Does anyone with two kids and a large age gap wish they had not had the second?

[funkmonke]

Basically those who have two children only (same parents) who have an older kid or 8 year plus and then went onto have a second,…. if you had your time again, would have not had the second?

Honest and all experiences appreciated 🙏💛 Thank you.

8 year age gap here. No I haven’t got as far as wishing I didn’t have a second child. There were times as they were getting older I wished the age gap was smaller - mainly when planning family holidays and activities, as it can be hard to satisfy a teen and a primary aged child simultaneously. I have sometimes been very worried that my older child resents the impact of a much younger sibling on her life, but mostly she puts up with the situation and I hope it is teaching her good values about shared family time and space.

Like most parents there have been times I’ve said to myself, why did we have a second child! But that wasn’t age-gap related, just the added challenge of having another child’s needs and activities to contend with.

My second child was desperately wanted. If I’d had doubts I wouldn’t have put our family through it, and I believe we’d have had a lovely family life with three of us. But our second child is the icing on the cake - a source of mischief and merriment and altogether A Good Thing.

8.5 year age gap. DS is 9.5, DD is 10 months.

Haven't actually wished I didn't have her but I have scolded myself on more than one occasion for not preparing to find it so much more difficult the second time around. But I tell myself she's growing so fast it'll soon be over (as in she won't stay little and need me so much)

Do you feel overloaded and stretched too thin? Or is it manageable?

Sometimes. I felt it especially during school holidays as I had them both, one was ill then the other one and DH was working full time. I had major mum guilt (and still get it) because I can't give my son as much time and attention as he deserves / I used to give but I know it'll get easier as she gets bigger

What makes it easier is 1) knowing it won't last forever and 2) my DS absolutely dotes on his little sister so I know it was the right choice. I wouldn't change it for anything

7 years here and no never wished I had not had ds. Over the years the gap has had its challenges but now he is 17 i am enjoying having him just at home and he has a good relationship with our elder ds.

Decided not, despite encouragement & a friend going ahead

Her DC have about 7/8yr gap too, she has no regrets

I stuck at one and also have no regrets in that regard, I would have been dealing with a tween/teen now and know it would have been too much

You sound switched on, thinking it through, asking experiences, all that suggests you’ll make an informed decision

Whichever way you go I think you will make the right decision for you and your family based on that alone

I can list lots of pros with our 8 year gap and not many cons.
They are 19/11 now and have a great sibling relationship, not best friends obviously as their lives are so different but we’ve had zero squabbling/ competitive jealousy type behaviour.
I have a large sibling gap too so see how it can/does work in later life too.

I don't wish I never had the kids but I do sometimes think the age gaps could have been smaller.
DD is 17
Ds is 6
Ds is 2
Ds is 1

currently TTC (although have some similar concerns) and I have a 10 year old already. Interested to read replies …

My DD1 is 10 and DD2 is 3. I could never ever regret my DD2! She’s a wonderful little monster in spite of her toddler tantrums and whirlwind ways. She and her sister get on well most of the time and DD1 was so excited when I was pregnant with her. They share a room now.

DS is due in the next few weeks as well and I know I will never regret him either.

Mine have different Dads but I’d like to think my point of view is of some relevance…

I found it tricky to adjust back to baby life after my (then) 7 year old already had so much independence. Going back to the start after a time was a bit of a shock to the system.
DD took some adjusting to both a baby sibling, as well as Mummy’s attention needed by someone else.

My youngest is a very different child to my first (as with any child!) My DD slept very well and was a lot more “calm”. Youngest doesn’t sleep through at 2 and is a whirlwind.

I don’t regret having 2, or an age gap. As above, many pros. But we’ve also found tricky situations, too. But then I wonder how on earth people do it with a smaller gap!!

There are 12 years between our eldest and youngest, and they are closer than our middle children.
I believe it very much depends on the eldest child's interest in babies and young children though as to how it would go.

7 years between mine and I might just be lucky but they are best friends and just adore each other (13+6). Enough of a gap my eldest understood the tantrums of my youngest. They play together so well as well. Don't really have any cons. Interestingly there was 5 years between my own sister and I and we had nothing to do with each other growing up,had nothing in common at all.

I don’t personally but I have a friend with a 10 year age gap and he son is the most wonderful big brother. He’s old enough to not squabble or compete and their relationship (12 & 2) is so heart warming.

Never regretted the second but wished I could have had her at a younger age as I'm knackered. 😂

Not me but my sister she has 2 children oldest 19 youngest 2.
She dont regret her child she wishes she had him sooner her words not mine .
Shes 48 and openly tells anyone being an older mum has put more stress on her.
Due to the fact she will be parenting till 60s.
And her children won't be close like others.
She just got all her freedom back then wanted another but her partner didnt stay around.
I think deep down she wishes she stuck to one.

I had 2 -17 months apart easy work.
I wouldnt do it now.

I have a 9 year gap. I wish it was much closer. I find it really difficult to find days out that they both enjoy. Same with films etc. It sometimes feels like we are two families as we often split on weekends/holidays to meet everyone’s needs and interests

In case this is an interesting different take, I am the older sibling of a younger brother who is 11 years younger. He was one of the best things that ever happened to me (only superceded by my own kids later on!). I adore him, still do. It was pure magic being able to share this lovely baby with my mum and dad. I guess it was hard for them, but I was super happy!

There is 7 years between me and my sister - we weren't close growing up, but are now in our 30s/40s.

We are family friends with a family with a 7 year age gap. The youngest child said wistfully the other day that he's always the odd one out and it makes him sad. DH and I honestly didn't know what to say to him because we've thought the same about his situation for years, poor lad. His parents weren't there so couldn't answer him. I asked my sister and she said she could sympathise with him too.

I’m one of 4. There are 7 years between me and my older sibling and younger sibling.

none of us are close due to the age gaps but we get on fine. We kind of had seperate childhoods in some ways An 8 year old isn’t going to be knocking about with a 15 year old or a 1 year old. We couldn’t talk about other kids in school we knew/school gossip, be interested in the same activities.

My friends who had siblings a similar age would bicker a lot however they would also do joint activities which bonded them like Alton towers, sneaking off for a cocktail together in teen years, covering for eachother when up to mischief in high school or just having someone to confide in or go to the cinema with on a boring rainy Saturday. I never really got that due to age gaps, when I was 15 and on holiday with family my older sibling was 22 and moved out on holiday with mates and younger siblings only 8 and 4. So still had fun helping them swim and looking after them but it wasn’t a close ‘sibling friendship’ with bickering sort of relationship if you get me.

My friends with smaller gaps are mostly very close to their siblings and still go on holidays with them and stuff. Whereas me and my siblings get on well but the dynamic is different.

But there was no sibling rivalry or jealousy which was a pro. for my mum another pro was that she got 1:1 time with each of us when the others were at school so less strain on her.

Eight year gap.. wanted more than anything... took endless operations...miscarriage...ectopic. . They are best friends and we are very close.. l brought them up on my own..now age 39 and 31..

I will be 36 and will have a 13 year age gap.

Thought I would only ever have the 1 so it's a shock to the system.

My daughter is very maternal and caring so I know their relationship will be different than if they were closer in age but I really think they will be close growing up with her nature, that's what I'm hoping for anyway 😊

8 year age gap between DCs1 and 2, then along came 3. Honestly? This sounds so smug (but we’ve been through a really really really tough time these past 3 years so… I’ll boast! 😆): It’s been PERFECT, seriously perfect. DC1 just scooped up his baby sister and loved her from day 1.
They’re 22 and (almost) 14 now and close as ever. DC1 is exceptional. He’s a great big brother to DCs 2 and 3.
DC2 and 3’s a different story (DC2 has been a brilliant younger sister to DC1 but as an older sister to DC3, she hasn’t been easy). 4 years between them. All that said, I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing. No regrets. Not for one hot minute.

Nearly 9 years.

Good god, no. Was an absolute blessing. Our eldest resented sibling initially and for many years.

At nearly 30 and just 21 now, they are as close as it’s possible to be.