What makes somebody a good mother?

[tryingforbaba]

My life's mission is to be the best mother I can be to my children (18 months & currently pregnant with 2nd)

I realise it's very subjective but I'm interested to know... what do YOU think makes somebody a good/ great/ fantastic mother?

I have two young children and it is also my life mission.

I try my best to always listen and show an interest in everything, no matter how trivial it seems. I try and make an effort to join in with their playing, to read them stories every night. To treat them when I can but not spoil them, I couldn't afford to even if I wanted to.

I always try and give them reassurance and talk positively about everything they can do and are good at.

I just love them so much and I want them to feel that love and know how special they are.

@Windy1234

That's lovely, you sound like a wonderful mummy. 🩷

Creating a calm, stable and probably pretty boring environment for them to have their adventures and know they are loved and all will be well.

@Windy1234 I agree with reassurance & interest in what they're telling you.

@TheSuggestedAmendment

Yes, stability is huge isn't it. Love that.

Not long finished reading The Nurture Revolution by Greer Kirschenbaum. I’m not sure if it’s the right way to be a mum but the information in it sits well with me and I hope to use it to help my DS grow into a well rounded human. I’d recommend it, especially if you have littlies!

Thank you, they are my whole wide world and sometimes as daft as it sounds, it hurts how much I love them.

They have such a close relationship and I feel so blessed to be their mum 🥰 I'm not perfect and have got cross with them etc before, and do find myself scrolling on my phone rather than playing with them and I always end up feeling guilty when that happens. But I know that they know how much I love them x

@Marfs10

Ooooh thanks for the book recommendation... will definitely have a read x

Love them and support them to build confidence, resilience and equip them with lifeskills.

@Windy1234

We all get cross sometimes- were human. And we all find ourselves zoning out and scrolling from time to time too .... after the 28th rendition of incy wincy spider 🤣

I genuinely love just being with my daughter. Playing, reading... it's my happy place 🩷

@DinnaeFashYersel

What life skills do you think are important for them to learn? X

To show kindness, to listen to them properly and for them to know they are loved and nothing they could do would change that😍

Well OP some kids are easier than others so parenting can't be judged. There are kids from neglectful parents who turn out great, others from good parents who did everything right yet they still fall by the wayside. The probability each way is small though than the opposite.
IMO a good parent understands their children. Doesn't force them into an 'ideal' mould. Different approaches work with different kids. Of course kids should be taught good values kindness, discipline etc but what drives them is different depending on their personalities.
With so many mental health issues, social media etc it's a job that only gets harder!

For life skills I don’t have any particular skills really but just resilience to try again and to have confidence in their own abilities. If it is possible to instill this somehow

This with bells on

I think as parents we are gardeners and probably about 10-20% nurture the rest is nature

I wish I knew to be honest! I have three kids and think I'm... adequate? I mean I love them, obviously, but young children are so incredibly boring a lot of the time that I'm probably not as engaged as I could be with some of the things they enjoy.

Things I'm good at - active stuff, anything outdoors, reading with them, baking, any kind of 'activity' really. I set a good example with things like fitness and reading for pleasure and DH sets an excellent example by volunteering for a few different things in the community. We both work part time so are 'there' pretty much all the time but obviously have less money as a result!

Things I'm bad at - not giving a shit about mess (MIL is great at that, she lets them do loads of messy things and isn't phased), anything to do with role playing, restricting screen time, following through with punishments, making them eat their greens etc etc etc

It's a balance and I think you can do your best but it's pointless trying to be perfect and it's also pointless to try and fight against your own personality. I think as long as you are doing your best, your kids are safe, fed and know that they are loved, it's probably ok.

Providing a loving, happy, secure home for them. Develop a good trusting relationship with them and trust them and their decisions as they grow into adulthood, be realistic and don’t make promises you may not be able to keep. Help them to learn the difference between want and need, including the value of money. Set good examples by showing compassion and empathy for others. Help them to build resilience as they’re growing. Fill their lives with experiences, they don’t have to cost anything. Always have an ear ready to listen and teach them to be listeners too. Have humour in your lives, a sense of humour can help throughout the most difficult times. Welcome and include their friends into your home life. Build their confidence little by little each and every day and celebrate their achievements with them. Try and see the world through their eyes and enjoy the journey.

All of the above but also to not do too much for them and to let them struggle occasionally. I find this the hardest because I naturally want to do everything/fix everything for them but I know resilience and independence comes from not being afraid try even if they don’t succeed.

It's not my life's mission, but I listen to my children and answer their questions, and find out the answers if I don't know. I talk to them about their interests and do activities they want to do. I let them have choices where it's appropriate, encourage them to be responsible for themselves. My partner and I model respect and positive interactions, but they also sometime see us cross, angry, upset, sad so that they know it's ok to feel those things and then work through them. And so on and so on,

I would like them to become competent independent adults, with a baseline of confidence and happiness that they can move forward with. Obviously, you can't always succeed with that as a PP has mentioned - mental illness and other issues can affect anyone at anytime.

Teach my girl her worth and not to let men treat her bad or as lesser. Teach my boy not to treat women that way. This means they both help with housework they both are told to be kind and considerate and I constantly tell my dd to use critical thinking when she's being told to suffer for the benefit of the louder more challenging boys.

I was raised 'well' my parents were together we never moved house we had holidays and I did well in school. I keep house well I care for kids well and I am a good cook etc etc. But I was not taught my value or what is acceptable treatment for women so I ended up with an abusive husband. This is a huge part of good parenting in my opinion there is such terrible problems in so many relationships we have to make sure we teach the next generation better.

Then it's life skills like money management, cooking cleaning and independence.

And that no matter what I will love them and they can come to me even if they have done wrong or are embarrassed I will help them if they need. And this applies even when they are adults. My children will always have a home with me if they need it but I hope they will be capable of not needing it

This

The hardest thing is watching them go through hard times and struggle. But it’s so important to build their resilience. Helicopter parenting is really bad for them once they start to grow and are safe yet so many parents continue to smooth the way for their kids not realising they aren’t helping them long term.

Also I’ve learned a lot of how DC turn out really isn’t anything to do with you as a parent. Do your best, love them and support them but know you can’t influence everything.

I think a good parent teaches good manners, politeness and puts boundaries in place before the age of 5. I think if the work is put into this then, it makes life much easier later on.

I think a good parent encourages and instils confidence. I think they make time for adventure, days out and sport with their children. They don’t pressure and they’re not interested in competing with others, they’re proud of their children’s accomplishments and achievements.

And I think they’re good with their children at every stage. I also think hugs are so important. My ds’s (17 & 19) still hug me unashamedly!

I am lucky enough to have a very good mum. Here are some of the things she did that I'm particularly grateful for:

• encourage independence but be available to offer support as needed
• behave consistently: try not to let your mood affect how you respond to your children, and if you tell them you're going to do something (positive or negative) then do it
• not quite sure how to phrase this, but try not to expose the children too much to your problems, especially when they are actually children. Don't use them as a substitute for a partner/friend/therapist and don't rely on them in a way that holds them back
• model the behaviour that you would like to see in your children, e.g. if you want them to say please and thank you, make sure you use those words to/around them
• tell them you love them regularly and without reservation or embarrassment

Accept that no one is good at parenting all of the time and that being present is more important than material things.