Nanny issue - mental health

[iloveburmese3]

Hi everyone, my lovely part time nanny last week told me she has mental health issues to deal with (in her own words 'demons and very messy issues + she's having a break down) to which I very kindly told her I understood and to get better. For background, this woman has only been amazing, strong, kind, positive so it came as a huge shock when she rang me to tell me this. Five days later and she's texting saying she's better and can she work for us again. My gut is saying no, as it's not any old job taking care of children - it's my babies lives in her hands 3 mornings a week while I work. I would never forgive myself if anything happened. Am I being dramatic? She's not being forthcoming with any more details on her 'break down'. What would you do. Thanks!

Sorry that came garbled. Lack of written contract doesn't mean lack of a contract.

What's done is done OP but moving forward legally you need to have a written contract to protect you and your employee if you get another nanny.

@Naptrappedmummy have had employed 3 Nanny’s for my children over the years. All properly employed.

One had a serious bout of depression (suicidal). She was signed off, I paid her sick pay and she came back on a phased based after 3 months and fully back after 5 months (she had medical evidence supporting fit to return). She worked for us for another 4 years after that. What if this lady had broken her leg, would everyone be saying “oh just get rid of her?”

I’ve had bouts of mental health problems in the past, recovered and gone back to professional job - my employer would not have been able to just give me a months pay and let me go.

You gave her the chance to explain but she wasn’t open and honest with you. Now you know there are issues but you’ve no idea what they are or how severe. Sadly it has to be a no for the sake of your children. You did the right thing.

You are an employer. Written contact or not you do have a verbal contract for her to work for you which holds weight in law. I sense the fact you ignored the early questions about a fit to work note and occupational health assessment suggests you don’t understand your responsibility of being an employer.

yes I understand your concern about your children’s welfare but that’s why there is the opportunity for her to have sick pay while you organise the OH assessment.

i guess a months pay is cheaper though (and yes you are telling her to sod off).

Your main responsibility is to your children.

As others have mentioned, legally you are her employer and she is your employee (regardless of whether you had a verbal or written contract). Yes you need to ensure your children are cared for safely, but that is separate to your responsibility as an employer.

If you are employed and suffered with mental ill health I'm sure you would be rightly up in arms if your employer dismissed your with one month's pay, and would rightly take them to a tribunal. Your nanny could do the same including on the basis of a verbal contract (which contrary to commonly held belief does hold weight in law).

I appreciate it's a difficult situation to have to sort alternative provision for your children, but you have responsibility towards your nanny as her employer (and it sounds like you have avoided your other obligations like paying NI and pension for her).

No no no. You’re right. Don’t risk it

Yeah sounds like a chat would be good. I mean you can’t really do much for her MH, you are her employer, she probably needs weekly therapy and it’s her responsibility. All you could do is suggest that really. I was thinking you could offer to pay but that puts you in a weird maternal weird role & you’re her employer.

I think so too. I read ops post through gritted teeth ( as a former nanny and a mental health sufferer).

Please remember- she’s sick. She needs help, not sacking.

But what good would that have done? She would have still been sacked by op- whether she was open or not 🙄

The nanny is allowed privacy. The OP doesn't have the right to know the nanny's private business. She'd use it against the nanny anyway.

You sound as tho literal ‘demons’ are being mentioned OP.

Feminism for me and not for thee . You are an employer act like it .

Well that’s your decision. Trying to equivocate this with any other job is a false comparison, because in no other job do you place such trust in somebody. It’s a special case and therefore deserves special rules. If this happened to me as an employer, would I continue to employ them as my gardener/secretary/dental nurse or whatever? Of course I would. Would I continue to employ them to look after my small vulnerable kids? No, and that’s because my duty of care to my kids is far greater than my duty of care to my employees.

If OP had said yeah come back, and the nanny had had some kind of mental health break at work and endangered or frightened the kids, you’d all be jumping up and down and screaming that OP should’ve been a more responsible parent and should stop fobbing her kids off on whoever.

@Naptrappedmummy it’s not binary: fire the nanny or let her back to work now. Her actions are almost certainly breaking employment law.

Almost all posters are saying the OP is unreasonable for not following basic employment law (which in this case would be at least paying SSP for sick leave and asking for medical evidence fit for work (and paying to that if required).

On your logic anyone struggling with MH should not be allowed to work where they are responsible for children - so nursery nurses, teachers, nurses, doctors - if that was the case the country would grind to a halt.

I think legally this is discrimination though based on mental health OP

I say this kindly, as it does sound like a hard predicament, but dismissing her does leave you open to an unfair dismissal claim. And discrimination awards are uncapped. Can you get some legal advice?

I would either get legal advice or read up on it before dismissing her OP. Pretty sure dismissing someone for having mental health issues is discrimination, which is an uncapped award in an employment tribunal (usually it's capped at one year's salary).

I think it's probably wise to pay her more than a month's salary, but look into the law on this before you do anything.

Completely agree, @Bobbybobbins. From the OP’s description, this lady works (or did work) for multiple families, presumably cash in hand with no contracts. It’s very messy.

Read up on the law, OP, and if you do suggest sick leave, start again with a proper contract.

...Sometimes we all have demons to deal with and it doesn't make us unfit to look after children.
It could have been anything. Financial worries that are now resolved., relationship issues. bereavement. Imagine if your work turned their back on you because you needed some time and space to deal with a big problem.
Having a short mental health crisis doesn't make you 'dangerous'.
At some point of our lives this will be every single one of us, It's just that most of us hide it. Just be kind and understanding. Maybe all she needed was a few days to work things out and she has.
As you are clearly worried talk to her about your fears, Then you'll have a better understanding of how to continue (or not).

You’re open to an employment tribunal… she may well not take that route but this is not a very wise course of action.

there are lots of people here equating mental health difficulties with unsafe behaviour, which is frankly just wrong and very sad. Of course some people with mental health difficulties do behave unsafely but so do people without such difficulties. In any event, you need to stick to employment law.