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Original poster

Anyone got a 3 year age gap?

50 replies

chickytwotimes · 22/03/2008 19:25

And if so, what is it like?
I have 1ds who is 19 mths and we are thinking that we would like another but not until he is at nursery. We are therefore aiming to have another next autumn (09) because he'll have been at nursery for a few months and I'll have 2.5 hours with the newbie, providing we are lucky enough to conceive again!
I know it's not an exact science btw!
I just wondered what others' experiences of a 3 yr gap were, particularly regarding jealousy, sleep deprivation, etc...
The nursery is literally around the corner, btw, so travelling is not an issue.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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FAQ · 23/03/2008 12:54

I have 2 - 3yr age gaps. DS1 is 7 1/2, DS2 is 4 and a bit, and DS3 is 10 months old tomorrow - its' great. DS1 and 2 love playing together, and now DS3 is becoming "more fun" (their words not mine LOL) they're starting to enjoy him too.

At 3 and a bit they're just the right age to get them helping fetching/carrying things when your newborn arrives

Original poster

chickytwotimes · 23/03/2008 19:17

Great replies.
Mnay thanks. I now feel I am doing the right thing for us.

OP posts:

Fillyjonk · 23/03/2008 19:37

there is 2.8 years between dd1 and dd2. so far its sooooo much easier than the 22 months between ds and dd1.

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hoxtonchick · 23/03/2008 19:42

i have 3.5 yrs between mine & it's great.

etchasketch · 23/03/2008 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrackerOfNuts · 23/03/2008 19:50

I have a 3yr gap between Dd2 and Ds and it was perfect, compared to the 2 yr gap I had between dd1 and dd2, which was hell.

DD2 was just so much more independant at 3, and able to amuse herself. Plus she was more than willing to help me with anything to do with her baby brother.

scully · 24/03/2008 05:20

We have a 3.8yr gap between dd1 and dd2. Worked very well for us, as we had no family help where we were living when dd2 was born, and dd1 was toilet trained, sleeping through and had an understanding of what was happening. She came along to my appts, heard the hearbeat and felt involved. They are now 5.11yrs and 2.3yrs and get on well, having a sibling has taught dd1 tolerance, that's for sure

MotherOfGirls · 24/03/2008 05:41

The gap between our DDs is 3 years and 1 day and we wouldn't have it any other way.

DD1 was 2 before I could even think of having another baby. She was so easy and I really enjoyed being able to focus on looking after her. By the time DD2 arrived, DD1 was quite an independent little thing - potty trained, in a bed, going to nursery etc. In fact, I think being established at nursery helped, as that was one part of her life which didn't change with the arrival of DD2.

The only warning I'd give you really doesn't apply to the age gap. I assumed having two children would be similar to having one but actually found it way more demanding! To be fair, DD2 wasn't such an easy baby (they couldn't have been more different!) but I think it was the juggling and trying to do the best for both of them at the same time which I found difficult.

They are now almost 13 and almost 10 and get on really well.

Good luck!

egypt · 24/03/2008 05:49

another 2.10 age gap. lovely, fine, helpful, no jealousy. both girls.

Elkat · 24/03/2008 18:24

We have three years and two weeks between my two girls. When I was pregnant my eldest was very insecure and jealous, and her behaviour was awful. But, she has now bonded with her younger sister and I think the gap for my girls is perfect. I found that by 3, my eldest was wanting to help and she could be a big help by getting nappies etc for me. I also think that with a 3 year age gap, my eldest had a good stint at being the baby, because the eldest one has got to grow up a lot when the second one comes along, and I didn't want my eldest one to miss out on that.

Apart from the initial jealousy, they now get along great - they share a room and won't even go to sleep until the other one is there. Both of them physically light up when the other one enters the room. My eldest loves being a big sister and we have given her lots of praise and rewards for doing that, and she is now old enough to have a small amount of responsibility with her little sister, which she loves. HTH

ComeOVeneer · 24/03/2008 18:27

Just reading the OP. I have 3 between mine and it worked really well. No jealously, older one a big help with newbordn, only one in nappies, no need to purchase double buggy, able to rest a bit whilst elder was at nursery. Now are 3 and 6 and 6 year old gets 3 year old up in the morning,helps him dress, gets breakfast, it is marvelous

morningpaper · 24/03/2008 18:28

We have 3 years and a few days and it has been brilliant, no real problems at all

I chose a 3 year gap because this seemed the general consensus on MN at the time...

Renaissancewoman · 24/03/2008 18:29

3 yr gap between my first and second. Was great. Like you I had DD at nursery for a couple of hours a day so I had time with to completely indulge in baby love without having to worry about upsetting her. Biggest bonus was that she was dressing herself, out of nappies and starting to take pride in being a "big girl" so pushing the concept of the helpful big sister wasn't very difficult. She is now 5 and is very caring towards her younger brother and generally watches out for him and will quickly report back if he is up to no good.

Good luck with the planning!

JingleyJen · 24/03/2008 18:31

we had a slightly smaller gap but the same reasons DS1 was 2years 6 months when DS2 was born and it was perfect he had been potty trained for 6 months sleeping in a big boys bed for 6 months and started going to playgroup 4 mornings a week a month before DS2 was born.

We didn't have jealousy he had his little world and DS2 had his one to one time with Mummy, it meant that when DS2 was sleeping as new borns do I had lovely one to one time with DS1 - we saved special things to do whilst DS2 was asleep.

No need to buy a double buggy was also a big bonus

threestars · 25/03/2008 00:06

Am thrilled this age-gap has been good for others - DC2 is arriving Thursday and age gap will be 3.7 years. Hope my family won't be the exception to the rule...

MotherOfGirls · 25/03/2008 07:48

Hi threestars, just looked at your profile - congratulations on your imminent arrival! I hope all goes well for you.

threestars · 25/03/2008 10:19

Thanks!

lovechoc · 20/02/2010 21:07

like ScoobyDoo I also had a MC and planned a smaller age gap but there will be a 3.3y gap between DS and his new sibling. This thread is reassuring!

stanausauruswrecks · 20/02/2010 21:14

It's great - DS was 3.1 when DD arrived 9 months ago, and he has been amazing - far beyond what we ever imagined or hoped for. As soon as he wakes, he asks where she is, and if she's awake, has to see her and give her a kiss. She thinks he's equally wonderful - it makes me melt when I see their little faces light up when they see each other

lovechoc · 20/02/2010 21:20

aww that's lovely stanausaurauswrecks!! I'm even more reassured now that everything has happened for a reason and looking forward to this age gap.

definately no more babies after this though! it's tough being pg when you've got a toddler!lol

mummyof2byapril · 21/02/2010 09:45

My boy just turned 3 and I'm expecting a new baby in 7 weeks.
I thought age 2 would be the worst of his tantrums, but I'm constantly amazed at how terrible he can be, it's getting worse.
Very difficult to drag him out of the middle of the road when he decides to have a tantrum there, and I'm 8 months pregnant, I've also had a lot of blows to the belly and had to have anti many times because of that, as he kicks and screams and does anything during his outbursts.
I would advise anyone to wait untill older child is in school and well over tantrums.
My boy was fairy good when I got pregnant, but lately he's just outragious.
Also I'm going to have to somehow get him to nursery and back everyday when he starts with him playing up AND with new baby.
It's a good 20 minute walk each way and he can make it a 40 minute walk depending on how he's feeling, I think it will be truly exhausting with a newborn.

mummyof2byapril · 21/02/2010 09:48

Also boys aren't potty trained on average untill theyre 3 1/2.
I would also wait untill potty training is well over if I could do it again.
But mainly safety reasons with my pregnant belly and dragging him off the floor in public, it's an absolute nightmare.

mummyof2byapril · 21/02/2010 09:51

Out of interest, it seems most people with a 3 yr gap and a GOOD experience have a girl as the older DC.
Boys and girls can be very different!

MrsHappy · 21/02/2010 09:59

We have a 3 year gap. DD1 will be 4 in summer, DD2 is 4 months.

So far things have been ok.

The only really demanding thing has been DD1 suddenly sleeping quite erratically, when she used to be a great sleeper. But DH has been around to help with that.

Being 3 DD1 was able to inderstand what was going on and most of her friends already had siblings so she saw it as totally normal that she should get a baby too. Of course she plays up and gets jealous sometimes, but she takes it out opn me not her sister, which I can live with.

I wanted a 2 year gap (less career disruption and mat leave while DD1 was still small) but biology intervened and tbh I am glad it did.

ChasingSquirrels · 21/02/2010 10:03

3y4m gap between my two boys.

when ds2 was small had time with him because ds1 was at pre-school 2.5hrs a day (actually had time with ds2 all the time as he was/is so demanding and ds1 isn't).

no real jealousy problems, certainly not when ds2 was a baby.

no need for a double buggy.

ds1 liked helping (fetching & carrying).

Got to have year maternity leave and so spend time with ds1 as well.

now (4 & 7) they play together, but not as much as my friends kids with smaller age gaps.

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