Do you feel you have found your 'niche' in life?

[oneplusone]

Not sure if i have put this in the right place, probably not, but here goes.

I feel like I am still looking for the thing in life about which i have a real passion/interest. I have 2 DC's and love them but feel i need 'more'. I worked as a lawyer for 10 years before having DC's and never really found in enjoyable, fulfilling or rewarding, i got pushed into doing law by my parents.

I see people who have found something they love and have turned it into a career/job/hobby and there are loads of things that i like a little but nothing that i am mad about and could spend ages doing. I don't feel i have any particular talent in anything whether musical/arty/sporty etc.

I feel at a bit of a loss really. I'm bored being a SAHM and want to do something about it. I thought i could do an OU course but whilst i'm interested in lots of things, i'm not interested enough to put the time and effort needed into studying especially as i have my hands full already with the DC's.

I am thinking about going back to work in the next few years and don't want to go back to law but have no idea what i want to do and i have spent pretty much my whole time as a SAHM (5 years) at various times wondering what to do once the DC's are both full time at school.

Please help! I need some inspiration/direction!

I feel exactly the same. My pre-children career wa something I more-or-less fell into, and I didn't have enough passion for it to try and return to it. Alth0ugh I wanted to be a SAHM I feel very much as though I am doing a job for which I have not interviewed, rather than that I am the right person for this job. I, too, am thinking about going back to work eventually, but haven't really got a clue what I want to do.

I feel very direction-less. Not at all what I thought I would feel at this stage in my life.

Not much help, am I!

hi prettycandles, glad it's not just me.

What did you do pre-kids? And how old are your DC's? Mine are 4.5 and nearly 2. The younger one will be at full time school from January 2011 so i kind of have from now til then to do a course/retrain and start work once he's at school.

I'm going to do a part time interior design course in september just one morning a week. But that is purely for my own interest as I have always been into design, architecture, interiors etc but I can't ever see it becoming a career. I don't know if i'll be any good at it for a start and for me my DC's will always be my priority so i just won't have the time/energy/dedication to start a new career in the same way i would have years ago pre-kids.

What interests do you have even if they may not be good/possible/realistic career choices?

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hi, thanks pitchou, it is interesting to hear how others have tackled this problem. I have just been searching round on the web and think i may have found something i could do start off with. Like you i think i would gain far more fulfillment from helping people and that's what i hated about all the law jobs i had, they were so commercial and not at all about helping people.

I think i could perhaps volunteer at first (if they'll have me) at the local citizens advice bureau or similar. I'm sure i could use my legal skills/knowledge and help people.

But i might also go to my local career advice centre. I suppose before that i really need to think about what i want from a new career - my criteria are pretty much the same as yours!).

Btw, being a SAHM is not really working for me either! I am not in the least bit cut out for it, I'm a fish out of water, and it's taken me 5 years to actually realise this and admit it!

I do in terms of my career. I have a job that I love and am reasonbly good at. I still don't find parenthood fulfilling or particularly rewarding don't know if it's because I'm constantly juggling work with them maybe they feel sidelined.

In a way it's a good time to retrain as it's often not worth working anyway when kids are young. If you trained for a vocational career you could be qualified for when they reach a more independent age. I couldn't feel fulfilled without work but that's a personal thing.

I was in publishing. My LOs are 7, 5, 17m - so I'll be back on the job market at around the same time as you.

I once toyed with the idea of cake decofrating, but hate the idea of working for myself. I think I would find that too lonely, and I don't really think I have the self-discipline needed. The other day I saw a new stall in our town market - a couple of mums in similar situation to us had set up their own cake-decorating business together. The only way to describe how I felt is . Sad to feel that way, really.

Ideally I don't want to go back to a full-time job. If we can continue to manage on one salary , I won't. We both would like the children to be taken to school by a parent and to be collected by a parent (or come home to a parent). It is very important to us. So I doubt I'll ever get back into the 'career'. And also either I do something low-paid and unstimulating (or unpaid!) or I do something self-employed.

I think you should only look at a few years at a time. Things can change, especially when your youngest goes to school.

I was a SAHM for 8 years, and expected to stay that way for good. During that time, I was very stimulated and had plenty of adult company. However, it came to a time where I was not being productive at home and we needed a second income. Therefore, I returned to work. I was lucky enough to have a career where I could virtually walk back into - I took two years doing contract work, but now I have a superb permanent job.

I don't have answers for any of you, and I'm in a bit of a similar situation myself (although I think I know what I want to do, just not sure how to go about it).

Anyway, I wanted to recommend this book It is American but it's not at all self-helpy and really easy to read. It doesn't claim to provide the answers, just give some really interesting stories about how other people have sorted themselves out.

Someone once told me that you should find your real passion then figure out a way to make a living out of it. Which is all very well, of course, if you know what that passion is!

Anyway, good luck and I hope this is some help.

Yes- severe autism. And it does make a difference I think (finding your passion).

oneplusone I feel the same way - that have yet to find my passion (workwise) in life yet.

I've tried loads of jobs, have a range of random qualifications, and am now running my own business, but have yet to do anything that I know involves passion on my part.

My life's passions are climbing and adventure racing, neither of which hold any prospects career-wise.

hi thanks for all your replies. The trouble with me is I change my mind constantly, and nearly everyone I meet and talk to I find myself thinking I should do what they're doing. But then i realise that's their passion/interest not mine and drop the idea.

scienceteacher (i take it that's what you do?!) I'm glad you said to take it a few years at a time. That makes it more manageable in the sense that perhaps i will have to just do anything initially whilst the DC's are younger but with a view to doing something more demanding when they're older. Viewed like that i can proabably handle something a bit 'boring' i suppose for a while just to get my brain working again and then move on. Although i say that but whether i actually do that is another thing.

But my interests are not really conducive to jobs/careers ie design, architecture, history, art, food, and at the risk of sounding stuck up or whatever, pre-kids I used to be quite intelligent and I just can't see myself doing something mindless now.

Ideally i would love to have my own business but doing what? I so wish i could think of something interesting to do, nothing would stand in my way!

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I think so, I ebay, sell tat for money. Does it for me completely. About as mindless as you can get though!

I am totally in this club with you all. I am finding it very wearing after years of not knowing what I want to do and approaching 33 knowing time is not on my side... Have been interested in so many things from psychology to floristry! Would really like to study philosophy/religion but need something I can 'use' to contribute towards a career. Least, I think that's what I need...

How much money do you need to make oneplus?

At the moment I'm researching autism but one day I'd like to become more applied (consultancy type?) and hands on and I can see business ideas forming. But I wouldn't have got there without a few years of just following the interest iykwim.

My problem is impatience. I know what you mean about seeing others and thinking you should do the same.

I think I have finally find my niche-more or less-after 7 years of being a SAHM, having very readily left a job at a big international orgnaisation tat I hated. I started by doing bits of voluntary work when my younger child was 4, and things have happened from there. From the first voluntary job I realised I wanted to re-train so I'm now doing a 4-year course part-time which will hopefully lead to a whole new career. It'svery hard work fitting it all in but I'm far more interested in the subject matter than I was with my first degree. Also, about the same time I applied for it, i got involved in a different voluntary role, which has blossomed and I now do that for quite a few hours a week too. It's added to my career prospects quite considerably as I've gained experience in a whole new area, and I now feel I have the choice of two careers, neither of which are connected to what I did pre-kids. But i did feel like you are all describing about 18 months ago, when I really didn't have a clue what to do! I think voluntary work is the way to go, as you get out there with adult company again, learn about new areas and there's loads of jobs relating to what you may be doing.

WalnutEggShell- in what way is 'time not on your side' at 33 years . You have at least 32 working years to retirement age- possibly longer with the current government.

I am a thwarted academic - have spent the last few years since my D. Phil selling my language skills instead (in Germany) to support us, while dh tries to get his doctorate going - he is finally funded and I now have the chance to takeup research again (and I finally have a project), but alongside everything else I have to do. I feel like I'm just brushing my niche with my fingertips I'm also a writer-of-sorts but have currently laid that one aside, with some regret.

No.

But I believe finding one's 'niche' in life is like the belief in a 'soulmate', restrictive and ultimately an impediment to the journey that life can be for some of us.

Well said expat.

I went to a career advisor once -organised through work - and really enjoyed her talk. The points I remember:

• what did you enjoy doing as a child? list them, they are important
• write a list of every profession you know and cross out the ones you wouldn't do
• remember that your 'passion' does not need to be your job, if you can find a job that fits around it and gives you the time to do what you love

For me, over 10 years ago, I decided that I wanted to write but it is the actual process of writing I enjoy so I shouldn't get caught up in the wanting-to-be-published pressure. But I needed to do some mundane job to get me out of bed in the mornings (I ended up in admin) and get my brain working, but then when I got home my creative brain was still full of beans and ready to go.

It's all perfect on paper, I just still can't get going

Very wise words, expat.
I think also, that being a SAHM has diminished my confidence in what I can do. Does anybody else feel like this?
When I think now about what I did pre-DS, it was a fantastic job with a good wage. Unfortunately one that could only be done in London (for a small, but successful fashion designer). An ex-colleague has set up her own selling agency and I am very but now I have few contacts as I've been out of the business for over 3 years and am simply living in the wrong city. Fashion where I live would simply mean working on a shop-floor. I applied for a job doing that and they offered me £5.75 an hour, one day a week, which wasn't worth finding the childcare for.
I could sell other products, but feel I was good at selling in my old job because I loved the product. I didn't have secret selling formulas/targets/powerpoint-presentation-skills that selling jobs here seem to require, but I worked closely with the designer to make sure we had stuff our buyers would like.
Having 'fallen into' my previous jobs, to give proper thought as to what I'll do next is daunting and it's difficult for me to recognise any 'skills' I have to bring to a bigger company in a different field in a different city where small companies don't seem to advertise jobs and I'm sure if I hadn't had time out I would be a hell of a lot more confident.

thefabfour - yes, plenty of working life in me yet but not the same opportunities as when you are starting the traditional career path in your teens. For example, if I were to take another degree, I wouldn't have the same financial help as the first time around (rightly, but unfortunately). Also I have family responsibilities which I didn't have previously. So I suppose the situation is not on my side rather than the numbers.

expat is right. There are doubtless numerous jobs/careers/experiences each individual could embark upon and be satisfied with rather than one perfect scenario.

i think the whole thing about find something that you enjoy, is bull. it doesnt exist