Nanny issue - mental health

[iloveburmese3]

Hi everyone, my lovely part time nanny last week told me she has mental health issues to deal with (in her own words 'demons and very messy issues + she's having a break down) to which I very kindly told her I understood and to get better. For background, this woman has only been amazing, strong, kind, positive so it came as a huge shock when she rang me to tell me this. Five days later and she's texting saying she's better and can she work for us again. My gut is saying no, as it's not any old job taking care of children - it's my babies lives in her hands 3 mornings a week while I work. I would never forgive myself if anything happened. Am I being dramatic? She's not being forthcoming with any more details on her 'break down'. What would you do. Thanks!

I understand wanting to be sure your children are safe. That having been said, mental health demons probably haven't come out of nowhere so she has probably been caring beautifully for your children despite having these demons. Why don't you suggest her coming over when the children are not there to have a cup of tea together? Tell her that you have been very impressed with her professionally and that the children are happy with her but that you need to be sure that she is able to look after them safely so soon after she said she was feeling so awful and see what she says.

Talk to her!

Ask her for a fit to work note from
gp -

Five days later to be OK sounds unrealistic, I say that as someone who has had mental health issues. A chat would be a good idea, but you have to put the children first

I agree, you need to know she is fit for work, as you would for any employee.

www.nannymatters.co.uk/advice-centre/mental-health-and-wellbeing/?acceptcookies=true

I would consider getting an Occupational Health assessment. This then may indicate if they are fit for work and any whether any work place adjustments are needed.

God this is an awful predicament for you both. she's been so honest and I commend her for that but also totally get it, it's not been long so how can you know she won't have a breakdown with your kids. And a doctors note is neither here nor there with mental health unfortunately. I feel for you both

Are you paying her anything over ssp? It can be hard to battle demons and overcome a breakdown of you can’t pay the rent.

Is she an employee with an employment contract; what does it say about sick leave / fitness to work notes (my old nanny’s contract had a clause about doctors reports). How long has she worked for you? Do you know about her support system (eg has she got a partner)? Does she work for other families, does she have other jobs? As assuming she only works 12-15 hrs a week for you?

OP do you employ this lady (as in properly employ, contract, tax and ni)? From an employment law perspective this is important as it will impact what you should do.

Everyone thank you SO much for taking the time to reply. So grateful honestly. So I did speak to her but she acted very unsettled and not wanting to share much. In a nut shell I feel very uneasy. But honestly I sat her down with a cup of tea and really gently asked her if she wanted to talk about it and how she was etc but she was very dismissive and looked very troubled. Again telling me she wanted work etc... I am so sad. I really like her, rate her so highly and my daughter adores her. I've decided to call her tomorrow and explain that I feel uneasy and worried and that I think it's best she leaves us and concentrates on her mental health. I need to tell her she's done nothing wrong, and my husband very generously has decided to pay a months pay to her to wish her well. We are on a relaxed verbal contract - not very sensible I know... I think it's for the best... I just want her to be ok and pray I've handled it ok and that it won't make her worse x

No, no, and no again. If she had opened up and said (for example) she was depressed but has seen the GP and it’s being treated, that would be one thing. But to disappear off for days having a breakdown then want to return with no explanation and care for small children? I really wouldn’t. Your kids are too precious.

Agreed. Thank you 🙏🏻

Nope, I wouldn't risk it.

I don't think you can essentially sack her which is what you are suggesting on between all your waffle nice words! Telling her to leave because she is sick is pretty horrible.

Be careful about your relaxed verbal contract. She may well call you out on this as it sounds pretty dodgy.

Yep she could claim unfair dismissal on discrimination grounds, even without a written contract.

Just word it that she didn't pass her probationary period.

How is she surviving anyway if she's only getting paid for 3 mornings a week? She must have other income.

How long has she worked for you?

Keep a note of everything and all communications. Then if it comes to tribunal (and I would risk that rather than let somebody mentally unstable care for my kids), you can make it clear you tried to work with her to fix it but after a worrying disclosure about a mental breakdown, and 5 days off, she refused to discuss it and therefore you had no choice but to sack her. I doubt anybody would think you were being unreasonable.

What does her contract say? You cant necessarily "generously" give her a months pay and tell her to sod off!

OP it is not “generous” to pay someone a months pay and let them go when they are ill.

The reason verbal contracts are bad is generally always for the employee.

Let me guess you also “generously” pay her in cash/bank transfer and don’t do tax/ni and pension so she will have difficulty claiming SSP and or ESA?

Even if she doesn’t have a written contract she does have rights - you can’t just fire people for being unwell (which is what they are done).

You’ll probably be fine OP - she will probably just disappear. I hope she calls ACAS though and gets some legal advice:

Woah - let’s not forget that the nanny in question probably got paid cash in hand (if indeed she did) not by force and there were clear advantages for her!!!

I’m happy to bet £10 that everyone here telling OP she should be sued would be very uncomfortable letting this nanny care for THEIR children.

I don't have an issue with the OP telling the nanny to have an occupational health assessment or advising her to take more sick leave. I do have an issue with her pretending to care about her and then generously suggesting she 'leaves' her job ie sacks her.

She works for other families but in the last few weeks have left them (or they fired her she didn't say)