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Negative experience at 6 month old's nursery - am I overreacting

40 replies

NC457 · 23/02/2024 19:08

so I live really rurally - the nearest town that has a day care is 1 hr and 15 mins away from our village. There is only one that will accept under 2's so didn't have a lot of choice. My son is the only one there under one year old and the staff there keep commenting on how long it has been since they've had to look after a baby his age. They are all nice and seem to care about their job but are clearly very busy - they are 3 children to one adult but mostly have toddlers.

It always feels very chaotic when I'm there and the organisation of his start date was quite poor - I still haven't received a response to the notes I was asked to fill in and send and on his settling in session no-one seemed to know when he would start etc.

Every morning, half an hour after my son arrives they go out for a walk with the big 6 seater buggies. Today I was 5 minutes late because we got stuck behind a tractor, but they were already getting the kids outside to go on the walk, when they'd told me that he'd have time to have a bottle before the walk as its a long journey to town and he doesn't really like to drink much after breakfast so gets hungry at 10am.

I had a bottle made up that would expire in 30 minutes so I told the worker that he had half before we left but if they gave it to him now or took it on the walk he could have it within 30 mins. I had formula measured out for 2 more bottles in his bag with a pouch too, and some mashed sweet potato. I arrived at 3pm to them rushing to give him a bottle, and telling me he'd been refusing milk all day and only had 2oz (he usually has 4-5 8oz bottles a day).

I tried to feed him but he wasnt interested and they told me he had only just had a pouch so would be full. They said they tried him on the sweet potato at lunch time but he didn't eat it and they didn't realise he had a pouch (I told them it was in the front pocket of his bag, with his milk powder). When I left and checked his bag and his notes from them I realised that was the first bottle they had made up today, the 2oz at 12.30 was from the 4 hr old formula. So they fed him old formula that hadn't been in the fridge, and the first thing he ate after breakfast was at 3pm. He got his 2nd full bottle of the day at 4.45pm today because of this and has been quite fussy tonight.

Instantly I feel that my first instinct was right and they don't have enough experience with young babies, and that he is perhaps getting less support because he is very content and will just sit there- he doesn't even really cry when he is hungry and I feel like it's not the best place for him to be. We were just about to up his hours there but now I'm really hesitant to continue, but this would leave me in a pickle childcare wise. Am I overreacting? For context he has an ongoing health issue (craniosynostosis) that he had 2 operations for, and wears an orthotic helmet, and so we are really careful about who looks after him because of his additional needs.

OP posts:
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CucumberBagel · 23/02/2024 19:10

He seems like he needs more specialist care than being lumped in a nursery, especially if he doesn't cry when he's hungry.

NestaArcheron · 23/02/2024 19:13

He sounds like he needs a nanny/child minder.

FlyingAfterDark · 23/02/2024 19:19

They are not used to little babies and you are not used to fitting in with nursery routines…. If you have a chat with them I am sure you can find a way forward. You certainly need to make it easier for them to look after your child, all food in one easy open food bag, no little pockets to go through, don’t change the handover instructions every day only if absolutely necessary etc. Once everyone is in a routine it will be fine x

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Comedycook · 23/02/2024 19:20

I wouldn't be at all happy. Can you afford a nanny? That would be my number one choice considering his extra needs.

NC457 · 23/02/2024 19:23

Comedycook · 23/02/2024 19:20

I wouldn't be at all happy. Can you afford a nanny? That would be my number one choice considering his extra needs.

I can afford one but I live in a very very small village - there aren't any nannies within a 2 hr driving distance

OP posts:
Wallabyone · 23/02/2024 19:24

I wouldn't be happy with that, really. You do sound stuck with being so rural though. Are there any decent childminders there?

Pondering89 · 23/02/2024 19:29

I’d be pissed off too. Doesn’t sound like you have much options nursery wise and I’m not sure how a childminder would be any different if the nursery is 3 to 1, childminders can be 6 to 1. Could you or DH reduce your working hours until he is 2?

Morepieplease · 23/02/2024 19:35

Do you need to/want to send him?

NC457 · 23/02/2024 19:36

Morepieplease · 23/02/2024 19:35

Do you need to/want to send him?

I run 2 businesses and don't have the option of maternity leave, so I need some option of childcare, but I would feel a lot happier if it was someone I knew or smaller ratios with him being so young, but I know those are the national guidelines so can't really grumble about that

OP posts:
NC457 · 23/02/2024 19:39

Pondering89 · 23/02/2024 19:29

I’d be pissed off too. Doesn’t sound like you have much options nursery wise and I’m not sure how a childminder would be any different if the nursery is 3 to 1, childminders can be 6 to 1. Could you or DH reduce your working hours until he is 2?

I can't as I'm the main earner and we really rely on my income - and his Dad refuses to 🙃

OP posts:
Slanketblanket · 23/02/2024 19:39

Can you move? I know that's pretty big but you sound remote and that's going to be miserable for the child anyway, based on my experience of growing up rurally.

NC457 · 23/02/2024 19:40

Wallabyone · 23/02/2024 19:24

I wouldn't be happy with that, really. You do sound stuck with being so rural though. Are there any decent childminders there?

There used to be a great one but she retired :(

OP posts:
NC457 · 23/02/2024 19:45

Slanketblanket · 23/02/2024 19:39

Can you move? I know that's pretty big but you sound remote and that's going to be miserable for the child anyway, based on my experience of growing up rurally.

Good question but I wouldn't want to - it's a stunning place with a great nursery (3+) and primary school - lots of amazing outdoor experiences and learning for kids it's just very very hard when they are wee as no childcare until they are older. It's something we thought about but we both want him to grow up here, it will be worth the struggle now for later.

OP posts:
Wallabyone · 23/02/2024 19:47

Could you perhaps consider advertising for a live-nanny/au pair? If you work from home then that might be a good compromise?

MayMumm · 23/02/2024 19:47

This is not acceptable - I would be furious feeding a baby four hour formula. YANBU. You clearly told them what time the formula ran out maybe speak to them to let them know your concerns. I honestly feel for you it’s so hard finding good care. Was this a one off or do things keep happening?

Isthisexpected · 23/02/2024 19:49

we are really careful about who looks after him because of his additional needs.

^ well not to be rude but this place clearly just want him to slot in with the older ones rather than try to meet his needs as a baby. I would be upset too.

Galeforcewindatmywindow · 23/02/2024 19:55

Can you approach a college with a childcare course? Maybe a student could help you a few hours a day ? Dd has enhanced dbs from her course and is doing some paid hours at her placement after starting her second year... You would also be on hand if that would be better for you /dc too...

Superscientist · 23/02/2024 19:57

NC457 · 23/02/2024 19:45

Good question but I wouldn't want to - it's a stunning place with a great nursery (3+) and primary school - lots of amazing outdoor experiences and learning for kids it's just very very hard when they are wee as no childcare until they are older. It's something we thought about but we both want him to grow up here, it will be worth the struggle now for later.

Do you own your home or rent? If you own is renting some where less rural until they are 3 and then move back? I know it's a pain. We are only slightly rural and found that there wasn't appropriate child care in our town and had to go to the adjacent time.

I would be very unhappy. When my 9 month old start nursery she had breakfast on arrival with formula in the breakfast, a bottle mid morning, offered lunch at 11.30 another bottle mid afternoon and then dinner at 4 pick up at 6 and she has a breastfeed then. At 6 months I would expect some milk offered alongside meals too. When my 2 year old started at her current nursery she had breakfast on arrival, a cup of oat milk mid morning, lunch at 11.30, a cup of oat milk mid afternoon, tea at 3.30 and pick up at 6. So the routine isn't that different to being 9 months. The only real difference was bottles were prior to naps and the oat milk is at a set time you would have to modify your daily routine by too much to fit the needs of a baby alongside those of an older child.

I would ask for clarification for their food and nap schedule and what their policy is for preparing milk and disposable etc.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2024 20:00

I would try to find a nanny who will live-in during the week because this situation is not adequate for your baby. He is being neglected.

fortheloveofpogs · 23/02/2024 20:02

It sounds like he does need a bit of extra attention but also I think you could probably make things a little easier for them too as obviously they are busy.

Could you just send him in ready made formula rather than powder they have to make up and remember to give in a certain time frame?

Use a lunchbox so that everything is together and really obvious.

I think if there's no other options then you just need to make it as easy as possible for them.

SendMeHomeNow · 23/02/2024 20:05

I’d play merry hell. I’ve worked in a nursery with a very young baby, under 3 months. The group leader was the only one who looked after her food, nappies etc. She wasn’t passed around unless she needed a cuddle and the group leader was on her break or something. They should be totally on the ball and not giving him enough milk and old milk is awful. I’d give them one more chance as you don’t have lots of options. I’d be very clear that I was worried and upset and wanted assurances that things will not happen like this again. You want a key member of staff to be responsible for him.

JustJessi · 23/02/2024 20:05

Do you have a spare bedroom? An au pair might be an option. Get yourself on au pair world, and look for an ozzy, Canadian, New Zealand girl (they can get a visa).

Peaceupatown · 23/02/2024 20:07

YANBU, follow your gut instincts

mummaoftwogirls · 23/02/2024 20:13

Yanbu, always go with your gut. They don't sound very competent, they should be well aware about how long formula is safe to use for (I'd be asking to see their policies and procedures) so that should never have happened. Do you have room for a live in nanny until you can put him in the other nursery?

EasyPeelersAreNotTheOnlyFruit · 23/02/2024 20:14

NC457 · 23/02/2024 19:45

Good question but I wouldn't want to - it's a stunning place with a great nursery (3+) and primary school - lots of amazing outdoor experiences and learning for kids it's just very very hard when they are wee as no childcare until they are older. It's something we thought about but we both want him to grow up here, it will be worth the struggle now for later.

2.5 years is a long time to struggle for though. You've got a few options:

A) move (permanently or for 2.5 years)
B) you or DH give up work for 2.5 years
C) find a nanny who will come to you/live in
D) put your child in inadequate childcare

I'd choose one of the first three.