Should I be worried DS only plays with girls

[frostyfeb1]

My DS5 (almost 6) is in Y1 he is a gorgeous, kind & funny boy. He's always been gentle and empathetic. Since he was in nursery he's always had firm friendships with the girls in his class. He doesn't really enjoy football or rough play (although he loves rough play with his brother at home). When he was first at school he loved magic and loved to play wizards and frozen - ice powers were of course the coolest kind of powers he could imagine 😂. However he now loves more "traditionally" boy things especially dinosaurs and sea creatures. I've never had an issue with him playing with the girls before except now he's started to notice he's the only not invited to girls parties and says things like boys don't want to play with me only the girls and I'm worried as he gets older and the girls get more close knit he will begin to be left out and lonely. For example the last few years have been mixed birthday parties but this year it's started to segregate and he's been invited to a few mixed parties and 3 all girls but no all boy parties but there have also been all girls parties held by his friends he's not invited too. Lots of the girls have play dates outside school or go to dance classes etc together. My son does go to judo and swimming outside school but doesn't seem to have formed any friendships here - maybe they are more solitary clubs if that makes sense. Just wondering if there are any other mums who've experienced similar with friendship groups and how it turned out for your children as they moved through school?

Sorry don't have much to add but I'm in the exact same boat with my DS so watching with interest!

What exactly are you worried about? If you could explain that but it might help with the answers. I know people who mostly just played with with one sex (siblings included!!). They’re grown up to be fully functioning adults.

I think I'm worried he's going to start being left out as the girls start becoming closer and engaging in more girls only activities? I don't even know really I'm worried he will start it think he's different or that the ship will sail for him making friends with some of the boys who are starting to pair off more and more and that eventually he will be left out or lonely at school?

My now-8yr old was like this - was good friends with several girls in his class from reception onwards, and still is, but the difference is now that his group is mixed, and his main best mate is a boy. He still has the girls round for (individual) playdates though, and is very blasé about supposedly "gendered" things - he doesn't seem to have noticed what other kids perceive as "boy" or "girl" toys/clothes/colours etc. He wanted to play a LOT of Frozen/Encanto/hosue-type games in YR-Y2 breaktimes and I think that led him to the girls 😁

He's a lot "girlier" than a lot of boys in terms of the things I've mentioned above - clothes, colours, programmes, very fond of cute things like baby animals, and indeed human babies (although down with gender norms! Etc etc), and is extremely comfortable with that - long may it continue, tbh.

When my oldest son was 4-6 years old, he played a lot with girls and just as you described he was left out of birthday parties and I was scared he wouldn’t make any friends. Then he found a sensitive quiet boy in his class who was a lot like him and they became friends. But somehow the friendship didn’t run that deep. So when they went to different secondary schools they never met again and my son was without friends for a while. But recently he found a sensitive and quiet boy and they do schoolprojects together and some online gaming.

I guess I just need to accept he does things differently than most boys and rely on it he will eventually find someone. He is just not that sociable person who has loads of friends and he needs more time to feel comfortable with someone. It is more my problem of accepting who he is, than it is his problem, i guess.

This is DS to a T. He is gentle and has always instinctually got on better with girls, loves jewellery, soft toys and pink. He does have friends among the boys as well but at age ten is only just beginning to make firm friends with one of who shares his major hobby. For his birthday parties he invites as many girls as boys. Most of them don’t invite him back now (as I have pointed out to him) I assume because they are having very girly parties now. But he is fine with that and happy to be his own person. My major concern, like yours OP, is that eventually the girls will cut him out. But I have been reassured that even in senior school girls and boys are friends together 🤞🏻😕

One of my boys was like this and he still has quite a few girl friends and all of his boy friends are lovely gentle souls. This weekend he was out for tea with a nice mixed group of four girls and three lads, one of each group is gay and there are all sorts of ethnicities represented and they are all bloody lovely. I feel the early adoption of girls as friends was a sign of good friendship and communication skills. These are not only girl things but maybe there is a bias that way.

I'd sign him up to a team sport outside of school. What about cricket 🏏 if he doesn't like football?

Agree with @Passthepickle. All of my boys gravitated towards girls at preschool age, I think its because girls generally speaking (gets hard hat out👷‍♀️) are more advanced with speech and imaginative play whereas boys tend to be more boisterous and run about a lot more at playtimes. My boys weren't typical (still aren't as adults!) and just seemed to have more in common with the girls at that stage but it didn't stop them having a good mixture of friends of both sexes throughout school as their interests evolved. (Even if it was chess club rather than rugby😉)

Worried he might get girl germs?

Sure of you genuinely think there is a specific behaviour or something to be really concerned about that you or the school have raised sure fine issue but just playing with girls is not weird

He doesn’t need male friends. If those are the friends he gets on with, then just continue to nurture those friendships and make sure you invite the girls to his party and for playdates etc.

My 11 yr r old girl only plays with, and is best friends with, three other boys, who hang around outside of, and inside school together. I have no concern. They are friends.

I think it can be hard when they have mostly friends of the opposite sex because often they are left out of parties, especially sleepovers, increasingly so as they grew older. My daughter had almost exclusively male friends and she'd often be either left out or a parent would call me and ask if I would be comfortable with her attending given she'd be the only female. Over time the parents did become more relaxed about it thankfully.

She's older now and it's more evenly balanced between male and female but she remains very comfortable in male company. I think she prefers their usually more straight forward communication style and perhaps your son's communication melds well with the girls he socialised with.

I am not disputing you personally but I find more and more it is parents that stick the same sex party invites not the children, I find it sad, growing up all my friends and I played with both girls and boys and we all had mixed parties
this 'oh we have to invite all the girls/boys' is the issue

Sorry what do you mean by 'stick the same sex party invites not the children'

Do you mean stop?

Sorry badly worded I meant I notice parents say to their children 'how many girls do you want to invite to your party' type things it is the parents that decide it is a same sex party not the birthday child themselves

Oh okay, yes I'm sure some parents make such assumptions. I don't know in every circumstance but I do know that sometimes the boys themselves were worried the other boys in the group would tease them or their fathers (who presumedly didn't believe cross-gender friendships were possible). Or concern for her safety in overnight sleepovers.

I posted about the same thing recently

Honestly, he's fine.

He has friends, he isn't being bullied, he clearly has some social skills.

You have to let them make their own friends in their own time, only intervene if something bad is happening.

12 year old DS has only had girl friends all the way through. He didn't really make friends until 5 or 6. I made friends with a group of boys' mums, and he went to lots of parties with the boys/we invited over for play dates. In the end he chose his own girl friends. Still good friends with them in year 7. He does miss out on sleepovers but still gets invited to their parties. I always worry that the girls will move on, but probably should stop worrying! My DS is quiet and not into anything sporty.

I grew up spending most of my time playing with boys and my early teenage friendships were also with two boys.

As long as your son has a friend of any kind, I'd not worry. I don't get the same-sex parties for children and it's a shame some parents don't see the value in just inviting children their child likes spending time with, not just every boy or girl in the class to the exclusion of the rest. It's a bit old fashioned and you'd think we would have moved on nowadays.

Mine was like this until yr4. Mostly because the boys didn’t do imaginative play and were rougher. Now he’s yr 8, is very into sport and gaming - mostly hangs out with boys but has a few girls he’d still hang out with.

I used to have 1 week play date with his girl best friend and the following week had a different child so he maintained broader friendship groups.

I wouldn't worry at all at age 6 if he is happy with his choice of friends. If you wanted to give him opportunities to build friendships with boys you could think about signing him up for Beavers or karate or bring him to junior parkrun - obviously these are open to everyone but I notice in my area the non football-obsessed boys tend to do these activities.

My son loves hanging out with girls (they're so much cooler). He curses us for sending him to a boys secondary. But hey! There are a few boys there similar to him, It's not necessary to have a gang. They find their way. It's nothing to worry about.

Yep absolutely agree - there might be a window as pre teens where sleepovers are the done thing for the girls and he doesn’t get invited, you can guide him through that. Once he gets a little older and birthdays are less planned by parents and more “here’s some money to meet your mates for bowling and pizza” mixed sex parties become more common again. My friendship group throughout secondary was mixed and we are all still really close in our 30’s - we still socialise with the ‘school group’, and as most are married sometimes the girls (+wives and girlfriends) will go off and do our own thing and the boys will go off as a group too. Completely agree with the poster who suggested beavers / scouts as a way of mixing with more boys and making new friends in an environment that isn’t always boisterous and sport-centred!