Daughter sleeping in mums room with mum and boyfriend

[rob38]

My 6 year old daughter sleeps in her mums bed. When her mums boyfriends stays over on a Friday, my daughter sleeps on the floor in the bedroom. I am not sure if that is appropriate? My daughter has a bedroom in the house but her mum has never moved her into sleeping in her own room.

I know that you and your ex have a rocky relationship, from reading your other posts.

Why are you concerned about your daughter sleeping on the floor though? Do you think she'll overhear her mum having sex with the new boyfriend? Surely your ex wouldn't do this, when there's a child sleeping in the room?

I don't know how you raise this. Your ex has form for paying no attention to you.

What does your daughter think?

He is the child's father and he has written many other posts.

Why was most deleted, all I said was are you the dad

You asked if he was a troll.

Ah thanks, didn't know that was not allowed, seen the same question asked many times.

It's against the TGs. You're not allowed to troll hunt.

If you think someone is a troll, you should report them to MNHQ.

OK will do, I thought troll hunting meant you look them up on previous posts.

No, it means openly suggesting they're trolls in a thread.

@TheShellBeach

Why are you concerned about your daughter sleeping on the floor though? Do you think she'll overhear her mum having sex with the new boyfriend? Surely your ex wouldn't do this, when there's a child sleeping in the room?

You don't think privacy and safety of the child would be a priority for any parent?

Who brings an unrelated man into a bedroom with their child

@TheShellBeach

Yes I am concerned about her overhearing them. I don't know whether she would have sex in the room quietly if she thought my daughter were asleep.

Anyway. Enough of the derailment.

OP what does your daughter think about this? And does your son stay over with his mum? If so, where does he sleep?

Has she mentioned this to you?

What is your concern exactly?
How long has the boyfriend known the child and what kind of relationship do they have?
Have you had a conversation with your ex about it?

You've misunderstood.
I was agreeing with the OP that this is inappropriate.

@TheShellBeach

Sorry.

She likes sleeping in the room, I asked her if she ever wakes up (a gently probing question) and she said that she does because the boyfriend snores. She hasn't heard anything, but it just feels a bit inappropriate to me.

Maybe they avoid having sex when she's there?

@ElderMillenials Both of my kids suffer levels of neglect, and my son possibly abuse in the past (he currently has an Early Help Worker). My daughter suffers less than my son, for example she lives 6 days a week with her mum but has never been taken for a haircut by her mum, her mum wasn't taking her to the dentists and she had to have a rotten tooth pulled. With her mum, where you would expect a certain level of care to be there, it isn't always there and so with my daughter sleeping in her room mum and mums boyfriend, it feels slightly concerning to me.

can you apply for full custody of your children OP?

It's more than inappropriate and I'm surprised at people thinking this is ok so long as they don't have sex. A 6 year old girl should have her own safe and private space not share a room with a boyfriend of her mum.

Could you apply for more / full custody? If there's a documented history of abuse you'll have a fighting chance.

Given the background of the situation- I can understand your concerns @rob38 But as your daughter is happy to do this, and she sleeps on the floor and not in the bed… I don’t think there is an issue with this. Perhaps on other areas of your ex’s behaviours but not here. Maybe you could offer to get something for her bedroom that might encourage her to sleep there instead? I am assuming she sleeps in her own bed when at yours- so maybe a conversation about what it is that stops her from doing so at home with Mum? It could be something simple like it’s colder or noisier which could be fixed.
FWIW my dd was 6 when my husband and I met and she often ended up coming through to my bed when he was there. She always slept in my side if necessary and eventually we got a mattress for the floor for her. There was never anything bad about that- it gave her security and meant she didn’t feel like she couldn’t have comfort or company just because he was there.

@Flyeeeeer I have tried in the past and not been able too.

I find it weird that she sleeps on the floor. What is she sleeping on? She should have her own bedroom with a bed in it. If she chooses to come into her mums bed during the week then so be it but her mum should make sure she has a bed to sleep in for when her boyfriend is there. If your daughter won't sleep in her own bed then I think your ex needs to save her sleepovers for when your daughter is at your house.