Breastfeeding - should I cut my losses or persevere?

[Strawberry06]

DS is one week old today and I have been attempting to BF.

When he was born he had jaundice and spent 48 hours under phototherapy. Because of this I had no choice but to top him up with formula after expressing to the staff how much I wanted to BF so we agreed we would try him at the breast first before the top up. He was incredibly sleepy and absolutely not interested in feeding.

Anyway we've only been out of hospital 2 days and I am struggling so bad.

I can manage to feed him during the day but I wonder if he's getting enough? At night he just screams and there's no way of settling him unless he sleeps on my chest. I fear he's still hungry.

I had a visit from a BF specialist today and she said his latch was good and that he wouldn't stay on as long as he does if he wasn't getting enough. But she also asked that when I was feeding him, was my other breast leaking which it wasn't and so I squeezed it and showed her the amount. She said at this stage it should be squirting out. She sorted out the hire of a pump for me and said I should express but I tried it and found it so painful. She said I should especially be doing it at 2am as this is the magic hour yet it's now 3am and the opportunity has passed as DS has been sleeping on me the past hour. I also squeezed my boob and barely anything came out. She also said I need to be waking him every 2 hours to feed which is time I feel I could be sleeping if he is, especially if he doesn't at night.

I'm wondering if those first few days in hospital where I couldn't feed him was when my milk came in has killed our bf journey before it began? Or considering I had a section, it's only starting to come in now?

For reference he was 8lb7 and when weighed on day 5 he's only lost 1% (by some miracle!)

But I've had absolutely no sleep the past two nights, my head feels like it's about to explode cause I have the worst headache and just feel like I can't go on like this.

My mum said there's no shame switching to formula and that I need to think of myself and ultimately what's best for DS. She herself didn't have enough milk, nor did my granny or my sister so I'm wondering if it's hereditary?

My friend who breastfed says not to lose hope and that I can do it if I want to. She says it's normal newborn behaviour however you feed.

DH has been brainwashed by the feeding class we attended where there was a huge emphasis on 'breast is best' and isn't impressed with spending money on formula but will support my decision as he knows how much I'm struggling.

I really just don't know what to do for the best. My head says put him on formula but my heart says don't give up. I'll feel like such a failure if I give up but equally I want to enjoy the newborn stage which currently I am not.

If he hasn't lost much weight, I'd give it another week. It took a while for my milk to come in too. My health visitor was making noises about ds needing to switch to formula when suddenly it all came right and he regained the weight he'd lost.

I suspect your ds is getting enough if he's feeding during the day. My ds slept mostly on my chest, too, we had the bed to ourselves and I slept slightly propped up.

Maybe your consultant knows better but personally I would never wake a sleeping baby unless it was absolutely unavoidable. At that stage sleep is too precious.

Whatever you do, don't feel guilty though. As long as your baby is fed, you're doing fine.

@Meadowfinch it's to get my supply going I guess. But yes we got back from a trip in the car and he was fast asleep in his carry cot, he might have confined sleeping and I could have napped but no I felt pressure to wake him so I could feed him

Sorry you're having this experience OP. The severity of your headache stood out - have you had it checked out?

Before my supply regulated I would leak from the other boob but it never squirted out so I wouldn't be looking for that as the measure.

There are resources online for safe chestsleeping eg Cosleepy on instagram.

Hey, I had a similar situation and I feel for you!! The first few weeks are so tough and worrying about your breast milk all the time doesn’t help!
So a bit about my situation in the hope it’s helpful. Also has a c section and baby was in hospital with low blood sugar (due to low milk supply) for 3 days. Had to give formula in hospital - DD blood sugar was too low and needed bringing up urgently. I honestly thought my BF journey was over but I bought a pump and combi fed. I made sure I BF in the early hours (2am - 4am) and I pumped any time I got chance. Even just for 5 mins - don’t stress about what comes out. I got very little in the first few days. Like you I never leaked in the first week or so (this did come a bit later but never excessively).
I also bought golaxtogil (Amazon) not sure if it really helped but made me feel better! DD didn’t gain a lot of weight in first week and I felt such a pressure to FF by the midwives. I always made sure DD was full by topping up with Formula but she was BF first.
After about 2 weeks I was EBF!! It was very very tough and I had a lot of support - partner and family did all cooking/cleaning. Took baby for a nap in the day so I could sleep etc. support is vital!!! I honestly couldn’t have done it without help. So call on everyone and anyone!!
I Agree with your mum, there is no shame in switching to formula. If it’s what you need to do and feels right go for it. But I also know I felt a ridiculous draw to BF and I was adamant I was going to do it! If you’re feeling that way I just wanted to give you a positive story that it can happen!
I’m 12 months in now and although it’s not always easy I am super glad it worked in the end for me. Good luck on your journey - I wish you all the best!!

Also try to feed whilst DS is still asleep if you are holding him. Just lower him to your nipple and you might find he latches in his sleep and has a little feed without really waking!

Im 7 weeks into bf my newborn.

i do feel for you because you get lots of advice and it’s all conflicting. So many midwives/hvs advised me slightly different things.

i would go with your gut and your instinct on whether to wake your ds. If you feel you’d rather sleep, then take the opportunity. If you feel you need to feed him, wake him, change his nappy first and then put him to the breast to see if he latches.

remember all the crying at the breast is normal to make the milk supply come in. The crying, fussing baby signals to the breast to produce milk and is part of nature.

if I was you I wouldn’t worry about pumping at 2am specifically. Just try it whenever you can. If it hurts your nipples, you might need a lower setting or smaller nipple flange?
or maybe wait a bit to pump? I didn’t pump until week 2 when I got engorged/ blocked duct. Which felt painful at the time but now I know exactly how to sort.

im 7 weeks in and love bf. My advice is listen to your instincts and trust your body. If you want to introduce some formula, that’s also fine. Just every bottle of formula, try to pump as it encourages your boob to keep producing. 💐

Hmmm...To keep an 8lb baby close to birth weight you are doing something right. Anddddd It's only been a week.

If you want to breastfeed keepngpijg and id maybe try pumping for a week or two and see how you go. I hated hand expressing but found pumps great and it increased supply.

That said I personally found BF close to impossible despite combined feeding for 4m. My baby had a shit latch at despite throwing ££££ at it nothing worked and it wrecked my mental health and i should have quit sooner...

For now....
If you dont want to BF... switch to formula.
If you so want to but think you are doing it wrong... persevere.

Reassess in 3 weeks.

OK so I feel like you have a lot of people making you over think things and worry too much. Your baby is only 1 week old, cluster feeding at night is totally normal. My baby is 10 weeks old and EBF, and he cluster fed all night for a while - god it was tough, but totally normal. If he is having plenty of wet and dirty nappies, and is gaining weight, I don't think you need to worry about supply. My other boob didn't leak this early either, it defo got that way after my supply was established, but not this early on. It has never squirted out either, I have never heard of this happening!! Your boobs can squirt when the let down kicks in, but normally from the boob you are feeling from.

I absolutely agree that there is nothing wrong with formula, but if you want to keep BF, then I honestly think you can. The two things to look out for is weight gain and nappies - if they are fine, then baby is feeding well and your supply is fine.

Some of us just have babies who love the boob. My 10 week old has been an awful sleeper since day 1, and having an awful night so far - all he wants is boob. But my supply is great, and he is thriving. What helped us get a bit more sleep was swaddling, and warming the cot sheet before placing him in.i also try and settle him when he wakens to make sure he does want milk (maybe a bit early for you to be doing that though) He really didn't like to be put down in the early days but I didn't want to co sleep so I persevered. He's not bad at going in his cot now, he just wakens a lot for a feed 😅

You're doing a great job. He's still tiny!

My best friend who is a midwife had a very similar situation to you. She said it did take weeks to get her supply up to the full amount where she dodn’t need to top up with formula. However she said it was incredibly tough and she wouldn’t have been able to do it without close support from her mum who is also a midwife. And she didn’t have a c section.

My son never latched and I pumped for 5 months, never had anywhere near enougy supply. Pumping is bloody awful and literally double the work. I have just had my second baby and apart from a bit of colostrum (which i still struggled to get out, i’ve gone straight to formula with no regrets and had such a better time with my own wellbeing for it.

Absolutely no shame in switching to formula and many women do it due to breastfeeding issues. The whole ‘breast is best’ thing is actually bollocks, as a lot of the time it doesn’t work. If it does, great, but a lot of the time it doesn’t and formula is life saving.

Keep going. Don’t give up. It takes a few days for your milk to come through properly and it takes a few weeks for the supply to stabilise. I would leave off pumping until at least the first 2 weeks have passed to give your boobs chance to adjust to producing. Pumping can overstimulate. Newborns have just spent almost 10 months inside you, they don’t want to be left alone. They want physical contact. It all sounds perfectly normal. Keep putting baby to your nipple when he cries and encourage him to latch, the oxytocin from skin to skin will stimulate your milk supply. The first few weeks are hard, contact nap as much as possible. Don’t wake a sleeping baby either, that’s bad advice. Let them sleep, if they were hungry they would wake up and cry. My boy slept constantly at first. Breast milk is always the best option for your baby, just give yourself time.

If he’s back up to birthweight at 1 weight then you are producing enough for him. I say keep going and reassess in a week.
Also call your hospital/midwives about that headache. Sometimes preeclampsia happens after the birth. You need to get that ruled out.

Thanks all. DH took him at 4am so I could get some sleep. I'm now back in bed with him on my chest while my tears fall on his head and my headache is no better.

The midwife is coming today as she's aware I'm struggling. I just don't know how to function and can't see us ever doing anything or going anywhere cause I'm just so exhausted.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding a baby formula. My son went into special care when he was born partly because he wasn’t feeding and no one on the ward realised it was a problem (“just keep trying!” springs to mind) until he failed his newborn check. The doctor was visibly shocked that he’d been left so long without being offered formula as he’d had nothing at all from birth. He ended up tube fed and then on bottles. If I’m honest, the whole experience put me off breast feeding. I’m still angry when I think about it. I did try to express while he was in special care and the staff were really supportive but my milk never came in and I decided to move on. I was always open to bottles anyway and that worked well for us. Baby gained back the lost weight and has consistently been in the 90th per centile for height and weight ever since. Interestingly, in our circle of 6 he was the only baby who didn’t get sick in his first year and has no skin complaints… and yet all the other babies were breastfed! Just shows genetics probably have a lot to do with it.

Breast feeding is great, from what I hear, when it goes well. Not so great when it’s making mum miserable. Two of my best friends did it: one of them it went so smoothly that she did it with both daughters for a year and raved about it, the other made herself ill setting alarms in the night to wake up and express because her baby wouldn’t latch (and funnily enough, she didn’t do it with her next two!).

Do what’s best for you op. Baby will flourish regardless of what milk they get. The newborn stage is tough, don’t let anyone pressure you into making it any harder. If you want to give it another week, go for it. If you know you’ve reached the end, give yourself permission to move on and do not feel guilty about it! (Also if you have the money, invest in a perfect prep machine. Lots of people sell them second hand. They make a bottle at the correct temp in about 3 minutes and are a god send for the night feeds!). Good luck.

Hum I'm slightly worried about your BF expert. As what she says isn't true, not all women leak and not all women can express also. She should know this.

As your baby hasn't lost much weight then he sounds like he's doing well and yes wanting to feed all night is totally normal. Initially BF is hormonal driven for the first few weeks upto 4-6, having a section can delay your milk coming in. But if you baby is having lots of wet nappies then the milk is going in. Feeding often will help increase your supply but nothing in your post stands out to me as a supply issue.

The best thing that anyone every did for me was to show me how to feed lying down. Even if you don't want to cosleep, this can really help you get some rest. Look for some good videos on how to.

The headache is most likely dehydration plus a bit of lack of sleep, but do mention it to the midwife. I had similar after DC2 and found the only way to get rid of it was to drink almost constantly one day. Although don't drink more and a litre and hour as you can drink to much.

The waking up, unfortunately until he's putting weight on then it is best to wake him up for feeds as what can happen is they get sleepy if they don't get enough milk. And night feeds are really important for supply. I wouldn't be worried about pumping though especially as your finding that difficult, it just adds an extra complexity and baby is the most efficient person at removing milk.

You have said you have been told your latch is good. Please google DrJack Newman and watch his videos on a Good latch, they are very good. I'm taking it they aren't painful and he comes off the breast happy and content some of the time.

Did you have a complicated birth? There are loads of things that will temporarily affect milk supply for a week or so.

Sorry if this is a patronising question but are you drinking enough? It's easy to forget to in the early days.

Obviously do what's best for you in the long run.

Oh and it's bloody hard having a newborn baby, this will pass and as another poster whom is now at 7 weeks has said it will get easier.

The first 4-6 weeks are really hard going with a newborn (no matter how they are fed) and it does take this time to establish BF, but once you've got it then it should be easier from then on.

Oh the other thing I meant to say: our lovely special care nurse recommended a Moses basket for sleeping and swaddling because babies in special care are used to being quite enclosed in the incubators and often have like a big rolled up towel round them to prevent them getting tangled up in their wires. We had a Next To Me but the nurse said he’d probably find that strange because there’d be too much space round him. Luckily a friend had given us an old Moses basket and we used that for sleep until he outgrew it. We also swaddled -with variable results, my mum was the best at it- and bought a sort of swaddle sleepbag thing. Could be a coincidence but he did go happily for sleeps and naps in his Moses basket. We still did contact naps but never had to hold him for sleeps.

I’m not suggesting you go out and buy new things but just because you mentioned being in the hospital longer, I’m wondering if your baby might also be used to the small incubator.

I wish people would stop try to push perfect prep machines the NHS does not recommend them as they don't prepare the formula correctly and I'd never buy a second hand one as they can get really manky inside. I've seem some awful photos.

There are safer and easy ways to prepare bottles of formula recommend by NICE that only involve a kettle.

You're doing everything right, you've also done the hardest bit so if you keep going for a few weeks it'll all get easier. But those weeks are shit, no one tells you how frankly awful it is having a newborn. I didn't sleep for longer than 30 mins for weeks. But it does get better. I'd you keep going the breastfeeding will pan out just fine as it sounds like you're doing everything right as long as baby is having wet and dirty nappies.

DP and I pulled shifts the first four weeks with DS1 and DS2. They didn't like sleeping anywhere but on a person. It meant I could get a chunk of 3-4 hours sleep, which was essential. We had a rota, so when I was awake holding a baby I at least knew when the end was in sight.

When is DS1 due to be weighed again? I also didn't squirt / leak or anything. I did exclusively pump when DS2 was in NICU, and 2-4am is a key window for pumping for supply. I also had to wake DS2, but that's because he didn't have the energy to wake himself. And that was pretty apparent. DS2 really struggled to put on weight, but his nappy output was fine and that was what his paediatrician was most concerned about.

DS1, in contrast, was a champion eater and rocketed up the centile charts. He still went through that witching hour period where it felt like something was desperately wrong with him. I think with formula you do have that certainty that they've eaten the correct amount, breastfeeding is more nerve wracking because you just don't know. But I think the first 6 weeks are just really tough no matter how they are fed.

Stick to it, BF is so beneficial for your baby. It's hard to start, but then it will come easy. Use lots of lanolin creme and breast patches, and try different positions. It took about 3 weeks for me, I often wanted to give up but so glad I stuck to it. Once it's established, breastfeeding is so easy, but mostly it's the best thing for your baby.

If you clean the machine properly then it’s actually no different to making with a kettle. Calm down.

It's really really rough. I had major issues with my first, but breastfeeding was very important to me so I did persevere and I'm glad I did. I did need to top up with small amounts of formula long-term but my kids got 90% breast milk.

The main thing that helped me was getting a private IBCLC out. I know you said you had a breastfeeding specialist out - not sure if this was NHS or private. I found the NHS support poor, even from the infant feeding team. The IBCLC knew her stuff and sorted me out.

Either way, it was hard work and I did have to pump to increase supply as well as feed at least every 2 hours (I was allowed 1x 5 hour break to sleep where DH took a shift and fed a bottle). It did mean waking a sleeping baby in the beginning which I was loathe to do but it was essential to increase supply. I aslo used breast compressions whilst he was latched to physically pump the milk out.

i think the keys for me were - don't give up on a bad day. And feed feed feed. With my second I was more prepared and in the beginning I fed her every 1-2 hours (any prep basically) and she had a lot less problems.

Op honestly please don’t put yourself through this.

What exactly is your worry about not breastfeeding?

Stick to it IF YOU WANT TO.

I've had two babies and with C-section milk has come in late both times. Baby lost more weight than ideal, both times. With a combination of quickly tapering formula supplements and expressing was able to BF first for 2 years and second for 16 months and still going.

I have never been able to express and never leaked much. I used the pump to stimulate supply but even when I had a fat chunky baby who was clearly thriving I could never express more than a few ml. Some people just can't. It's not a guide.

If he's not losing weight he's getting enough. The crying, the difficulty - they don't mean you're doing anything wrong. It's just how it is.

I could never settle my two demons without holding them either, hunger is one reason for crying but absolutely not the only one. DS2 screamed every night for the first few months of life held or not.

Don't pressure yourself to enjoy the very early weeks. Just focus on getting through. Enjoyment will come.

Your DH needs to support what YOU want to do and not grudgingly either.

You can absolutely BF from this point it sounds like, sounds to me like you're doing great, but you need to consider what works for you too.

The headache - I had this and it was a combination of exhaustion and low blood sugar - I've heard BF drops your blood sugar a bit, dunno if it's true. Anyway I got rid of it by eating dates, which made me feel so much better and some studies have shown to boost milk production. Worth mentioning to MW though of course in case it's something serious.

I was always told that sleep, hydration, food, don't make any difference to BF but I've found they do.

Good luck and take care of yourself.