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Original poster

Anyone got a 3 year age gap?

50 replies

chickytwotimes · 22/03/2008 19:25

And if so, what is it like?
I have 1ds who is 19 mths and we are thinking that we would like another but not until he is at nursery. We are therefore aiming to have another next autumn (09) because he'll have been at nursery for a few months and I'll have 2.5 hours with the newbie, providing we are lucky enough to conceive again!
I know it's not an exact science btw!
I just wondered what others' experiences of a 3 yr gap were, particularly regarding jealousy, sleep deprivation, etc...
The nursery is literally around the corner, btw, so travelling is not an issue.

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oooggs · 22/03/2008 19:30

ds1 was 3.3 when the next came. He loves them to bits, no jealousy, no problems and he is very helpful

beansprout · 22/03/2008 19:32

Ds1 was 3.3 when ds2 was born 8 weeks ago and so far so good. Ds1 is that bit more independent so doesn't need me for absolutely everything, e.g. can go to the toilet by himself/sit and eat etc. He is at nursery 3 days a week and we have kept that going so he has some continuity and some stuff that isn't all about his new baby brother.

If there is a good age gap, I would say this is it!

Original poster

chickytwotimes · 22/03/2008 19:32

Thanks! These are the kind of replies I was hoping for.

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oooggs · 22/03/2008 19:33

my ds1 did have double the babies to fight for attention and he has been a star with regards to them

Original poster

chickytwotimes · 22/03/2008 19:35

OP posts:

Mercy · 22/03/2008 19:36

Same as ooogs. I've got a 2.10 gap between mine and it's been fine. The jealousy thing has been minimal tbh.

The sleep deprivation aspect was lot harder for me though - not to start with but some time later.

I think whatever the age gap is there will always be problems of some description though.

ScoobyDoo · 22/03/2008 19:39

I have a 3.3 year gap between ds & dd, erm it is a great gap when dd was born ds started nursery 5 mrnings a week which helped alot.

I did have a bit of jealousy when dd was 6-8 weeks, ds started to be naughty but it did not last long & he got on with it.

It was easier as he was toilet trained, sleeping through the night & quite independant.

However now ds is 5 & dd is 2 they fight alot but when they do get on they get on brill.

I would say it's a fab age gap & would not have any smaller one for my family

phraedd · 22/03/2008 19:39

i have a 23 month gap beween 1 and 2 and then a 3.5 yr gap between 2 and 3.

It was hard work having to do school runs and nursery runs with a newborn but nice that I had every morning that was just me and the baby

Twiglett · 22/03/2008 19:40

DS was also 3.3 when DD was born .. loves her to bits, no jealousy, no problems and very helpful

However I would say that we didn't plan that, we were stunned to discover we had secondary infertility despite having conceived DS within 2 months of making the decision ... secondary infertility is not unusual . be careful with 'well-laid plans'

Janni · 22/03/2008 19:41

I had a 3.8 age gap between my first two - slightly longer than I would have wanted, but it sure made the babyhood of DS2 an easier experience than, say a 2 year age gap. Had no real probs with jealousy, they are now 11 and 8 and get on generally very well.

ScoobyDoo · 22/03/2008 19:42

I would also say becarful wtih plans because originally we had tried for a smaller age gap but had a mc, it worked out ideal in the end though

Original poster

chickytwotimes · 22/03/2008 19:46

Thank you, thank you.
I think we will aim for the 3 years, but of course it may not work! I don't think I could cope with another one just yet...

OP posts:

havalina · 22/03/2008 19:55

Just to be different, dd was 3.1 when ds was born and have had major jealousy problems, she wouldn't go within 3 feet of him for 4 months. They are getting on semi well now (ds 17 months) but far from buddies.

But we had lots of other stressy things when ds was born, and I'm sure a lot of it comes down to personality of the child wrt jealousy (and I'v probably been doing everything wrong).

I personally with hindsight would have gone for a shorter or longer gap, but all gaps have pro's/con's.

cory · 22/03/2008 19:55

Our 3 1/2 gap was not planned but to do with my health. We had some jealousy the first month or so, then it died down. They bicker now (at 7 and 11) but also have lots of fun together.

ALMummy · 22/03/2008 20:19

We have a three year age gap and it was just right. DS not at all jealous when DD came and we had his sleeping habits and toilet training all ironed out.

The only thing wrong with it was that I had forgotten what unbelievable hard work it was having a new born and was feeling quietly confident that it would not be too much of an upheaval.....how wrong was I?

Lomond · 22/03/2008 20:24

I have 3 and a half years between my girls and it's fantastic. No jealousy, DD1 loves her wee sister. Having some time with DD2 when DD1 is at nursery is lovely. I'm glad we didn't have another one any sooner.

Eddas · 22/03/2008 20:34

I have dd who was 2.10 when ds was born. She was able to 'help' quite a bit which was nice, hasn't really been jealous(there's time) she started preschool in the January and he was born April which meant she had time to settle before he came along. She was potty trained so only one in nappies. dd has always been a great sleeper so only ds to get up to(sorry oooggs)

When I was pg my worries centered around the sleep issue. As dd had been a great sleeper I was really worried that the baby wouldn't be and i am rubbish without sleep and obviously with 2 you have to get up with the eldest. All worked out ok though

CoolYerBoots · 22/03/2008 20:37

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MyDingaling · 22/03/2008 20:39

I am pregnant with DC2 and there will be a 3.2 gap, reading these posts has made me feel a little less worried. Baby is due in Juy and DD will be starting nursery in September.

dizzychixies · 22/03/2008 20:39

our dd was 2.10 when dd2 arrived and it was all good. this time dd2 will only be 2.2 so fingers crossed

bozza · 22/03/2008 20:53

We have the 3.3 year gap. And we have had problems with jealousy on both sides, although not at the same time, thankfully. DS did react to having DD with baby talk etc and had a phase of difficult behaviour. However overall (DD is nearly 4 and DS is 7) he has been a lovely, thoughtful big brother. DD, OTOH, is very competitive and often jealous around DS which has caused trouble. Often her behaviour deteriorates when DS comes home from school. Sometimes though if left to their own devices they get on really well. Eg yesterday morning they got up and got their own breakfasts while DH and I laid in bed and cuddled and listened to them. It was lovely and quite amusing.

DevilwearsPrada · 22/03/2008 21:04

There's 3 years between my dds. DD1 wasn't really bothered about DD2 when she was a small baby said she was boring. Now they're older nearly 5 and 18 months they play together all the time. It's lovely seeing them together. theres a little jealousy but nothing major.

hippipotami · 22/03/2008 21:04

We have a 3.4 year age gap. It has worked brilliantly. Ds did to through a brief phase both at home and at nursery of being disruptive, which we put down to having to adapt to the arrival of his sister.
But it passed quickly.

Ds was never bothered by the disrupted nights as dd was in our room.

I had purposely applied for an afternoon place at nursery for ds, knowing I was pregnant, so that when dd arrived we could have lazy mornings instead of having to be out of the house by 8.30am.
The only problem was that dd would do a massive poo the minute she went in the pram ready for hte walk to nursery. So for a while we were always late - delayed by a poo which caused many giggles amongst the nursery staff.

They have always got on very well. We really did not have too many issues with jealousy. They have the odd argument, but on the whole they play beautifully together and both benefit from having a sibling.

In our case it has worked well

Lomond · 23/03/2008 08:24

hippipotami - That happens to us too! DD2 always waits to poo until I have her all ready to go

hippipotami · 23/03/2008 12:51

They do it on purpose, don't they Lomond? They do it whilst quietly laughing up the sleeve of their little sleepsuit....
Cheeky monkeys that they are

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