Do you feel you have found your 'niche' in life?

[oneplusone]

Not sure if i have put this in the right place, probably not, but here goes.

I feel like I am still looking for the thing in life about which i have a real passion/interest. I have 2 DC's and love them but feel i need 'more'. I worked as a lawyer for 10 years before having DC's and never really found in enjoyable, fulfilling or rewarding, i got pushed into doing law by my parents.

I see people who have found something they love and have turned it into a career/job/hobby and there are loads of things that i like a little but nothing that i am mad about and could spend ages doing. I don't feel i have any particular talent in anything whether musical/arty/sporty etc.

I feel at a bit of a loss really. I'm bored being a SAHM and want to do something about it. I thought i could do an OU course but whilst i'm interested in lots of things, i'm not interested enough to put the time and effort needed into studying especially as i have my hands full already with the DC's.

I am thinking about going back to work in the next few years and don't want to go back to law but have no idea what i want to do and i have spent pretty much my whole time as a SAHM (5 years) at various times wondering what to do once the DC's are both full time at school.

Please help! I need some inspiration/direction!

Walnut - I transferred to a different discipline by doing an MPhil. Not cheap - but a lot cheaper and faster than another first degree.

The 'niche' is in reality a compromise of circumstances, opportunities, abilities and motivation. It can be hard to focus on one path when, relative to times past, there are so many possible paths. Some people enjoy trying a lot of different things while some prefer to master one trade rather than be jack of a dozen. I am more of the latter bit know people much happier as the former.

It's really tough though with a family, especially if your chosen niche is very demanding and competitive.

Hi oneplusone

This thread is really interesting. I know what you mean.

For me, I was in the same career since i left college really and did not enjoy it to be honest. I tried to change direction and did a masters but never went into that new field mainly because I got married and decided to start a family. Funnily enough I don't know if I will ever use my Masters as my interests have changed since then.

Would love to do something part time eventually after I have spent a couple of years with the little ones. I agree with what some of the girls have suggested above - i.e. to try some volunteering, or go to a careers office to get some ideas. Even if you don't know what to do, you could start with something and who knows what door that will open. Good luck anyway,

Hi all, interesting to read all your responses. In a way when i said 'niche in life' i don't think i necessarily meant in terms of job/career. I think i meant in terms of who you are as a person which probably sounds weird to most of you. In recent years I have been through a lot of 'stuff' I suppose I could call it and it has really made me think about myself and who i really am. I have learnt an awful lot about myself and i realise that a lot of the choices i have made in the past were almost done whilst on autopilot and without any real thought going into them.

I feel I 'know myself' so much more now and i suppose that's what has led me to think about what i want to do with my life once i have more time as the kids get older. But I want to do something that is really me as opposed to being influenced/pushed by other people into doing things that are not right for me. It could be that i do a job that is not my ideal job but take up a hobby/interest that i love. I just want to feel fulfilled and that i'm being true to myself, as far as the constraints of family and finances will allow.

Sorry, I know i've gone all waffly now, but reading through this thread again today has kind of clarified in my mind what I really wanted to ask in the OP.

And now when think about it i do have quite a few things that i feel passionate about but have never pursued or even thought I could pursue them. I guess what i am trying to say is I want to make a positive choice about which path(s) i choose in life and not just blindly and aimlessly meander along like i have been doing til now.

An MPhil? Hmm, must look into that - am I right in thinking this can be in a range of disciplines..?

oneplus - I don't think it sounds strange but very exciting. Anything in particular you would like to explore further?

I was discussing this exact thing with friends at the weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that university should be for people aged around 30, not 18 and it sould be made easier for peop,e of that age to take a degree.

I have so many friends who wasted their degrees by getting too drunk, or choosing entirely the wrong subject and are now retraining.
I think after a levels young people should be encouraged into apprenticeships or just working odd jobs, having fun and saving before entering further education. That way they can get more of an idea of 'real life' before they think about what they want to do with theirs.

Walnut - yes lots. There also specific courses that are conversion courses from one subject to another e.g. psychology, law.

''I have so many friends who wasted their degrees by getting too drunk, or choosing entirely the wrong subject and are now retraining.''

Yes - hands up - that's my life (on all counts)!

Thanks... hmm, suspect from your earlier comment that it's not cheap but it gives me another direction to explore.

Soberly.

I could have written your op, and also what you said about meeting people and wanting to do what they do! I've never felt I was in the right place in my life, and now I'm pregnant isn't the best time to trying to reorganise my career/niche/whatever as well. I found this book really interesting - I haven't put any of it into practice, but it was such a relief to find that other people feel the same way.

Inquisitive, thank you for that link. I've had a quick look and read the reviews and i know immediately that I am a 'scanner'. And it is a relief to know that other people feel the same way. I feel that for years i have been trying to find the 'one' thing that I have a passion about when in reality i like lots of things and to be told this is ok feels amazing.

I have found myself over the last 2 years on a journey of self discovery and i suppose i haven't been able to accept exactly who i am and have in many ways felt inferior to others and inadequate. And not being able to find my 'one' passion was one of ways i felt like a failure. But i am slowly realising that i am perfectly ok exactly the way i am and it is so liberating to feel this way.

The scanner's day book sounds like a great idea, perhaps you and i should both try it? I find i am always full of ideas for hobbies/jobs etc but i never carry them out and feel useless and usually change my mind anyway. But writing them down and exploring them on paper sounds really good, and is in a way fulfilling your ideas if only in your head rather than in reality.

I can really identify with what most of you have said so far and I'm relieved to find out I'm not alone! This has been on my mind constantly for the past few weeks as I am trying to decide what to do next.

Bear with me because this might be long and rambly!

I'm currently a SAHM with an 18mo dd. I'm 21, married to a lovely husband who earns enough for me to SAH, so I'm very lucky. We had recently decided to try for another baby, firstly because we wanted dd to have a sibling close in age, secondly to get the baby stage out of the way, and thirdly so that in 19/20 years time we can have the freedom that we feel we've missed out on by having dd so early. So we had made our minds up pretty much.

But now I'm thinking of all the things I could do now that dd is getting older, and how much harder they will be with 2 dc's, I have changed my mind. Well, I think I have. Or is it just temporary? Hmmmm. But I've booked an appt to see the nurse about going on the pill. Poor Dh puts up with my endless flip-flapping from one thing to the next, but now it's getting to the big decisions I think his patience is rapidly diminishing

Anyway, I'm thinking about going to uni this year, but how do I make sure the subject is one I really want to do? I've never really had any identifiable passions or interests, only things I've tried to convince myself i'm interested in. Obviously they never work out because I'm not really interested after all.

I like the idea of the Scanner's Diary or whatever it was called. I have done similar without realising in the past, as I'm always making lists of things to do/think about and they always contain my latest faddy idea but nothing ever comes of them. I hate feeling like I'm just living life in my head, dreaming up things I should do or imagining myself doing so and so job or going to so and so place. When the time comes to actually make any of these ideas happen I either chicken out through lack of confidence or just make decisions on autopilot which turn out to be wrong.

So does anyone have any advice on my current dilemma - have another baby now and wait a few years to go to uni, or go to uni now and wait to have another baby, say in about 4/5 years time? They both have their pros and cons, and I'm equally unsure about both routes tbh.

Mumooms- this is the exact dilemma I have. I really want another DC close to DS for the exact reasons of me wanting to divulge myself into a career in a few years time. I never thought DH would agree, but he has, and I think thats made my mind up for me, that two DCs close together makes good sense.

Ive had change of heart so many times over the past few days/weeks though. I feel Im struggling sometimes with DS. I feel swampped under, and that I only seem to be 'DS's Mum' rather than me. I have enrolled on an OU course starting in May which will hopefully lead to a degree, and come September, DS will be over 1, and Id feel much better about childcare for him, meaning maybe I can also try college part time.

However, I also feel stuck that if we do wait to TTC, when we move back abroad close to the in-laws in a couple of years, MIL can help look after DS, and no sooner will I have found a good career path, that maybe the idea of siblings will crop up, and Ill be up to my eyes in nappies again!

Im rambling on here, and havnt been any help to you whatsoever, but just wanted to say youre not alone in your predicament!

Ooh and I ordered the 'scanners book' from Amazon today- hopefully I can report back good findings!

We've just moved house, and I don't have the faintest idea which of the hundreds of boxes my Scanners book is in - when I finally dig it out I must have another read. Hope other people find it interesting though!

WOW!!!! I can't believe I'm reading these posts - finally I've found people who feel the same as me! I was starting to think I was a freak..

I'm 7 months pregnant and have a daughter of 20 months - I should be at home knitting bootees but instead I'm racking my brains trying to come up with a profitable idea cos I want to start my own business.. goodness knows doing what though!

I bought the book on Scanners too - I even started to do some of the exercises - but guess what.. I lost interest lol!!

Maybe we should all make a deal to motivate eachother to try something new (and stick at it for more than 5 minutes!) There's nothing like the support of like-minded people to make things happen...

Claire

I knew what I wanted to do from 16 and did it - and it's been nothing but grief, although I did love the subject. All I did through my 20s was struggle to get onto the next rung and the next rung and... my whole identity and life was bound up with my career and the sacrifices got far too big in the end. I've still got a really stong sense of vocation about it but I quit and did some mindless jobs for a couple of years and then had DS. Always thought I would go back to it, but was actually enjoying life not being consumed by my job. Now I'm about to train for something that will actually fit round the life I want to have instead - I'm relegating the vocation to being a hobby.

I tend to agree, it's not worth waiting for a sense of vocation to come along - you could wait forever and it might not be all it's cracked up to be - better to look at your aptitudes and lifestyle and be open to all the interesting opportunites that come along.

My book has just arrived! Cant wait to get reading!

chinchi hi! We met on the other thread about feeling grumpy all the time! How are you? Hope the book helps. I haven't ordered it simply because I know i won't have time to read it. I feel good just knowing it's ok to not have found one particular passion/interest but to have lots of interests.

When i have time i am going to make a list of all the things I think I would love to do whether as a job/hobby and just see where that leads to.

jivegirl, am glad you have found us like minded people. For some reason I felt like a failure for (a) not having found at least one real passion/interest in life and not pursuing it in any way and (b) for not having enjoyed the 2 jobs I have done so far the first being a lawyer which I was pushed into by my parents and the second being a SAHM which I am just not cut out for.

But, none of the above means I am a failure/useless etc which is how I have been feeling. I am 37 years old and I still have plenty of time to try out lots of new things and if I don't stick at any of them so be it. At least I tried. I am not a 'diver' and I accept that. It all sounds so simple and obvious to me now but it has taken me a long time to realise all this.

Hey oneplusone, how have you been feeling lately? Keep thinking of you and the other posts whenever I have a low moment, thinking ooh I should really write it on the thread! I was in a huge stress yesterday, but feeling better today- my Mums best friend came to visit so its always nice to sit and reminisce (sp) about Mum, and to have someone different to talk to!

I remember there was a program I used to use at school on the computer called Kudos. It asked loads of questions about interests, and pulled out a list of suitable jobs. I keep meaning to search for it on the Internet- really hope I can find it!

Will be getting stuck into the book once DS is in bed. Hope its worth its money!