28 Month old speaking about death

[MixedCouple]

I have known my DS has suffered with nightmares for well over a year based on his reactions at night. But for the la at 6 months he has been able to vocally discuss his dreams and with greater detail now. When he wakes crying it isn't one of pain but of fear. He has a very quiet demeanor generally and observant child. But very emotional and highly sensitive. He doesn't normally react in the moment and well be upset after having had some time.

Last few weeks he has been talking about either me or some other close family member dying. He is only 28months old.
We don't watch TV or have devices that he watches unsupervised at all I always sit by him and talk about whatever show he is watching usually Geckos Real vehicles etc. So no strange things happening there. He doesn't go to Nursery he is with me 24/7 and even width family I am close by.

He reads books a lot like loads, looks at pictures and I read with him. It is our main activity and there are no books with the mention of death.
We were reading a book the other night and he randomly said Grandma died, grandma died. And I was perplexed. I asked why he said that but then he changed the subject and we carried on reading his book. The book was the Hungry Caterpillar!!!!
We Co sleep - same room he has his own sleeping space away from us. He falls asleep with me sat on my bed just a meter away. We do cuddles, kiss and a goodnight. We have a good night time routine etc.

But today during his nap he woke up crying inconsolably only after 50mins of being asleep. He pinched me several times and told me to go away while crying and sobbing his heart out. After 20mins he calmed and said something along the lines of that he pushed me down the stairs and Mama died and he pushed Dad down stairs and Baby down the stairs (I am 20weeks). Then he went back to crying and sobbing and doesn't want me anywhere near him and tells me to leave. I am giving him space but he comes to me and pinches me.
He is excited about baby and always asls to see baby and cuddle my belly and give kisses. He talks to baby and likes to show baby his toddies he is very aware and happy.

No clue what to do. Is this normal? This is my first child. He never has temper tantrums or anything excessive. Normally when he is sad he cuddles me and calms right away just being held. But this time nothing worked not even giving him space. He cried for 50mins!
Is it another nightmare and why is he aware of death to such a level it is upsetting him like this.

We read the Snail and the Whale and there is some imagery of death such as a fish being carried away to be eaten by a gull which he has asked about. But other then that his books are toddler friendly.
I am very confused and it has upset me alot, pregnancy on top of that. I just don't know what's wrong or whats happening.
Any suggestions? It has been a couple weeks of this should I speak to the GP / HV. This is the first time where it has been this intense.
Thank you.

Bump^^

Anyone?

I don't know how true these stories are, but could it possibly be something like this?

https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/our-research/children-who-report-memories-of-previous-lives/#:~:text=Some%20young%20children%2C%20usually%20between,by%20any%20current%20life%20events.

Unlikely.

He sounds very conflicted about the sibling-to-be. He sounds an intelligent boy who has some understanding that he will have to share you, and that makes him angry at you. He expresses his anger in his dreams, and that is truly terrifying for him because he also loves you and needs on you.

Poor little lovey.

Can you buy him a family of dolls and play with them so that you and he can talk through his feelings a step removed. This is not about modelling a perfect family, but about allowing all feelings to be expressed and accepted. Including hatred and anger well as love and cherishing.

Well whatever it is it definitely isn’t a previous life. FFS.

And start introducing any changes that will be necessary when dc2 arrives. Introduce them veeeeery slowly and subtly.

For example, get into the habit of book sharing with dc1 sitting next to you instead of on your lap. Then encourage him to hold the book and turn the pages while you drape your arm around his shoulders from time to time. A cushion on his lap will help him hold the book up. This way there will be minimal change to his book sharing comfort when you have dc2 in your lap, and you will be able to feed dc2 without turfing dc1 off your lap.

Well, I did hesitate before posting, but some people do believe this. There is no need to be rude.

Dd was interested in death at that age. They begin to understand getting older, being separate, that people might go away and not come back.

You might be with him 24/7 but he could have overheard something about death in the supermarket, seen an ad from a bus, seen something on tv etc. I'd talk to him about death, trip to a cemetery, go over old photos of loved ones. It's not something to be hidden away or vague about, you die and you're not in your body and the people you love miss you.

Also sounds like night terrors, they can start about that age. Children can be inconsolable. I don't think you can do an awful lot about them.

He might also have anxieties about new baby and losing you that are coming out as fear of death.

I'd also say that your sleep set up needs to be considered with a new baby coming, will you Co sleep when the baby comes? The thing to avoid is baby coming and that meaning he gets booted out, ideally you'd change things before baby comes so he doesn't feel displaced.

You might find it helpful to make him a little book or draw pictures showing your family, what it will be like when baby comes, etc. show what you're like now and that he'll still be loved when baby comes.

Do you have a partner? What do they say about all this? Do they spend time alone with your DS and can maybe explain where has picked up these notions of death?

Thanks, @Veggieburgers
That documentary was really interesting.

I don't respond much (I don't initiate a post ever).
For some reason I've come back to this, so ...
He's obviously loved and has a lot/all of your attention.
You 'don't watch TV' ... as in you don't have one? Or he doesn't watch?
You're with him 24/7.
You co sleep.
He's not at nursery.
He's only 2 ... so fair enough.
He is 'with family' sometimes.
So - he has a pretty idyllic/rarefied existence in some ways, but he is exposed to some other conversation apart from yours/some other input apart from yours ... inevitably ...
in his buggy listening to conversations/in the supermarket queue ...He's 'picked something up' somewhere about death. (I suspect not from the 'Past Lifers') and it's 'interesting' to him (not in the way it would be to us - he's 2).
He's used the word once or twice, and you're on high alert for any other instances. He gets attention. He reuses.
You're 20 weeks pregnant. He's 2 years old.The baby is a long, long way away for him to comprehend. He can't actually, or even imagine what it means.
So - I'm not sure what I'm trying to say really ...
I suppose - could it be that he doesn't really understand the 'baby in Mummy's tummy' agenda?
I know it wouldn't entirely account for the 'death' part ... but kids hear things/repeat things/as soon as they get a reaction they' build on it' ...
you've reacted (even if not verbally ... he'll 'pick up').
So for me ... He's hearing about the baby. He's confused. Has no idea what that means, or how to react. He's upset (much).
Going back to ... the 'pushing downstairs' conversation ...are you sure that was said? I
Lastly - probably should have been said first - that level of crying consistently/not settling etc could be (um, Is Probably) indicacative
I'm not sure what else to say really (I never meant to write this much).
Having said all that - yes, speak to HV/GP if poss ... it will set your mind at rest.
You sound lovely. You'll all be fine. It will pass. With one child, and another on the way ... it will pass.
Xxx

Take a children's Bible and teach him about eternal life with Jesus ....you don't want him having illogical fear of death and no hope

Go to a church led toddler group and start a journey.....of faith for all of you
You don't want him going to church of E school and being afraid at the cross and the Bible stories

Reassure the child. Write everything down. Read
Signs of Reincarnation: Experiences & Research | Facebook

Your son is using language he doesn't fully comprehend and he's picking up on cues, albeit subtle ones that you might not realise you're giving, and he's following on from that.

He is obviously bright but he doesn't really know what he's talking about.

My son is 2 years 5 months and says a lot of things that would suggest he's very bright, but really he's just picking up language quickly. There's no real emotional understanding beneath a lot of what he says yet.

That does sound like very advanced existential thinking.
He may well be a gifted child. Or possibly neuro diverse (or both).
Which comes with many cons as you may see! Best you can do is reassure him that those feelings / dreams sound very scary and that you are doing everything in your power to keep safe and well and healthy. That thoughts like that come and go but they do not mean anything serious or real in the real or waking world. alleviate any guilt he is having.

Death thoughts often come in around age 4 when language is more sophisticated. sounds as if his thought have come in very early. bless him and you xxx good luck.

Firstly, although he's using the word death in a way that seems to align with dying, dont assume he actually knows what it means. There are lots of lovely toddler books about death which have a gentle non-distressing feel to them. Maybe they would help him reframe his feelings.

Can you not just say he's 2?

Previous lives and religion..... Blimey. Setting those aside, my DD was also always very sensitive, empathetic and had a very challenging power of imagination. Her first trigger was catching news of the Boxing Day Tsunami at 18 months old. She was distraught. Later any kind of "non human" human completely freaked her out. Dolls, mannequins. She had the most vivid dreams of people in her room.

So, I think some children do have a heightened sense of "being", life and death, and the unnatural

She had turned out to be an excellent writer, and won several writing competitions both in primary and secondary. Often with protagonists meeting untimely ends.

By 28 month old you mean almost 2.5 years old. Yeah that's normal

Take your child to the GP or pediatrician and have a nice talk. They will have heard this before and will know how to reassure both of you.

Also you may both enjoy reading fairytales together which should be helpful and a very natural way to come to terms with life and death for children. This is recommended by psychotherapists such as Carl Jung, Françoise Dolto and others.

Wishing you both much happiness with the new baby.

He's 2 and a half, they all talk shite 🤣

Yep. There's some proper mad responses on this thread. Take him to the GP? Christ 🙄

He's still really small and death is a big subject that can be difficult to understand. It does sound like he has read or seen something that's left him confused or worried.

I'd recommend looking at a charity like Winston's Wish which is for helping kids deal with bereavement. They have lots of really good resources about talking with children about death at an age appropriate level.

The main thing is to be open, honest, use simple and direct terminology.