Visitation reduced following child support

[AgilePinkGoose]

My partner reduced his CM payments to the minimum (explained in another thread). His daughter's mother is now claiming they're not available for him to visit until May (despite there being a date pre-arranged for this month that she has now cancelled. He works Mon-Thurs and she is saying there are no Fridays, Saturdays or Sundays where his daughter isn't busy with other family members/on trips until May. She's almost 2 for context. He's had a meeting with a solicitor this week but is concerned mentioning this will inflame things. Thoughts?

Why would he pay the absolute legal minimum for his child? Surely that's the question here.

What does the court order say? Why is he only paying the minimum!

Does he not live locally?

He needs to arrange mediation. Following that if no resolution then apply to court.

So he was paying £400-700 a month and now he's reducing it as untenable on his income? I imagine there is a middle ground here somewhere but yes it does seem unreasonable that she's now reduced the access.

2 hours away

Hi I have a whole other thread on this but basically he was paying 4 times the amount (almost 6k across the year) and she was still making visitation quite difficult and he was essentially totally broke from doing so (only got away with it because he lives with family so doesn't have real rent costs and they've been covering a lot of his actual life costs). His family found out the extent he was paying and they weren't particularly happy given essentially they've been paying for him (if that makes sense) He's now looking to move out and grow up essentially and it just isn't feasible. It's only the minimum currently while he is saving to move out, and he is looking for a better paid job (he's currently just above minimum wage) so it can go up.

Explained above and in another thread! Hope that helps, please lmk if I've missed anything

This.

To ensure mediation happens as quickly as possible so he can apply to court he should attend prepared with the points he wants to mediate on.

He also should know what is reasonable and what is unreasonable. So for example it isn't reasonable for him to see his child in the middle of the week due to the distance.

Then if the child's mother refuses to negotiate or drags her feet after 3 sessions he needs to tell the mediator it isn't working and he wants to be signed off to go to Court.

He needs to be aware a Court order won't solve all his issues particularly as he lives 2 hours away.

Maintenance is considered separately from seeing the child.

In addition as long as he is paying the amount stipulated by the CMS or his court order then his child's mother has no way of complaining.

I suggest he ensures he gets her reasons for cancelling contact in writing.

It sounds like his ex is expressing her disgust at his change to her CM. How will the change in finance affect his dd's home - heating, food, general quality of life?

She shouldn't but I can quite understand why she might behave like that. If the issue doesn't resolve itself quickly, your dp needs to go back to court.

No court order as of yet, he's hoping to get that sorted in the next few weeks. Their families were very much against them getting the courts involved initially and I think he's just wanted to avoid rocking the boat which is just not okay and as a parent, he needs to be more argumentative (not sure if this is the right word) when the plans get moved/changed/pushed back for reasons like we're now going on holiday all month/we're moving house again/everyone's got food poisoning (untrue) because he just keeps acquiescing to these ridiculous reasons and then getting upset about it when I feel if he got an external party they'd deal with all of this so much more directly.

Why are you on MN trying to get advice about all of this?

Cant afford CM but can afford a solicitor.

He needs somewhere to live as well.

He's responsible as an adult for looking after himself and not getting his parents to fund his lifestyle.

He is paying CM.

The amount stipulated by the CMS considering he is on a minimum waged job.

In regards to solicitors you can pay them off over years if you have a decent credit record and follow their advice. Also sometimes family members who are related to the child will pay some of the initial fees.

@AgilePinkGoose such a shame for dc. Unfortunately I think court is the only way to go at least then if she breaks the order you can do something about it. Sounds like a very stressful time hope it all gets sorted as smoothly and quickly as it can 🤞🏼🤞🏼

I would stay out of it op. This man is not your partner, you don't live together, presumably no joint finances. Let him sort his own mess out.

During the course of their relationship she racked up debts of almost 3-4k in his name it has recently been revealed, which she has refused to pay now as "he broke up with her and he owes her that at least" so his family is paying off this week as its wrecked his credit score (while she has taken to a selling site to sell the items and keep the money) I recently learned so the sympathy I had in the previous thread has lessened significantly. She lives with her parents who are fairly well off and is only with the child 3 days a week, she lives in another city the rest of the week and her mother cares for the child.

The bare minimum, cool.

Well he needs to better paid job and grow up a lot.

His family are paying for it, which is very generous of them

Couldn't agree more.

OP you should actually move on and find someone who doesn't have this mess in their lives especially as you indicated he was immature.

It sounds like it’s getting very tit for tat from both sides with a poor child stuck in the middle.

I should note that we're all 23-25 in this situation and I do think this year he has matured a lot in lots of areas of his life (sorting his driving, retaking exams where needed so he can apply for a degree apprenticeship to study Engineering in the next few years and have greater earning potential, finally admitting the extent of the money stuff to his family) and I do think he is trying his best. I'm not going to say he has been the most mature and when I've spoken to both of them they did both kind of say they were probably a bit young/immature to have a child, but she's here and she is so loved and I just want a situation where he's doing right by her while also not putting his whole life on pause to do so. The place we were planning on moving to (mentioned in last thread) is about an hour closer. I did agree with the people in the last thread who said its maybe not the best idea for me to move in with him with all of this going on, so I think his plan is to save for a studio and move a few months - a year after me (whatever is feasible based on work and the uni stuff). It would be cheaper for him to have a room in a houseshare but would restrict if he could bring his daughter back so he will have to be saving for a significant amount of time to make a studio rental feasible and to pay back at least some of what his family has paid towards her debt.

Agreed. I recognise this isn't something I can comment on too much to him/his family as she isn't my daughter to be weighing in on to that degree but I also just wanted to see what the general consensus was here because I've just never heard of a situation this badly organised/controlled.

What is considered quickly? Would you say if she then cancels the visit they've agreed to in early May (as she's not available till then apparently) that that's enough time for a court? We have it all in writing (the cancellations from the last couple months and the reasons).