driving around to stop the crying. I sometimes wonder if I'm going insane because he cries so much. We've been going to playgroup for nearly 6 months now, and apart from one occasion, he sits and cries. He is 1 in two weeks and today he sat and chewed on his comforter crying for pretty much the whole session. We attend with another baby girl who's the same age and their behaviour/development is like day and night. I ask myself what I've done wrong. I'm convinced something 'isn't right'. I've been back to work a few weeks and DS will not settle at nursery. The nursery ring me most days to have him collected due to being unsettled or illness. I'm beyond stressed and don't know what to do. I feel like I have no choice but to give up work and try again in another year, but I'm a single parent struggling with a mortgage. What do I do in this situation? Father has no involvement and I have very minimal family support. I have left a message for the HV to call me tomorrow, although she has told me that assessments can't be done until 18 months. No suitable childminders in the area. I feel embarrassed, I'm not the same person anyone, I'm low and negative.

I’m sorry I can’t offer much advice but sending massive amounts of sympathy. Does he crawl / walk yet? I know someone who’s kid changed totally when she could walk. She’d basically cried since birth until then. Seemed like it was frustration.

Have you tried an osteopath or chiropractic who treats babies. I know several parents who say it's been a game changer.

Sorry to hear this it sounds like an awfully difficult time! Is there any periods that little one settles ? like cuddling you or in a pram? Do you feel he/she is in pain? If so I would demand more referrals from your GP. Forget the health visitor they are beyond useless.
It could be noise baby finds distressing or just generally shy socially and doesn't like to be overwhelmed? Does baby settle more at home?
I don't have the answer but if you have a gut feeling your baby could be in pain as a reason from the crying I'd keep pushing for more investigations. And take care of yourself as much as you can! Could you get the GP to sign you off work right now?

That’s so tough.. no advice OP, but well done on trying to get answers for him, and I hope someone has some useful tips for you. Of course you’re feeling low and negative. 💐❤️

I wonder if there is some pain, if you give pain relief does he settle?

I feel for you.

My DC1 was a crier although did improve over time and by 12 months doesn't sound as difficult as yours. But maybe that's just time has blurred it and you're in the thick of it right now.

How long has DC been at nursery for? Do they eat there, nap, drink their milk there?

Is there anything DC likes to do, even for short periods? Any songs they like? Do they have a dummy?

Definitely worth speaking to your HV, I know they get a bad rep on MN but mine have always been really helpful.

Has DC had their one year check by the HV yet?

Has he been checked for allergies, eg milk or gluten sensitivity causing stomach pain?

I had one of these, my goodness it's hard! Unfortunately the answer was just time and things slowly got better, he's 13 now and an all round brilliant person!

I am sorry …. this sounds so difficult for you to cope with.

I was going to suggest this too.

Hello,

Yes he can crawl, but not walking yet.
I've never felt the issue to be caused by pain, he's had all the checks for allergies.

He definitely appears overwhelmed by noises and groups of other babies/people.
Pain relief makes no difference.

Yes he's had his one year check and cried throughout the whole appointment! HV put it down to teething pain, but once we were out and back in the pram he was fine.

He likes being carried in the baby carrier. I could carry him in that around London for the day and he'd love it.

@WeightoftheWorld

He likes books, he will settle for those. He also loves being carried in the baby carrier, but I am exhausted from that. I've carried him hundreds of miles since he was born. He is very alert and likes changes of scenery. No dummy, but does have a comforter, which he's becoming more reliant on.

My second child was a miserable baby. She never slept well which I think didn’t help as she was perpetually tired. She cried what felt like almost constantly.
While things have improved while she’s aged she is just a very moany kid. Loves a moan about anything and everything. It’s tough and exhausting but hopefully he too will improve

Surprisingly he sleeps pretty well at night.

My issue right now is how to hold down a job.

My son was the same, cried and screamed constantly, and then was diagnosed with hyperacusis and it all made so much sense.
we couldn’t do swimming, baby/toddler groups in large halls, self scan in supermarkets set it off, people singing or clapping, cutlery on plates but loud firework displays were ok! it was explained to us that he didn’t just not like the noises but certain pitches and tones caused him physical pain which is why he spent so much time crying.
I feel for you, it is exhausting.
please message if you want any more details as I don’t want to take over your thread x

Ok, so that's great, there are some things he likes and that settle him. I can guarantee you the older he gets the less he will cry. I bet he is a very bright little boy and he can't talk yet, as he learns other ways to communicate the crying will lesson.

How about taking him to the library and getting a load of new books each week (or however often feasible)?

Have you tried a back carrier, could that be more comfortable now he's bigger? It's not something I could ever get on with myself but DH used to carry DC1 a lot in a Little Life backpack carrier, it used to settle her being carried too.

Have you got two of the comforter at least just in case he ever loses it whilst out? Would it help to take the comforter to baby group and out and about with you?

How is he in a pram, maybe with some sensory pram toys attached to the pram bar too?

Does he like the bath, or swimming?

You can buy baby ear defenders from John Lewis amongst other places, brand is called Baby Banz I think? They might help in noisy environments if he doesn't like noise, if he will tolerate keeping them on.

@rainbowlou That's very interesting about hyperacusis. I am going to try and get a GP appointment tomorrow. I've been fobbed off so much with 'babies cry', or made to feel I'm coping badly.

I have been wondering if it could be autism?

@WeightoftheWorld We do take the comforter to playgroup. He sits chewing it and crying at the same time. It's really sad to see. The days I don't work and we're together, I can usually find activities we can do. I'm so stuck now because of the nursery situation.

Aw! @OP i have no advice to give about this but your baby sounds so sweet. If only you could get to the bottom of why he won't stop crying. He sounds so precious and lovely from how you describe the things he likes, it must be painful to watch him crying so much .

Do you feel like nursery are working with you? Do they have quieter spaces he can be in? Are they using books to help him settle and help him build bonds with the staff, if that's what he likes?

DD1 was afraid of other children when she started nursery and easily overwhelmed by too much going on close around her (poor thing started nursery for the first time right after first lockdown). Our nursery had a couple of quiet spaces (a little tent and a pod thing with cushions in), and she was encouraged to spend a lot of time in those at first, and the staff monitored if she was getting overwhelmed and physically moved her to quieter areas (especially out in the garden, where the little ones mix with older children). Are they, or could they, do anything like that for your wee one?

@LadeOde Thank you. He is a dear boy 🌻

@skkyelark We keep being hit with illnesses, which isn't helping. When he goes this Wednesday, he won't have been for two weeks because of illness. Nursery have identified what he likes, but as yet haven't had a clear run to build bonds.

Cranial osteopath completely changed my baby. Of the money I have spent on baby bits that was the best. Baby screamed and was unsettled and this sorted out all the problems.

I had one of these babies. He cried constantly for 18 months and then a lot until he was about 5. Even when he was about 8 the teacher said he really did need to stop crying every time something wasn’t perfect. He was the hardest child I ever met

He had a dairy allergy and we found cranial osteopathy was incredibly helpful

eventually he grew out of it but he was hard work for a long time, couldn’t play on his own, whined and moaned all day long and was surgically attached to my legs. He also didn’t sleep until he was 4.

however he turned into the most delightful child by about 5 or 6 although we still had the crying episodes. He’s 21 now, totally neurotypical, fairly easy going but liable to go off on his own in a bit of a bad mood if he’s upset instead of crying

@Chanxex
Please don't say that! I don't think I can take one more day let alone 5 more years 😆

I think the constant illness in the beginning of nursery is normal unfortunately and does often make it a longer process for little ones to settle. I understand how stressful that can be with juggling work etc, DC2's first winter at nursery was utterly horrendous, he was so much sicker than DC1 had been too and then we had their absences as well, urgh.

Assuming it has only been a few weeks or so I think that's just going to be something to ride out and I'm sure he will settle and get comfortable. Presume he has a key person who takes charge of as much of his settling as possible? I presume he eats, drinks and sleeps at nursery ok too?