Sad that I never experienced the happy newborn bubble

[PaddingtonBear88]

My sister recently had a baby and I’m really happy for her but I can’t help but feel so sad and jealous that I never had the same blissful newborn bubble that she’s currently experiencing.

My baby had colic, cows milk protein allergy (CMPA), never slept and basically screamed for 6 months until he was properly diagnosed with CMPA. I ended up with crippling PND and PNA. I never got to be one of those mums that sat in cafes with their sleeping baby or go on walks with their baby snoozing in the pram (he hated lying down in the pram). My sister has been out for coffee, visited family and spent a day at a National trust in her first couple of weeks. My anxiety and the amount my baby cried meant I stayed home a lot, for months. He’s a beautiful happy toddler now and I’m so thankful for him, but I still feel a sort of grief for the happy baby days that I never had but longed for. I know it could be so much worse and that I’m still really lucky. But has anyone else ever felt the same or had a similar experience?

What you see and what’s really happening is not the same.
With my first he didn’t sleep through until he was 18 months old whereas my 2nd he slept through at 5 months. He was a far more chilled baby but omg as a toddler he’s hard work and has anger management issues 🥴😂 when he doesn’t get his way he shrieks 🫣 you might think she has it easy now but if I’ve learnt anything in my years of parenting two kids is that it’s never plain sailing. If it’s not one thing it’s something else. My first born had horrid colic too and it was so stressful but I didn’t have that with my 2nd. But the challenges I’ve got with my youngest I didn’t have with my 1st born. They are both hard work in their own way 😂