Am I being unreasonable for not wanting my 18 month old to stay overnight at other peoples houses?

[Bugie405]

Myself and my husband are stuck in a constant argument about this. My daughter stays at my parents house overnight when I work nights. But otherwise I don't want her staying overnight at other peoples houses yet. I think my parents have her two nights when I havent been working in 18 months

My husband is desperate for his mum or sister to have her overnight and says it is unfair because my parents have her.

His arguments are;

1. His sister is desperate to have her overnight and so I'm being cruel not allowing it and depriving her of the joy our daughter brings
2. Its good for her to get used to staying with other people incase my parents arent able to have her some night
3. Its not fair that my parents have her and no one else
4. Im being too overprotective and holding her back from experiences

My arguments are;

1. His mum and sister never go out off their way to come and visit my daughter to build a relationship, they only see her when we take her to them so why should I willingly hand her over to people who dont make time for her but yet apparently want her on their own
2. She is a bad sleeper, up multiple times a night, ends up in our bed etc so it not a case of her going to sleep and not needing comfort etc throughout the night
3. My parents have her out of necessity because they are our childcare when I work
4. Its my prerogative to be protective when I feel the sleepover is only for the benefit of other people and not in my daughters best interests

Just interested to hear other peoples opinions...thank you

I agree with your husband.

YANBU
They have made no effort to build a relationship with her.
Sleepovers for non-verbal children should be emergency only.

if they can’t be bothered to come round to yours then why would she go stay with them. I’m with you OP- she’s also not a doll, it’s not their turn.

Yanbu. 18 month olds can be very clingy and very upset in the night. She can stay with dHe’s family when she’s older. She is bonded to your parents, while his don’t visit much

YANBU she goes where you are comfortable and where she will be happy.

Don't be bullied into doing something you don't want to do. It's up to you and your husband knows this.

What's the obsession with having young children to stay over. I find it bizarre really that they would want to. Toddlers can be hard work at bedtime and overnight. There is no benefit at that age to a child staying overnight without you. Perhaps once they reach school age, and you might be looking at things like Rainbow or Beaver sleepovers but before then it's not necessary.

Why doesn’t she sleep over at his parents when you’re working? (I assume your husband is working nights too?)
It seems a little unfair that she has sleepovers at your parents but never his, unless I’ve missed something. YANBU about the sister though - no need for her to sleepover there unless you want her to. I’ve never really understood when people say their parents/aunts/family beg to have their children for sleepovers at such a young age. Thinks it’s odd.

He's totally unreasonable.
She's used to overnights at your mums but she isn't with them; you want to spend your precious time with your baby not farm her out every weekend; and simply because you're not comfortable with it is enough.
Why are people obsessed with having a baby overnight anyway? What's so special about nighttime?

I doubt I'll want my DD staying overnight anywhere at that age. Maybe my mum's T an absolute push because she knows her well. Your DH should be backing you up and sounds like hard work.

Mines nearly 3 and never slept overnight without us, she doesn't sleep well and I'd not inflict that on someone else. Who is so keen for a terrible nights sleep?! 18 months is dinky and can't understand what's going on so it'd be a no from me.

My parents had always agreed to be our childcare. The way it works out with our shifts we need her to be watched for 4 nights (until about 12pm the next day) in every fortnight. His mum has never offered to provide childcare as such. His mum has actually never asked for her to stay overnight its only my husband who says she should have a turn... (unless conversations have happened when Ive not been there but to my knowledge she has never asked for her overnight)

Oh right well if she’s never said anything to you then I would carry on as you are. (But you could be right and she’s mentioned something to him privately which I’m guessing he would tell you if she had though). Sounds like you’ve got a good routine going for now and definitely don’t be pressured to need her for a sleepover at his sisters. That’s just bizarre at such a young age.

Is it though? Like its getting to the stage where I think hes going to turn around and say its happening whether I agree or not and at the end of the day he is as much her parent as I am. Ive been fighting this fight since she was no age but not sure how much long Im going to be able to convince him its not happening

You need to put your foot down HARDER then. Tell him it is not happening, if he overrides you and takes her there you will simply have to follow and pick her up and demand your child back. (This won't happen, just explaining that the in-laws can't keep your child without your say so.) it sounds like they're not even that bothered if they don't make the effort to visit regularly so it's your husband having a weird bee in his bonnet about it.

I agree with your DH

YABVU to allow DC to stay with your parents but not DH's.

And it's real shame for family and your your DC not to be allowed these experiences.

Tell dh he can buy his dsis and dm a doll if they want to play House.. Your dd isn't a toy.

Yeah you are a bit uptight in this situation , your daughter has the right to be brought up to have a equal relationship with both sets of family .

What a crock of shit. ^

Thanks...just wanted to reply to a comment siding with my husband to say I appreciate all points of view

@Scaffoldingisugly Oh so you think it's a crock of shit the child has rights ?

Dc do not need to be away from their dps to appease wider family members.. Mil has had her own dc... Sil doesn't visit op's dc.. Those who play family Bingo are frankly nuts.

What? Is she a toy? It's not fair that everyone doesn't get a go? The fuck is that nonsense?

She's a person. With her own home. And not much means of conveying her wishes. Plus sod all familiarity with the other granny and aunt. I don't care if aunt and grandmother don't get that experience.

@Corksoles excellently put!

Well she cannot just be given to DH's mum and sister to stay over so if they want that to happen they need to build a relationship with her first. And then along the line you can look into staying over.

She’s not a toy to be passed around to family members. Do what’s right for her.

You're in the right here. As pervious ops have said... don't budge