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Negative experience at 6 month old's nursery - am I overreacting

40 replies

NC457 · 23/02/2024 19:08

so I live really rurally - the nearest town that has a day care is 1 hr and 15 mins away from our village. There is only one that will accept under 2's so didn't have a lot of choice. My son is the only one there under one year old and the staff there keep commenting on how long it has been since they've had to look after a baby his age. They are all nice and seem to care about their job but are clearly very busy - they are 3 children to one adult but mostly have toddlers.

It always feels very chaotic when I'm there and the organisation of his start date was quite poor - I still haven't received a response to the notes I was asked to fill in and send and on his settling in session no-one seemed to know when he would start etc.

Every morning, half an hour after my son arrives they go out for a walk with the big 6 seater buggies. Today I was 5 minutes late because we got stuck behind a tractor, but they were already getting the kids outside to go on the walk, when they'd told me that he'd have time to have a bottle before the walk as its a long journey to town and he doesn't really like to drink much after breakfast so gets hungry at 10am.

I had a bottle made up that would expire in 30 minutes so I told the worker that he had half before we left but if they gave it to him now or took it on the walk he could have it within 30 mins. I had formula measured out for 2 more bottles in his bag with a pouch too, and some mashed sweet potato. I arrived at 3pm to them rushing to give him a bottle, and telling me he'd been refusing milk all day and only had 2oz (he usually has 4-5 8oz bottles a day).

I tried to feed him but he wasnt interested and they told me he had only just had a pouch so would be full. They said they tried him on the sweet potato at lunch time but he didn't eat it and they didn't realise he had a pouch (I told them it was in the front pocket of his bag, with his milk powder). When I left and checked his bag and his notes from them I realised that was the first bottle they had made up today, the 2oz at 12.30 was from the 4 hr old formula. So they fed him old formula that hadn't been in the fridge, and the first thing he ate after breakfast was at 3pm. He got his 2nd full bottle of the day at 4.45pm today because of this and has been quite fussy tonight.

Instantly I feel that my first instinct was right and they don't have enough experience with young babies, and that he is perhaps getting less support because he is very content and will just sit there- he doesn't even really cry when he is hungry and I feel like it's not the best place for him to be. We were just about to up his hours there but now I'm really hesitant to continue, but this would leave me in a pickle childcare wise. Am I overreacting? For context he has an ongoing health issue (craniosynostosis) that he had 2 operations for, and wears an orthotic helmet, and so we are really careful about who looks after him because of his additional needs.

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EasyPeelersAreNotTheOnlyFruit · 23/02/2024 20:16

Also if you want another child the struggle will be extended for all least another 1.5 years so 4 years in total!

EasyPeelersAreNotTheOnlyFruit · 23/02/2024 20:17

I would definitely only be sending ready made formula while you sort out another option though.

SendMeHomeNow · 23/02/2024 20:35

EasyPeelersAreNotTheOnlyFruit · 23/02/2024 20:17

I would definitely only be sending ready made formula while you sort out another option though.

It would have been open though if she’d given him half so it would still not have been usable in that situation. It shouldn’t be beyond them to make up milk from powder!

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LuckyOrMaybe · 23/02/2024 20:40

Any chance of persuading the retired childminder to come out of retirement for say 6 months? I remember 20 years back when my eldest was little, we ended up with a childminder by chance (nursery we were on the list for didn't have a place till 3 months after I wanted to go back to work, she was 7 months). I found it felt a better option for under 2s, but once she was 3 she really benefitted from a nursery environment. The youngest started with a childminder part-time then from maybe 15 months did a split week with some days at nursery. I was happy with their nursery but felt glad I'd not needed to have them in the baby room, somehow it didn't give me the same confidence. And of course there are fewer little babies as 12 month maternity leaves have become so much more common.

[actually, thinking about your excellent retired childminder, we moved nextdoor to a childminder when my youngest was born, and I was a bit disappointed when I tentatively approached her, to discover she was about to retire!]

Good luck getting to an arrangement you can feel properly confident with. I do think it is reasonable to have a detailed discussion with the nursery as to how they are expecting to manage your little one, and to get answers that you feel comfortable with and evidence that they are doing as they intend!

EasyPeelersAreNotTheOnlyFruit · 23/02/2024 20:44

SendMeHomeNow · 23/02/2024 20:35

It would have been open though if she’d given him half so it would still not have been usable in that situation. It shouldn’t be beyond them to make up milk from powder!

It shouldn't be, but I wouldn't trust them to do it properly. I wouldn't be sending half used stuff either, only sealed cartons.

Bec945 · 23/02/2024 20:53

Trust your intuition!
Thats a lack of basic care and understanding. They are not meeting babies physical needs. I know You’re in a difficult position but I wouldn’t feel safe sending my baby back there. If they make mistakes like that what other mistakes do they make?
I’d be furious. X

RedDuffle · 23/02/2024 20:55

NC457 · 23/02/2024 19:45

Good question but I wouldn't want to - it's a stunning place with a great nursery (3+) and primary school - lots of amazing outdoor experiences and learning for kids it's just very very hard when they are wee as no childcare until they are older. It's something we thought about but we both want him to grow up here, it will be worth the struggle now for later.

Do you know any other parents locally who use childcare? Can you ask what they do?

I'd be surprised if there is absolutely no local provision if there is a really good 3+ nursery and primary school, surely some of those parents need pre-school childcare?

Could you ask the question on a local Facebook page or something?

Pondering89 · 23/02/2024 23:07

NC457 · 23/02/2024 19:39

I can't as I'm the main earner and we really rely on my income - and his Dad refuses to 🙃

Why does dad refuse? If you’re the breadwinner, there’s no alternative child care and moving is out of the equation, your options are -

  1. Leave 6 month old in substandard care
  2. Ask your DH to respectfully, get his head out of his arse.
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/02/2024 23:13

I wonder if you have any other local mums that you could do a day swap with and have both kids on a day each?
Or get a love in au pair?

If not I'd be looking at moving

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/02/2024 23:13

You could move and rent for a year then come back to your home... put it on air bnb in the mean time

Babyboomtastic · 24/02/2024 00:59

Him staying at the nursery is clearly not in his best interests. I think you either get a nanny, one of you (probably your husband given the situation) takes a career break or you do something drastic like move for a while.

Personally though given he's only 6m old, has already had two surgeries and had additional needs, I'd not want him to go to childcare at the moment. And yes, I've been there and put life and career on hold for a child that needed me more than anticipated. I think your husband needs to step up here, at least for a a while.

MariaVT65 · 24/02/2024 04:29

To be completely honest, I’m not sure I understand your statement in your op about ‘being careful who looks after him because of his additional needs’ when the impression you give in your later posts is that this is literally the only childcare option around for you.

This place clearly doesn’t have what it takes to look after a young baby and I’d be removing him immediately. The set up of your work and location doesn’t sound compatible with you having a small baby tbh if this nursery is your only option.

Your options:

-Move to a better area with more suitable childcare
-Change jobs/sacrifice something here/tell your DH that if he doesn’t want to change his hours, then he’ll get less money from you as you’ll need to reduce your business

MariaVT65 · 24/02/2024 04:30

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/02/2024 23:13

I wonder if you have any other local mums that you could do a day swap with and have both kids on a day each?
Or get a love in au pair?

If not I'd be looking at moving

Au Pairs are not allowed to look after children under 2 years old.

FrancisSeaton · 24/02/2024 04:38

Any chance of persuading the retired childminder to come out of retirement for say 6 months?

Funniest comment I've heard on this site yet. Wtaf

NC457 · 24/02/2024 07:59

MariaVT65 · 24/02/2024 04:29

To be completely honest, I’m not sure I understand your statement in your op about ‘being careful who looks after him because of his additional needs’ when the impression you give in your later posts is that this is literally the only childcare option around for you.

This place clearly doesn’t have what it takes to look after a young baby and I’d be removing him immediately. The set up of your work and location doesn’t sound compatible with you having a small baby tbh if this nursery is your only option.

Your options:

-Move to a better area with more suitable childcare
-Change jobs/sacrifice something here/tell your DH that if he doesn’t want to change his hours, then he’ll get less money from you as you’ll need to reduce your business

Just a poorly worded sentence on my part - I meant we are worried about then looking after him if they can't even do the basic stuff because there is a lot of care required around his helmet and things we need them to keep an eye out for - like red sore patches on his head when they take the helmet off as these can quickly lead to painful irritation and skin pressure for our son, as they're usually a sign the helmet doesn't fit anymore or needs adjusted. I explained this to all of them when he started and they were happy with it and said they'd call me if they saw anything like that (it can appear out of nowhere) but if they can't even offer him a regular bottle with milk that isn't off, then we are worried stuff like this won't be done either...

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